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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to boot him out?

26 replies

Homepride1 · 15/11/2014 22:34

Have a 8 week old baby and I'm currently really poorly, raging temp, sweats, shivers, sore throat, cough etc! My bf has his own company and can't easily take time off (does regularly if he fancies a game of golf, or hungover etc) yeasterday I asked him to maybe just go yo office for a few hours then to come home snd help with dd and he said he couldn't as had to earn money! Their was two of his employees in office all day!

After work he went to pub and came back at 9pm gave dd her bottle before bed at 10pm then crashed out! I was up all night sweating and dd woke at 6am this morning so I fed her and settled her back down till 8am as usual!

All day today he has just missed about himself feeling ill hoe he has the flu coming on BUT has still managed to sink a whole bottle of wine tonight Hmm I'm on juice!!!

Think that is really pudding me off is he even admits I never make a fuss when I'll and he has never seen me this poorly yet still is not bringing very supportive yet I have lost count the number of times he has gone and picked up his son from school, done the morning school run, or looked after him for a few hours because his ex wife is sick! He has even before done the days school run for her because her younger dd is poorly (she is re married and the ill child is not his)

If he decides to lay in bed hanging tomorrow hanging claiming man flu WIBU to kick his lazy drunk arse out???

OP posts:
Original poster
Homepride1 · 15/11/2014 22:34

Can't easily take time off

OP posts:
TheLittleOneSaidRollOver · 15/11/2014 22:36

YWNBU to kick his lazy drunk arse out.

Sparkletastic · 15/11/2014 22:36

YANBU he doesn't sound sufficiently committed to his new family

Original poster
Homepride1 · 15/11/2014 22:57

Ooh forgot to mention the reason he says he didn't get home until 9pm was because he left work at 3.30pm to go visit his son (not his contact day/weekend, has EOW and every wends) then wasn't going to sit in Friday night traffic so went to meet mates in pub until traffic died down!

Thing is he left his phone on side open with a text to his mate at 3.30pm saying meet you in anchor in 15 mins! So in fact he choose drinking over me and his dd and used his son as a cover up!

OP posts:
handcream · 15/11/2014 23:10

Why did you have a baby with him?

SassySugarCane · 15/11/2014 23:12

handcream how is that helpful to OP now?

fairylightsintheloft · 15/11/2014 23:12

Sounds like a twunt. You need to have a frank talk about how you see things progressing.. or not!

Rosecottage888 · 15/11/2014 23:13

Your last post is a no-brainer I'm afraid, poor you.

At the very least pull him up on his shitty inconsiderate behaviour.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/11/2014 23:15

Seriously - how much clearer does he have to make it that he has no respect for you AT ALL and that your only purpose in life is to be his domestic appliance?

I'm sorry if that felt like being kicked when you are down, but FFS Homepride1 - in what way could it ever be reasonable to put up with this utter prick?

iggymama · 16/11/2014 00:16

Did he drive home after the pub?

Custardo · 16/11/2014 00:20

What a prick. In your situation if u had the money I would check myself into a travel dodgy for a night and leave him with baby

ChasedByBees · 16/11/2014 07:14

Thing is he left his phone on side open with a text to his mate at 3.30pm saying meet you in anchor in 15 mins! So in fact he choose drinking over me and his dd and used his son as a cover up!

He did this when he knew you were ill and needed support. Get rid.

moraf2 · 16/11/2014 07:20

This sounds like a relationship that is already dead Ffs get out before you get hurt even more

angelohsodelight · 16/11/2014 08:00

It's not a relationship ...... Get out of it now. Don't stand for his lies. It will only get worse.

KnackeredMuchly · 16/11/2014 09:04

Leave the bastard. Truly.

Original poster
Homepride1 · 16/11/2014 16:27

custardo I wish I could it sadly I just don't trust him alone with the baby, not because he is nasty because he isn't he honestly just has no fucking clue! Doesn't put brake on buggy so it rolls off, picks up car seat without strapping her in, left car seat balanced on wall outside, balances her on kitchen side when cooking, leaves her on sofa with pillow on her propping up bottle when he goes to take dump or watches tv, thinks nothing of drinking a lot etc etc! I have to supervise him constantly!

This is also one of the reason I'm finding it hard to break away from relationship because I just couldn't trust him to have dd alone, I would worry myself sick and truly wouldnt trust that he wouldn't drive her around whilst over the limit! And when she is older he just wouldn't use his brain when it came to things like road/water safety..... Despite being with me for 3 years I still have to tell him constantly having pan handles sticking out when cooking and leaving the rings on, leaving things on job unattended etc

The only thing I have in my favor is the fact he is actually not on the birth certificate as once again at the last moment after booking the appointment to suit him he decided to give in to his ex wife's/sons demands and go look after his son instead! But still if he wanted to um sure he could get the courts to over rule this Sad

OP posts:
Backinthering · 16/11/2014 16:30

He sounds like a total cunt. I have no tolerance for drunk drivers, all would-be murderers in my opinion. The rest is pretty vile as well.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/11/2014 16:37

Does he have his son without supervision and how is he with him?

How he is with his ex and contact could be a good indication as to how willing to push things he will be with you.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/11/2014 16:47

I woukd chuck him out. He sounds like a total waste of space.

Itsfab · 16/11/2014 16:53

You can not seriously consider staying with him because you don't trust him to have sole access at times! Any how, I wouldn't worry as there is no way he will want to look after his own child alone. He will threaten all sorts, there is a script for this too, but he won't do anything. Even if he does want her you can not live your life like this. You are just someone to wash his clothes, cook his food and allow him to shag.

Value yourself. You want more for your daughter I am sure, so you should want more for yourself.

Bulbasaur · 16/11/2014 17:03

Even if he doesn't have the flu, you'd be quite reasonable to give him the boot.

Original poster
Homepride1 · 16/11/2014 17:20

needsasock his son is 11 so doesn't require the same level of care! Him and ex spilt when his son was 8 months old and he used to just go to her house for access, he wasn't allowed his son with girlfriends or over night until he was about 6 years old! And his son refused to go with him when he was 3/4 for nearly two years!

He does see his son regularly now but a lot of that is more because of me and the fact he can bring him to my house! But in the past would easily cancel his weekend if he was hanging etc! The one thing he has always done is pay for his son! Yet the same doesn't really seem to be happening here, he has brought the odd bit of milk, napped and few new vest (total of about £70) since she was born but that's it I cover all food, elec, gas, water etc every weekend he is here and his son!

Should state we don't live together, he lives/works a hour away and is only here weekends!

I'm just kicking myself, pregnancy wasn't planned and he didn't want and was bloody nasty but I gave in and gave him a chance and he does love dd but he is just fucking useless and not what I want to bring her up around

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 16/11/2014 17:26

This man is not your partner in any meaningful sense of the word. And you are not his, bar being a convenient domestic appliance. Get rid and do it now.

I'll bet you fiver that he won't want sole charge of a tiny baby any time soon. Even if he does, make him fight for visitation. I'll bet you another fiver that he won't do that either, even if his name was on the birth cert, which it isn't. For a very good reason. So he can't be compelled to provide any child support.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/11/2014 17:27

He doesent sound like he loves you much or respects you. If he cannot be trusted. I think courts could grant supervised access if evidence çoukd be provided that he would put your child in danger.

cees · 16/11/2014 17:54

In the nicest possible way, your a mug and he is taking the mick because you let him, wake up before your daughter sees his behaviour as normal and lands herself in a similar situation when she is older.