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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have voiced my concern on this issue?

18 replies

NobodyLivesHere · 23/11/2014 05:15

I'm a health care student, part of my dissertation includes the effects of early weaning on babies.
I have a family member with a 10 week old baby who she has been feeding Rusk for the past couple of weeks.
I very politely posted on her Facebook saying she should look into the safety of this before continuing to do so. She has now blown up, accused me of being unsupportive and deleted me from her friends list.
Was I wrong to have said something? I'm really quite hurt she thinks I was being mean or something.

OP posts:
becominglessofalurker · 23/11/2014 05:31

I think u just went about it in the wrong way. Couldn't u have spoken to her in person or at least pm'd her. All of her fb friends now know that someone thinks she is doing the wrong thing. That might be really embarrassing for her.

ArsenicSoup · 23/11/2014 05:32

YANBU to raise the issue.

YABVVU to do it in public via social media.

Speaking to her privately would have been better.

Original poster
NobodyLivesHere · 23/11/2014 05:36

I guess you're right, I didn't just randomly bring it up just to be clear. She posted a status saying 'xXxX loving his Rusk'. I should have pm'd her.

OP posts:
magpiegin · 23/11/2014 05:36

Agree with the others, you should have done it in person or over the telephone, not via FB (publicly or via pm).

CariadsDarling · 23/11/2014 05:36

You criticised her parenting on her FB and you wonder why she's peed off with you?

You also need a course on tact and diplomacy as part of your studies.

Moreisnnogedag · 23/11/2014 05:37

Yeah fb was a crap way to go about it. It's snidely and finger pointing - if you had a concern you should have spoken to her privately (and Tbf she may have to butt out anyway).

ilovesooty · 23/11/2014 05:46

If you were going to raise it you should have spoken to her personally. Even messaging her doesn't seem acceptable to me. What is it with people's reluctance to talk to people face to face? I suspect you knew that even then she wouldn't have taken it well.
Criticising her parenting in public and on social media was really off. I'm not surprised she's deleted you.

Original poster
NobodyLivesHere · 23/11/2014 05:59

She doesn't have a phone and she doesn't live close enough for me to visit in person.
I wasn't critical, I'm not like that, I just said 'did you know there are studies rekated to weaning early that show x y z' I was very tactful. I was doing it out of concern, because I love her and her so. she is very young and I was trying to help. I accept that in hindsight I shoujd have made it a private message, but I wasn't being snide or mean in any way.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 23/11/2014 06:02

If you were unable to raise it in person then you should have left it in my opinion. You weren't tactful in using public social media however you think you phrased it.

milkingmachine1 · 23/11/2014 06:05

Maybe just tell her what you've written here (in post above) and apologise. Just explain you're sorry and didn't mean to hurt her.
I do agree 10 weeks is way too early and I would have had to say something too, but in private.

Original poster
NobodyLivesHere · 23/11/2014 06:16

I have messages her and apologised for putting it publicly. Thanks milkingmachine. I just think back to when my children were tiny and I wish I'd have had some family who cared around me. Thanks everyone for your replies.

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 23/11/2014 11:34

you were out of order and you have no idea whether the rusk has been recommended by her medical support. my friend was told to start weaning at about that age by her dd's pediatric consultant due to some health issues.

you have basically publicly shamed her and I am not surprised she has cut you off. your intentions may have been good but you went about it in all the wrong ways.

I would grovel and be prepared for her to tall you to get lost!

FinallyHere · 23/11/2014 11:54

Its a difficult message to learn, that all the knowledge and learning in the world, will be wasted if you can't find the right way to put your message across. Good one to have learnt, though.

Haffdonga · 23/11/2014 11:55

Health care student?

It seems surprising that you didn't consider how it may feel to a new mum being publicly told she is possibly harming her baby. If you are training to be a health adviser of any sort you may need to put as much thought into learning empathy and people skills as factual knowledge.

Monathevampire1 · 23/11/2014 13:54

YABVVU. You gave unsolicited advice to a family member over a public forum. You are a health care student not your family members medical professional. You've seriously overstepped the mark.

foreverondiet · 23/11/2014 14:12

Totally wrong to do so publically. Should have said it in person or phone call. Or if neither possible email I suppose.

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 23/11/2014 14:19

Personally I don't think it was any of your business at all. You should have kept your nose out.

Lemonsole · 23/11/2014 14:21

While HCPs may well, very, very rarely suggest early weaning, I would bet a gerzillion pounds that none of them worth their salt would ever recommend the sugar-filled horrors that are rusks for a ten-week old baby.

PM would have been the best way, but don't feel bad that you did. Rusks are beyond grim.

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