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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to write a nice OP about my late, great MiL? There some out there.

27 replies

grovel · 29/12/2014 18:01

My MiL was kind, loving, funny and generous. Specifically (addressing some common MN complaints):

She adored her three sons but wasn't blind to their weaknesses.
She treated her three sons and DiLs exactly the same. No favourites.
She loved all her grandchildren and, again, treated them equally in terms of love (and indeed monetary value of presents etc).
She was very willing "emergency cover" for all of us but refused to babysit/childmind (because it exhausted her and, anyway, she couldn't offer an "equal service" for 6 grandchildren).
To "compensate" for not babysitting, she gave each couple £500 a year to pay for sitters!
If she had opinions about any of our parenting styles she bit her lip.

In other words she tried really hard never to do anything that could make her a contentious issue between sons and DiLs or between brothers or between SiLs. Best of all she was just great company who only proferred advice when it was asked for.

I know I was so lucky but I can't believe I'm the only one.

OP posts:
PickledPorcupine · 29/12/2014 18:08

Sorry that you've lost your MIL OP. Mine is also awesome and I feel very lucky to have her. She has treated me the same as her own children from day one and always respects any decisions I make.

Waffles80 · 29/12/2014 18:11

Mine is wonderful too. She's made my OH the kind, loving, sweet-natured man he is and taught him to cook.

Original poster
grovel · 29/12/2014 18:13

That's great, Pickled. Glad I'm not the only one! My MiL just loved having DiLs introduced to a very male-dominated family!

OP posts:
steff13 · 29/12/2014 18:13

My MIL is wonderful. She accepted me into her family, and she has been like a second mom to me since my mom died when I was 24. She's kind and generous and generally amazing.

Violetcloud · 29/12/2014 18:20

She sounds like she was absolutely lovely grovel.
Mine is a generous, kind, sensible woman who has welcomed me into the family. She's encouraged me to further my education and make something of myself in the same way she would with her own children, and I feel very lucky to have her around. Especially after reading so many horror stories on here!

Royalsighness · 29/12/2014 18:29

She sounds lovely, they all sound lovely! I often wonder if the qualities I loathe in mine are a reflection of my own insecurities rather than the fact that actually she's an arsehole.

holdyourown · 29/12/2014 18:44

What a nice OP. Sorry for your loss, your MIL sounds lovely

Fabulous46 · 29/12/2014 18:48

My MIL is pretty awesome too. When I fell pregnant at 17 she never judged me like my parents did. When I was 18 and fell pregnant again she came down every morning to help me get organised for the day and run the house. (I wasn't a natural farmers wife) Four kids later and she encouraged me to go back to Uni to follow my dream. When I was juggling Uni and the kids I used to come home to a meal bubbling away. She has 11 kids, God knows how she coped but I have never seen her annoyed with anyone, including 26 grandchildren. She's 83 now and still comes to visit us on a quad. I wish I had half her energy!

Original poster
grovel · 29/12/2014 19:08

Royalsighness, I'm sure that she's an aresehole and that you are completely rational.

My MiL managed to convince me early on (without ever saying as much) that she happily accepted her new "role" and that I was absolutely the paramount woman in my DH's life.

OP posts:
CateBlanket · 29/12/2014 19:14

So she tippy toed round everyone to keep the peace? What would have happened if she'd stepped out of line?

merlehaggard · 29/12/2014 19:15

I'm sorry for your loss. Mine was great too. She died 6 years ago when she was just 66. She brought up my husband and 3 great siblings. Was not at all judgmental and said some really lovely things to me over the years and never a bad thing. She was a lovely lady who we all really miss.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/12/2014 19:22

My lovely MIL's funeral was on the 23rd - she had secondary lung cancer. She was an amazing MIL - supportive, loving, accepted me as a part of the family, wise, and a great grandmother too. If she thought dh had stepped out of line in the way he behaved towards me, she would bollock him.

My three dses and dh carried her coffin into and out of the church - I have never been more proud.

Dbil came up with us for Christmas (he doesn't have a wife or partner or children), and it was a quiet day, but a good one - I think she would have wanted me to make the day as good as it could be, for them.

FindoGask · 29/12/2014 19:27

Mine was also lovely. She died suddenly nearly 8 years ago just a couple of months before her first grandchild (our eldest daughter) was born - she's got three more now who she'll never meet despite having longed to be a granny. She is hugely missed.

She welcomed me into the family straight away, loved a good laugh over a bottle (or three) of wine, was a great listener, and was always wise, kind and supportive though we had quite different values, in some ways - she was quite hurt when I decided to keep my own name when marrying her son, for example, though typically she didn't make a big deal about it.

She also really loved Christmas - it was very much her time of year, so she's especially in my thoughts at the moment.

Mehitabel6 · 29/12/2014 19:29

Mine is lovely. It is nice to have a positive thread for once!

MrsTawdry · 29/12/2014 19:30

I'm sorry your lovely MIL is gone. Flowers mine is also lovely. She refers to DH, his sister AND I as "the kids" and she loves us all. She's like yours was and isn't blind to weaknesses in her own DC. She would babysit for days if we asked...not that we do but she would.

she spends hours talking to my DC and showing them her things...like letting them go through all her jewelry and ornaments. She's funny and a bit naughty too...very sociable and up for a laugh always.

Bulbasaur · 29/12/2014 19:31

My late MIL was lovely too. :)

She would have adored DD and loved her to pieces. I wish she had lived long enough to see her first grandchild.

drudgetrudy · 29/12/2014 19:32

Not nice cateblanket-not nice at all.

Writerwannabe83 · 29/12/2014 19:33

My MIL passed away six months ago and I really miss her. She was a wonderful person. I gave a speech at her funeral, sharing all my lovely and funny memories of her and it was really emotional.

There are good ones out there.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

CateBlanket · 29/12/2014 19:38

My MiL managed to convince me early on (without ever saying as much) that she happily accepted her new "role" and that I was absolutely the paramount woman in my DH's life

And I think it's sad that any MIL would feel obliged to do this ^

Andrewofgg · 29/12/2014 19:40

I can't, I just can't pretend I miss MIL - she meant well but she was maddening.

But she would have adored the little great-granddaughter born in August, and that makes DW weepy, and that makes me weepy.

Bulbasaur · 29/12/2014 19:48

CateBlanket Yes, yes. We all get you're a miserable person with deep seeded issues. No need to pitifully continue trying to start a bun fight here. Moving along...

EachPeachPearPlum83 · 29/12/2014 20:07

My MIL is lovely. She can be quite blunt and to the point at times (with everyone including her own DCs) but at least you know where you stand! Reading some of the threads on here make me realise how lucky I am!

My own DM passed away when I was 20 so having a MIL who I get on really well with has helped. Especially at the points of my life I have even more markedly felt the loss of DM like my wedding and the birth of my DD.

Mouthfulofquiz · 29/12/2014 20:17

I love mine. She is kind, accomplished, level headed, funny and loving. I have sons now and can only hope to follow her example. So sorry for your loss Flowers

SantasFavouriteHo · 29/12/2014 20:21

I wish I'd have met mine, she died before me and dp met when he was in his teens, but by all accounts she was a marvellous woman

DramaAlpaca · 29/12/2014 20:22

Mine was lovely. She died a few years ago & I miss her. She welcomed me into the family & treated me like another daughter. Yes, we had our differences occasionally, but it didn't change how we felt about each other.

I hope I will be as good a MIL to my own sons' partners as she was to me.