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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at my mum

14 replies

bozo14 · 16/12/2014 13:17

She wont give up smokingand she has been told she has COPD and pulmonary disease.

Ive been searching as she doesnt say anything but she still smokes and im sure this is really bad to carry on when you have this condition :-(

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 16/12/2014 13:20

Yep but the nurses will have told her this already. Buy one of those e-cigs for her instead.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 16/12/2014 13:58

Not unreasonable to be annoyed but she will only give up when she is ready. She is a grown adult and makes her own decisions. Very selfish decision IMO but there's nothing you can do about it.

Original poster
bozo14 · 16/12/2014 13:59

We brought one last xmas and she used it for about a week. She says its not that ba as she smokes small roll yps and doesnt smoke a whole one every time she lights up. But she smokes and drinks and does no exercise but im sure she could prolong thing if she changed them all. But if i say anything she says she wont give up if anyone tells her to. I just dont know what to do now

OP posts:
silveroldie2 · 16/12/2014 14:15

Just a word in support of your Mum - Until 3 months ago I smoked 30 a day and tried every way I could to try and give up - e-cigs just didn't do it for me.

At the beginning of September I had a fall in my garden, fracturing my hip and femur - resulting in hospital on traction for 6 weeks. Obviously no way to smoke in a hospital ward, they gave me patches with which I continued when I came out. Still not smoking but still getting urges to have a puff but resisting so far.

I'm not suggesting your Mum does something as drastic as breaking her leg but that's what it took for me. If you have never smoked you can have no conception of how difficult it is.

I wish her all the very best.

Original poster
bozo14 · 16/12/2014 14:45

Thanks everyone. I know its hard and if she doesnt want to give up then i guess she wont but even aftrr being told you have this i thought it would of been the kick up the behind she needed.

I have and gave up as soon as i found out i was pregnant cold turkey. She couldnt give up while pregs or for grandchild so this was the last thing i think would of given her the opportunity and reason to give up so i honestly dont think she ever will now.

It just annoys me that shes not thinking about anyone else and would rather shorten her life and smoke than see her grandchildren grow up.

OP posts:
PlumpingUpPartridge · 16/12/2014 14:49

I felt the same with my mum bozo - she'd never have quit, ever.

I once smelt cigarette smoke on my baby's head and was so Sad

She's dead now so it's no longer a problem. Still bitter though.

JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe · 16/12/2014 15:12

My mum had emphysema and a lump in her chest cabity. She was in her 80s, smoked all her life. She didn't give up. For her, whatever effect giving up was likely to have was not sufficiently worthwhile to counteract the misery she would be subjected to by not having a fag.

Her choice. She was a sensible, intelligent and very intellectual old coot. I respected her choice and didn't nag.

Andrewofgg · 16/12/2014 15:26

Juxa If I reach my eighties in possession of my marbles and sufficiently mobile to go outside I will go back to big cigars!

JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe · 16/12/2014 15:32

Grin quite right too, Andrew.

Mind you, when mum was only nearly 70, she had a series of severe heart attacks. She was advised to give up smoking, but her cardiologist agreed with her decision to continue smoking, as her whole digestive system pretty well shut down when she tried to stop. Mum's attitude was always - why prolong your life when what prolongs it makes you miserable?

SorchaN · 16/12/2014 15:42

My mother finally gave up smoking when she was diagnosed with lung cancer in her 70s, after having lived with COPD for many years. Some people do seem to find it harder to give up than others, even when there are very good reasons to quit. I can understand your annoyance, but your mum probably won't be able to give up until she is ready - if ever. The only thing you can do is to be supportive if and when she does decide to stop. I can tell you though (as someone who still smokes) that nagging or expressing your annoyance won't make it easier for her to quit. Sad, but true.

Topseyt · 16/12/2014 15:43

My MIL had small cell lung cancer as a direct result of being a lifelong smoker. She didn't want to give up and she smoked right up until about a week or so before she died, by which time she was simply too ill to do anything at all.

It may seem logical to give up after such a diagnosis, but smoking is an addiction so logic may go out of the window.

I am not a smoker by the way, but I am the child of two dyed in the wool smokers who I know would never give up now. They are 80.

manchestermummy · 16/12/2014 15:50

YANBU in the slightest. My mum is exactly the same. She absolutely will not even consider giving up smoking. She raged - actually threatened to throw me out of her house at one point - at me for not wanting to be around cigarette smoke while pregnant, and bought me an ashtray for my flat so she could smoke when she visited.

I get very angry with her which maybe I shouldn't, but she's killing herself and appears not to care.

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 16/12/2014 16:17

Yanbu OP. Not even one tiny bit.

My dearest Dad has suffered from the vascular effects of smoking for years but will not give up. I firmly believe all those years of heavy smoking caused his skin cancer (Under his nose) which wasn't caught in time and has spread to his brain. :(

Original poster
bozo14 · 16/12/2014 17:56

Sadly shes only 55. Im not sure she will even reach her 70s at this rate :-(

OP posts:
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