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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

re telling off in soft play today?

41 replies

HandOverTheChocolate · 30/11/2014 18:28

DS is 18 months and we've started going along to our local bear pit soft play. Unfortunately I got told off today but I don't think I did anything wrong.

Basically DS was in the 0-2 bit and went down the slide crashing into a 4ish year old who was in the process of climbing up it. He went off crying to find his dad who was on his laptop in the cafe at the other end of the warehouse. I was comforting DS who'd hurt his face in the collision. Next minute I'm getting a dressing down from the dad for not supervising DS properly and allowing his son to get hurt. I wanted to respond that if he's been supervising his son at all then it wouldn't have happened, but I didn't say anything because I'm a bit of a chicken.

I was watching DS at the time but wasn't in with him as I have mobility problems so can't climb over the barrier very easily and it happened so quickly. I feel really bad that both of them were hurt but there are signs up everywhere saying no climbing up the slides and I don't think it's fair to blame me or DS because ultimately this little boy was hurt doing something he shouldn't have been doing and that's down to his dad, not me.

AIBU?

OP posts:

kali110 · 30/11/2014 18:31

Dad should have been supervising also

kali110 · 30/11/2014 18:32

Damm phone. If he were the child wouldn't have been climbing up a slide!

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2014 18:32

Yes YABU

Ok that's ^^ not true

But every time I read a thread where the OP is clearing not BU under any circumstances, it just makes me want to post YABU

What part of this makes you think you were BU, just out of interest?

Littlefish · 30/11/2014 18:33

The other dad is completely at fault and should have been supervising his child properly.

However, you should have spoken up though and told him that his child was climbing up the slide and therefore, the accident was his fault.

PurpleWithRed · 30/11/2014 18:33

YANBU; his dad should have been supervising him and he shouldn't have been in the 0-2 bit. But other kids climbing up ladders is an occupational hazard of soft play so you do have to be very vigilant. Ask other carers to give you a hand if you can't take quick action yourself.

MrsHathaway · 30/11/2014 18:33

4yo shouldn't have been climbing up the 0-2 slide, and dad knew that.

However, correct etiquette is to call to DC at the top of the slide: "Horatio, dear, you need to wait until the slide is clear." Repeat, loudly, as required. For extra points, add "Come along, little boy, we don't climb up the slide, do we?" in your cheeriest Joyce Grenfell voice.

toomuchcoffeetoomuchwine · 30/11/2014 18:34

The guy is a twit. If a kid climbs up a slide he is asking for a bruising.

Selinasupreme · 30/11/2014 18:34

YANBU and if you just needed to vent, you have come to the right place!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/11/2014 18:37

No Y.N.B.U. His d.s is 4 a lot older than 18 months. Had he been supervising him instead of concentrating on his lap top then maybe his son would not have got hurt. Isn't he brave challenging a women.
Interesting to know if he'd have reacted the same with a six foot tall six foot wide man. I'm sceptical.
Hope you're okay.

Original poster

HandOverTheChocolate · 30/11/2014 18:38

Worra, I think I'm possibly being unreasonable because I feel so guilty. I feel guilty that I wasn't in there with him, if I had been I'd have been able to stop him going down. It's not impossible for me to be in there, just very difficult. He doesn't understand yet that he shouldn't go down if someone is coming up. Although he knows not to try and go up himself. So maybe I'm not supervising him enough and am putting too much trust in others following the rules.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2014 18:41

I know what you mean OP

I would never put trust in others to follow the rules, because there are too many people who think the rules don't apply to their little darlings.

However, both kids learnt a lesson today...although it's a shame your child had to learn that way, as he did nothing wrong.

I'd chalk it down to experience and avoid the bear pit

redskybynight · 30/11/2014 18:43

Agree that 4 year old should not be climbing up a slide.
Also agree his dad should have been watching him.

But also think that if your DC is not old enough to understand that he needs to look out for other children, then he needs more careful supervision.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/11/2014 18:45

The dad is 100% in the wrong here.

Not only should he have been watching his child. but the child should be in the age appropriate bit. And wherever the child was he should not have been climbing up the slide and mine would have been pulled out and time outed for that as you don't do that.

FamiliesShareGerms · 30/11/2014 19:01

And this is one of the many many reasons why I hate soft play...

Marmiteandjamislush · 30/11/2014 19:31

YABU, for going to soft play in the first place. They are vile filthy places, which teach children nothing and turn parents daft. YWNU re, other child though.

bauhausfan · 30/11/2014 19:39

YANBU - he was in the wrong. You will need to stand up for yourself and your child more though - there are some real batshit crazy parents out there.

