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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with my DC over this?

20 replies

velvetspoon · 05/12/2014 18:02

Tonight is a Xmas 'do' in my dept at work. Nothing too fancy, buffet and drinks in a nice local pub.

I usually go to all work social events (mainly because in my current role I'm a bit on the periphery of things, and don't get much opportunity to talk to people).

However this year I decided not to go, and have a night at home with my DC instead. I don't see them every other weekend, and in the week I'm at work much of the time. So I thought it'd be nice. Agreed I'd cook a favourite meal for them.

All fine. Until half an hour ago when DS1 called to say he won't be home til 10, and DS2 has gone off to his dad's for the weekend.

Feel really quite annoyed with the pair of them.

OP posts:
aturtlenamedmack · 05/12/2014 18:03

Can't you go last min? Or is it a booked thing?

EatShitDezza · 05/12/2014 18:03

Can you still not go?

InfinitySeven · 05/12/2014 18:03

Oh. Do they know that you didn't go?

Could you go along now? Say you wanted to get changed or something? Or just be honest and say that you changed your mind? I bet people will be glad to see you.

Vitalstatistix · 05/12/2014 18:05

I think that is selfish of them. Since you say you agreed you'd cook a favourite meal for them, clearly they knew of this arrangement and that it was specifically so you enjoy some time with them.

I don't blame you for being hacked off, I would be too.

I think you should tell them. They are old enough to be told when their behaviour and choices make someone else feel bad.

Hakluyt · 05/12/2014 18:08

They did actually know didn't they? If they definitely knew and agreed to come then they have been incredibly selfish, and you should call them on it.

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 05/12/2014 18:09

The thing is that a night in with mum means very little to children and a lot to mum. You were daft putting them first on, probably, one of the rare opportunities you get to go out. You need to start carving your own life now which will include them but not revolve around them.

Original poster
velvetspoon · 05/12/2014 18:11

I cant really go now, I was on the way home when they called, and by the time I get home and drop my stuff off (gym kit, Xmas shopping done at lunchtime, cos I was expecting to go straight home after work) it'll be really late. Most people only stay til 8ish, and I wouldn't get back much before that.

OP posts:
Original poster
velvetspoon · 05/12/2014 18:23

I did tell them when we spoke on the phone, but I don't think me being upset bothers them. I pointed out to DS2 I won't see him til Monday eve now, and asked him to come home tomorrow but I doubt he will.

We don't spend much time together as a family, so I'd hoped to do so tonight.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 05/12/2014 18:26

Thanks I'm sure that they do care about you though, even if they aren't showing it.

Original poster
velvetspoon · 05/12/2014 19:45

Thanks. It's not that I want them to be upset, but I just wish they were slightly less thoughtless.

OP posts:
youareallbonkers · 05/12/2014 20:39

That's kids for you I'm afraid

timetoplay · 05/12/2014 21:07

Kids are thoughtless, but I'd be less inclined to help them in their next 'kid emergency'. By which I mean 'mum i need this shirt for tomorrow!' emergency.

timetoplay · 05/12/2014 21:08

Have a glass of wine OP, maybe get a friend over or watch a good film?

CyclopsBee · 05/12/2014 21:19

How old are they?
I've not seen my DD since Monday as we both work shifts, she is 24
DS is moaning cos I won't let his 15 year old girlfriend stay over, he's 16,
You can borrow him if you like Grin

Thanks for you, do something nice for yourself! nice bath and takeaway, bit of telly?

Original poster
velvetspoon · 05/12/2014 21:37

They are 16 and 13.

DS2 never normally wants to go to his dads. The current attraction is because his dad has bought him an Xbox One for Xmas, but gave it yo him 2 weeks ago...I was less than impressed with that.

I have tea and chocolate. It's not all bad, but not quite the evening I had in mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
velvetspoon · 06/12/2014 13:33

Well DS1 finally got one at 1130 last night, and is still in bed. As for DS2, he's not coming home til tomorrow, when I won't be here.

Meant to be putting up the tree today...guess I'll be doing that on my own as well.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 06/12/2014 13:53

I think you are being a bit unrealistic in your expectation of your teens thinking eating a meal in the house with their Mum as being "an occasion" tbh - you should have gone to the Christmas 'do' in the first place.

I'm happy that my teens have things to do / work to go to / friends to meet, rather than expecting them to think 'a night in with Mum' is, in any way a "thing".

Original poster
velvetspoon · 06/12/2014 14:02

Perhaps I have different expectations. I work ft during the week, and often am home too late to cook dinner. I don't have the luxury of being hone when they get in from school or shortly thereafter. They spend alternate weekends at their dads. So I don't get a great deal of time with them. Mostly they are doing their own thing because I'm not here, or they're with their dad. There's nothing I can do about that. But I can try and be home when I can, and when I've suggested a nice dinner for them, and it's just a shame they weren't here.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 06/12/2014 14:15

Wow- if I had discussed and made a plan with my dcs I would most certainly expect them to stick to it unless something really major came up. And they would expect the same of me. We lead busy lives, and actually look forward to arrangements like a Saturday pizza or nachos with the Apprentice.

Why do people have such low expectations of teenagers? It's really sad.

BackforGood · 06/12/2014 17:55

I guess it depends how it was phrased Hak - Velvet's post after my post does put a different light on it, with the fact they don't normally eat together, etc.
I was only answering from my own perspective, where we eat together most days, but if ds was asked if he could stay late at work (which happened quite often last yr) I'd expect him to take the opportunity with both hands, tbh, and equally, if they all decided to go out from work, I'd wish him well. Different of course if it were a specially arranged occasion - for a birthday or some other celebration, but, from the opening post I didn't read it as such, just the OP thinking 'Oh it will be nice tonight, we're all in for a change' rather than a formally arranged 'one off'.

I certainly don't have low expectations of my teens.

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