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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross about this children's secret Santa ishoooo

29 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 10:38

I am hosting our annual NCT Christmas/birthday party this year. The DC's are 2. We are doing a secret Santa and, last night, DH drew the names.

So, I was just about to email everyone with the names this morning but we that we all have an email from another one of the mothers saying she is happy to set up an electronic name picker thing from a website. That has put my nose slightly out of joint but, meh, whatever

What I don't like though is apparently this site has a wish list So you can put on what your DC would like to receive. AIBU to think this is rather bad form?

Don't get me wrong, family members often ask me what the DC would like for Xmas and I do the same too. However, I think it's a bit much to expect someone to ensure that they have a gift that has been specifically specified by the parent for the purposes of a secret Santa?

OP posts:

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 04/12/2014 10:39

YANBU.

Tell her thanks but you've already sorted it.

I hate this sort of grabby gifting!

DidoTheDodo · 04/12/2014 10:41

Is it elfster? I got involved in one of these and find it rather impersonal and not awfully in the spirit of secret Santa. But it is probably fairly convenient and you don't have to fill in the wish list, or read anyone else's.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 10:48

It's called drawnames apparently

Not sure how I can say it's all sorted without looking peevish although I would like to.

In the spirit of total honesty, I have it admit that I am probably slightly annoyed as I actually got a present when I was out the other day. Was trying to be organised as have a 10 month old as well as the just 2 year old.

Now I'll have to take the damn thing back or gift it onto someone else as I don't really see how I can ignore a wish list. I will not be doing one for DS though - he can graciously accept what he is given!

OP posts:

DidoTheDodo · 04/12/2014 10:53

You can ignore a wish list. You have my express permission. It's secret anyway!

TicTicBOOM · 04/12/2014 10:54

I've taken part in secret santas that have used these websites and I think they're great.

Is it a wishlist or a list of things their LOs like/dislike? If the latter, yabu! I think it makes good sense to list the type of things your child will really appreciate rather than receiving something they won't and it going unplayed with.

If it's an actual, detailed description of what they'd like to receive from you then yanbu, surely that defeats the object of gift giving. May as well hand them the money to buy it themselves...

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 10:56

Dido

True re: being secret but think we can all work out each other's hand writing

Honestly, I suppose I should be very glad that my life is so relatively stress free that these things are quite annoying first world problems

OP posts:

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 10:58

It's a wish list.

Maybe everyone else in the group's 24 month old is very advanced but mine has no great aversion to any toy and would be pleased to get anything. He doesn't have any huge dislikes apart from having his nappy changed

OP posts:

dinkystinky · 04/12/2014 11:02

You can ignore the wish list.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 11:03

The other thing is that the limit is £10. I really do not have the time or the inclination to start searching for toys for DS online to that limit to do a wish list. Obviously, I won't but I'm amazed that anyone else has the time. ignores fact that I could get off mumsnet obviously

It's a £10 toy FFS. Fair enough if someone in the group had previous for presenting a toddler with a £10 bottle of vodka or a knife and needed some guidance but how hard is it it look pleased and enthusiastic when your DC opens the present without having it micromanage the gift giver

OP posts:

quietlysuggests · 04/12/2014 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 04/12/2014 11:07

So you buy presents for the kids?

They are 2, the give not a shit! How have you bought a present before you knew who it was for?

NomorepepperpigPLEASE · 04/12/2014 11:07

wow! YANBU

what re you going to do?

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 11:07

No - she is very nice and not intimidating at all

I don't feel I can say anything as someone else has already replied to say it sounds like a good idea. So I think it would look a bit rude if I said not to so it

Someone else has just emailed to say they can't make it now so wonder if they are similarly put off

OP posts:

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 11:08

I bought a generic, unisex present [smug face]

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheep · 04/12/2014 11:13

honestly I think yabu - no one knew you had already picked names - she hasn't don't it to annoy you - I'm not sure why you are bothered - just use the name picker and stop feeling meh

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 11:21

I'm not so bothered about the name picker. I just don't like the wish list bit. I feel double meh re that

Am wondering if it would be v bad to ignore the email and send out mine with the SS names!

OP posts:

Pinkje · 04/12/2014 11:36

Don't ignore the email, that would look petty. In your shoes I would say, thanks I'll use the website but forgo the wish list as I don't have time. And cos you don't have much time you've already bought your unisex gift.

NomorepepperpigPLEASE · 04/12/2014 11:37

yes ignore email and send out SS names

Pinkje · 04/12/2014 11:46

Ha ha, will be following this to see how it goes!

SparkleZilla · 04/12/2014 11:55

its a wishlist, not a order! if you want a certain item, buy it

DidoTheDodo · 04/12/2014 12:01

To avoid the handwriting issue, cut letters out of a newspaper in the style of an old fashioned ransom note.

skylark2 · 04/12/2014 12:06

I would say thanks but it's all already sorted for this year, and then discuss with the group whether they like the wishlist idea for next year. It's too late to introduce it now - plenty of people will have already bought.

MarchEliza · 04/12/2014 12:08

I would use the name picker site that she has suggested but let her know that you have already picked out a gift (you won't be the only one I'm sure - as you say - they are 2 and will not be too picky about anything yet).

It's up to everyone else if they go by the wishlist or not but I would let them know it is a suggestion not compulsory.

beachysandy75 · 04/12/2014 12:09

We have done an Xmas party in the past and we have just brought our own child a present that he/she will get from Santa. That way you can just give them something you want to give them but of course Santa is giving it. At the end of the day your children won't know who bought the present.

CSIGingerbread · 04/12/2014 12:35

Dear nice and well meaning NCT friend

Many thanks for that- I hadn't heard of that before (didn't know there was even an app for that!) however it's a bit late this year to use without discussing with the others but what a fab and easier way to use next year!

So due to 20 days before Christmas, will be sending out the hat drawn names this year in the following email to you all. Looking forward to seeing you at mine for the party!

Lots of love

gobbo

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