I once got screamed at by a mother because my 18 month old had not said thank you when she let him go first through a piece of netting. It was nuts. She said my child had no manners. The only thing I can think of is that DS1 looked a lot older than his age - either that or she wasn't right in the head.

RiverTam · 30/11/2014 19:39

dad is totally wrong, and I reckon he knew it. His son a) shouldn't have been in the 0-2 bit, especially unsupervised, and b) should know at that age not to climb up the slide when other DC are around - god, I've been drumming that into DD since she was about 2! However, you do need to also teach your DS not to go down the slide if anyone else is on it or at the bottom. The only additional supervising I think you should have done is call out to the 4yo to stop climbing the slide, and to tell your DS to wait until he'd got off.

If the dad didn't want to supervise he should have slung his DS into the age-appropriate bit and let him wreck havoc there!

naty1 · 30/11/2014 20:11

Completely other childs fault.

Should know better
Shouldnt be in there

I would have argued with the dad.

OTOH you need to be able to watch an 18m old. As say if another 18m old had climbed slide but like you parent was unable to watch them.
The signs usually say supervising and you are not if you couldnt see DC.
But that is part of why both should be watching so you can tell them what they are doing wrong

TheHatInTheCat · 30/11/2014 20:12

You need to learn to stick up for yourself and your ds.

Anewmeanewname · 30/11/2014 20:18

Do you actually know that the other child was 4? You describe him as "4-ish". I only ask because several of the responses above are working on the assumption that the other child was 4 (ie significantly older than your 18m dc) whereas I know of several 2 year olds that could easily pass for 4.

That said, the other child's father had no right to rebuke you, espec if he hadn't been supervising properly.

Hatespiders · 30/11/2014 20:23

At Edinburgh Airport in the passengers' lounge there's quite a large 'soft play' thing. I had quite a wait and found a seat near it. A huge extended family of Liverpool people and their children were waiting for a flight and their many children were in the soft play. Suddenly, a quite old, large Scouse lad came out, bawling his head off and said a boy had 'bumped' him. It was ever so interesting. All the muscular men rose as one and formed a phalanx, heading for the soft play. A tiny little kid stood terrified with his wispy mum, eyes wide with horror, as the Scouse Army advanced. He stammered his apology and the Military melted away again, heading for the bar. 'Soft play' my arse!

ClangerOnaComeDown · 30/11/2014 20:26

YANBU

This happened to me a while a go in a huge soft play area. I was taking my dd down the slide on my lap. As I pushed off a toddler started to climb the section of slide I was on (out of 6 possible sections).

I couldn't stop myself even though I tried. In the end I reached out and tried to pick up the child during collision. Ended up with a squished dd, toddler with a bashed head and my front tooth busted and a bloody gob.

Obviously in shock I found the toddlers parent (who was in the cafe behind the screens) Handed him over and explained what had happened. I was shocked that the parent then snatched the child off me and started really telling him off. I tried to say he should be checked for a head injury as the force of the crash was quite strong. I was given an evil look and the toddler was dragged out screaming.

Poor kid!

LilyPapps · 30/11/2014 20:26

Ya by. Older children playing fast and rough in an area clearly marked 0-2, hence populated by crawling babies and tottering new walkers, is a bugbear of mine.

confuddledDOTcom · 30/11/2014 20:27

Of course you weren't, you know that and I don't think you need anyone to tell you all the ways he was in the wrong. I totally empathise with you BTW, I've also got mobility issues and been known to have to put my crutches somewhere so I could run in and rescue someone - although I try to avoid because everyone looks at you like you're a faker then.

I was in a playground with my friend's kids who were 3. A family group of older children kept pushing in front of them on the slide or going straight back up it and my friends children couldn't get down. They both have ASD type issues so it was stressing them out. I went along and gave them what for, they moved so they could go down then blocked them next time with me still there. I let them have it again and as I was telling them off one boy was coming up the slide behind me so I put my hand behind me so that it was on his face and pushed him back down (not hard and I didn't hit or hurt him). I think I was actually more angry that the parents weren't there to challenge that a strange woman had just told their kids off and pushed one down the slide.

It's really one of my big bugs in playgrounds and soft play when children are unsupervised and end up doing things to risk other children. The amount of children going down the full length slide in a warehouse type place we go to scares me.

Yarp · 30/11/2014 20:31

You were not in the wrong, OP

For something so fun for children, soft play is bloody stressful for parents.

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