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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school, and complain?

21 replies

Notreallyonisit · 23/11/2014 18:17

DDs are 15 (twins.)

They have a friend (A) and they have a bit of a love/hate relationship with her. Basically A was a good friend once but has gone off the rails a bit. But they have history with her.

A isn't always very good at taking care of herself. A few students noticed she had body odour and there were some unkind comments.

The teacher screwed her nose up and said 'someone needs deodorant.'

AIBU to think this is horrible?

OP posts:
Nativity3 · 23/11/2014 18:18

Could the teacher have been saying it so she didn't offend A or embarrass her? (Doesn't sound like it was directed at her)

LadyLuck10 · 23/11/2014 18:20

If she said it in general then I don't think there's any reason to complain. At 15 yo surely you can handle that.

Silkchiffon · 23/11/2014 18:22

You had this from your dd's or from the friend directly? I think you need to be sure of the exact details

Wishtoremainunknown · 23/11/2014 18:22

I think she handled it fine ! She's letting her know without singling her out in front of everyone.

maddy68 · 23/11/2014 18:24

At 15 kids can stand up for themselves, this could be totally out of context or indeed not verbatim.
I really wouldn't contact the school. If the girl was traumatised by it HER parents will contact the school. Presumably they would have the full facts too

CromerSutra · 23/11/2014 18:25

I see what you mean, it depends on how it was said really. If she was thinking "Gosh, this is difficult, I don't know how to broach it, I'll just make a general comment, sort of like a joke, that might work" I can see that this might have been better than embarrassing A by taking her aside. If she said it in a nasty way I agree with you. This is a really tricky one isn't it though, how do you talk to someone about it?

Allisgood1 · 23/11/2014 18:26

I would contact the school expressing concern for A rather than complaining tbh.

Fairenuff · 23/11/2014 18:28

No I wouldn't get involved with that at all.

Starlightbright1 · 23/11/2014 18:30

Nope wouldn't even get involved. Her say from a 15 year old about someone else's child

Quitelikely · 23/11/2014 18:32

I think you should ensure regular showers and deodorant every day.

Unfortunately you will never get away with smelling in school other kids just aren't that nice.

The teacher might not have known who was actually smelling of BO but just made the comment.

Maybe it's a regular smell and she thinks the parents must know about it too.

Floggingmolly · 23/11/2014 18:34

If a few students have noticed then it had to be brought to her attention somehow. Why are your dd's up in arms about her being made aware? She wasn't publicly embarrassed.

WooWooOwl · 23/11/2014 18:35

It would be ridiculous to complain about a teacher commenting that someone needs deodorant when someone does in fact need deodorant. Sometimes teenagers do need to be told, and it would have been unkind to aim the comment at anyone directly so the teacher made her point as a general one to the class. It's a parents job really, but sometimes teachers are unfortunately put in the position of having to say something.

ilovesooty · 23/11/2014 18:37

For goodness' sake. Surely there aren't grounds for complaint here? No one was singled out. I can't believe you're being serious.

makeitabetterplace · 23/11/2014 18:37

When I teach children in the summer there is generally some stinky armpits in the room. I don't generally get close enough to work out who it is but I will always say 'you're all fabulous, but it's getting a bit armpitty in here, can we sort deodorant and washing for tomorrow please?' I've always thought it more kindly than working out who smells and pointing at them. I have, in the past, had words with parents of children who smell and that did NOT go well so I think being general is how I'll keep it unless someone can think of a better way.

bloodyteenagers · 23/11/2014 18:49

What would you have preferred?
Teacher not say anything.
Teacher single her out in the class
Teacher ask her to stay after class to mention it.

Why is it horrible?

26Point2Miles · 23/11/2014 18:55

Dear lord... Teachers can't win can they!?

ChimesAndCarols · 23/11/2014 18:57

Dear Lord (again) - I would have thought teachers had far more important things to do than deal with petty complaints like this.

lljkk · 23/11/2014 19:07

DS had teachers harangue the whole class (of 11-12yos) about all of them needing better personal hygiene and how much they stank. I don't have a problem with it.

TheAlias · 23/11/2014 19:07

I agree with makeit. In any classroom of teenagers there are going to be at least one or two who could do with a bit more attention to personal hygiene, sometimes it's because they forgot this morning, sometimes it's a regular occurrence. It is horrible for everyone and there is no perfect way to deal with it.

Kindest might be for the girl's friends to have said something...

ghostspirit · 23/11/2014 19:08

maybe the teacher should have taken her to one side and had a chat or maybe the school nurse.

i have had smell issues with both my kids :/

my son is 12 now and sometimes he really smells. I started with L go get a wash and use some deodorant so you feel nice and fresh. The reply is but why im not going anywhere i dont need to freshen up im fine. go on and on like that. so I say 'L' you stink get a wash now... then he does had similar with more daughter round that age as well. tried to be nice about it but did not get it so i had to be blunt.

mind you if a teacher had said what i did to my kids not sure if i would be impressed. i think i would rather the teacher rang me and had a chat but i guess that would also depend on the type of parent i was. pretty hard for teachers i guess. Also at 15 kids are still dependant on their parents they dont have money unless parents give it. for all anyone knows there might not even be any deodrant in the house or a bar of soap :/

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2014 19:11

I think it's fine unless it was actually directed at the girl herself.

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