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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had enough and not be able to cope with this

28 replies

Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 09:44

Taking dcs to school this morning, drove past DMs house only to see two ambulances. Stopped to check she was ok, she wasn't.

She had called 999 as thought she was having a stroke, had been very very sick and is generally very unwell. Dh took dcs into school.
DM is too ill to be left alone but I have ds2 2 with me and dd needs to be picked up before lunch. I can't stay her with them as dd cannot catch a sickness bug (if it is that not sure but have to be careful as she's diabetic) also I'm not happy leaving DM alone.

Phoned dsis, she has no dcs but refuses to come as she has a cold and doesn't want to catch anything.
Db is working over an hour away so he's trying to see if he can come but is not sure. Dh needs to get to work but is currently out with ds2 in buggy as can't bring him into the house as DM so poorly.

I need an extra pair of hands I can't look after dcs and deal one and dh needs to get to work. So annoyed that dsis won't help. Just needed a rant.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 04/12/2014 10:04

Yanbu, seems like it's all left to you. Your sister seems a bit selfish but maybe she better not come, In case your dm picks up something from her and gets worse. Do you have a friend or a mum friend of your dds who you could ask to drop her off?

sneepy · 04/12/2014 10:09

I've read a lot of your threads and it's always something with your family! In this case I think you need to look after the health of your own children. If your dd cannot afford to get a sickness bug then you cannot stay there.

Your mum is an adult. If she is so ill she can't be left alone then why wasn't she taken to hospital?

MidniteScribbler · 04/12/2014 10:12

Why should your brother have to take time off work when you have a husband that could take time off work? Why would you even think of calling them when he could just call in to work and say he can't come in?

lemisscared · 04/12/2014 10:14

Flowers its hard

lemisscared · 04/12/2014 10:15

Midnight - because its his mother!!!

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 10:16

I don't think dsis is that 'ill' she said in her text that she refuses to nurse a woman who she doesn't get on with regardless of how difficult that makes things for me and db.

Db is driving back from where he works but its an hour or so away, he is going to help me but I think is in trouble for leaving work.

I think DM is really really anxious and that's making her feel worse, the ambulance men checked her thoroughly as DM thought she was having a stroke. It may be a bug or a migraine. She does seem very ill though. Db said he will take her to the hospital when he gets here if she's that bad.

I'm just a bit upset by dsis attitude, I can understand why she feels that way towards DM due to the problems they've had but it puts me and db in a difficult position then as we both have dcs/jobs to consider.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 04/12/2014 10:17

But it's the care of her children that are the issue. She can stay with the mother, DH can care for his children. Seems pretty simple to me.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 10:21

It's also me as if I get ill caring for dcs/passing on anything would be a nightmare. Dsis has no dcs or work and db has a fulltime job and dcs too so I just wanted dsis to help today.

Db is here now so dh can go to work and I can pick dd up at midday and ds later etc etc and not have to worry DM is alone as she seems very ill

OP posts:
Mumto3dc · 04/12/2014 10:28

I feel for you but I do get where your sister is coming from. Different people react differently to bad parenting.
I would struggle to p**s on my mum if she was on fire and I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to care for her. She has never been a parent to me and I'm damned if I could ever be a daughter to her.

I'd say it's not about you, it's about how deeply you sister has been affected by your mothers poor parenting.

SanityClause · 04/12/2014 10:29

But he wouldn't have to look after the DC, if the brother's mother wasn't ill!

The emergency has happened because the mother is ill. It isn't a childcare problem. If their grandmother wasn't ill, the children would have childcare.

Why should a son not take time off work to look after his poorly mother?

SanityClause · 04/12/2014 10:30

That was to Midnite.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 04/12/2014 10:34

Sounds like your mum has the sickness bug that's going round?

If she was that ill she'd have been taken by ambulance to hospital.

Make sure your mum is comfortable, leave a flask of cooled boiled water next to her, go home and tell her you'll call in later today to check on her.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 10:34

I couldn't have not stopped to check after seeing the ambulance there, despite how dreadful DM has been. Dsis may not want to help DM but it seems she will not help db or me either

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/12/2014 10:43

Agree with the other posts.

You need to prioritise needs here and your DCs' are greater in that they can't become ill and you need to be well to look after them

The best thing for your mum is probably to sleep so settle her in bed with some water and go home. Pop round this evening to check on her and check in on her duru g the day by text. If she becomes very unwell again, she can call an ambulance

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 04/12/2014 10:46

you should have let your mum go in to hospital if she was that sick.

Presumably she's an adult and not terminally ill or anything?

I've posted on your threads before, and you seem to take a lot on, when you really have enough to be going on with with your kids who are unwell with various conditions.

you need to put your own family first. If your mum isn't well, then she either copes on her own or goes to hospital and you visit her there.

You cannot expect your brother or sister to drop everything at short notice (doesn't your sister have unstable epilepsy or something anyway?)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/12/2014 10:50

Midnite the care of the children isn't the issue. OP can care for her children. It's the care of the mother that's the issue and why shouldn't OP's brother or sister step up?! I'm sometimes baffled by what I read on here.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 04/12/2014 11:04

I understand why it must have been frustrating but I really don't think your sister has done anything wrong. If they don't get on then why would your sister put herself out? If helping your mother is something you want to do or feel you have to do then that is complelety understandable, but it is your decision

Icimoi · 04/12/2014 11:13

I suggest you call the GP: your mother probably needs more than a paramedic's diagnosis, and he might just have some suggestions in terms of district nurse or home help support.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 11:14

Yes dsis has epilepsy so says she can't get it and throw up medication but she regularly forgets her tablets and is ok so I'm not sure how much of an effect a bug would have. Dd cannot catch it as would def be very unwell due to her diabetes.

Db is looking after DM now so all sorted out

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 04/12/2014 11:24

But it's the care of her children that are the issue. She can stay with the mother, DH can care for his children. Seems pretty simple to me.

Or her DB can go & look after his mum & op can sort her children out.

That seems pretty simple to me!

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 04/12/2014 11:26

You need to stop being a martyr and put your own family first. Everyone else is not your problem. They are adults. They can sort themselves out.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/12/2014 11:55

I haven't been a martyr db has stepped in after I called him

OP posts:
FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 04/12/2014 12:02

But there was no need for anyone to step in - your DM called an ambulance and got appropriate treatment - if she can't be left alone, they would have taken her to the hospital.

littlemslazybones · 04/12/2014 12:18

Am I right in thinking, from previous post OP, that your Mum is very manipulative? How convenient that she should call for an ambulance at the same time as the school run and have all her children, who were so pissed off with her that they weren't going to spend Christmas with her, jump to her tune?

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 04/12/2014 12:19

Oh I didn't realise that littlems. Shock

Then, hedgehog, for sure you need to toughen up, and put yourself, your kids and your DH first and centre.

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