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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say we're having a completely veggie Christmas meal this year?

209 replies

WhizzpopWhizzBang · 08/11/2014 22:09

DH is vegetarian, me and two kids aren't but enjoy veggie alternatives too.
Every year, DH cooks the entire Christmas dinner (three courses) and does a vegetarian menu.
Something like
starter - soup
main course - Quorn or nut roast and all the Christmas trimmings (including vegetarian pigs in blankets)
dessert - if we can fit in is mince pies or Christmas pudding.

MIL comes for Christmas dinner. She likes her turkey so brings that. Absolutely fine with that, as we like to eat it too.
Only thing is that she brings over it and starts sticking the turkey in the oven to warm up, which obviously gets in the way of DH cooking and messes up times and stuff.
Are we being unreasonable if we say this year "we're only cooking vegetarian stuff in the kitchen this Christmas, if you want turkey do it at your house and bring it over but it's not getting cooked again when you get here?"
As I know she'll think we are Smile

OP posts:
lomega · 08/11/2014 22:11

Your house, your rules! I'm a veggie too and it would annoy me someone sticking a bloody great turkey in my oven mucking up my other stuff. yanbu. if she wants meat ask her to cook the thing herself or bring something to cook/nibble on later in the evening like sausages or something?

Andrewofgg · 08/11/2014 22:13

Obviously YANBU. Enjoy your dinner. With a bit of luck she'll get the hump and stay away . . . I could never find a way to keep my MIL away!

WorraLiberty · 08/11/2014 22:14

YANBU

Tell her to time it so it's warm when she brings it over

It doesn't need re-heating, especially if she happens to like gravy on it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/11/2014 22:14

Yanbu.

You can't be doing with people obstructing your cooking. It messes up the timings.

She could reheat it on the hob or microwave if it was already cooked.

amy83firsttimer · 08/11/2014 22:16

We've had similar issues past years and the best solution seems to be for someone to cook and carve a turkey crown at their own house, cover in gravy and place in a tupperware so it can be quickly nuked before serving.

amy83firsttimer · 08/11/2014 22:16

We've had similar issues past years and the best solution seems to be for someone to cook and carve a turkey crown at their own house, cover in gravy and place in a tupperware so it can be quickly nuked before serving.

amy83firsttimer · 08/11/2014 22:16

We've had similar issues past years and the best solution seems to be for someone to cook and carve a turkey crown at their own house, cover in gravy and place in a tupperware so it can be quickly nuked before serving.

Hissy · 08/11/2014 22:16

who the hell invites them selves to lunch and brings their own food (allergies aside) that is plain RUDE!

YANBU, veggie it is, if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come.

amy83firsttimer · 08/11/2014 22:17

So good my phone sent it thrice!

Mehitabel6 · 08/11/2014 22:17

Just tell her that there won't be room in the oven and to think of a different way of doing it.

Mehitabel6 · 08/11/2014 22:20

Rather a strange response, Hissy, in that vegetarians would bring their own if they needed to! Christmas = peace and love! You can work around it. Having your mother for Christmas is more important- just find a compromise that leaves out the oven.

Shakirasma · 08/11/2014 22:27

I'm assuming mil is invited and is not imposing herself? If I was invited to a veggie Xmas meal then I'm sorry, I would decline if I was told I couldn't bring my own turkey.

Christmas is the one time of year I refuse to deprive myself of any food I like to indulge in.

Original poster
WhizzpopWhizzBang · 08/11/2014 22:37

I'm assuming mil is invited and is not imposing herself?

Definitely not imposing, she comes every year as she's by herself and we like having her for Christmas lunch.
We're not saying she can't bring turkey - she can (I'm a bit of turkey traditionalist myself and love it at Christmas!) - we'd just be saying "no, you can't go sticking it in the oven to warm up, stay out of the kitchen and put your feet up as you're getting in the way" or words to that effect Grin
She can bring turkey. Just not go opening ovens and putting turkeys and whatnot in to warm up. We're cooking veggie food.

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 08/11/2014 22:39

Why a whole turkey? Confused. The best bits of xmas dinner are the non meat bits anyway. Could she just do a turkey breast or leg - that would take up barely any room. Or stick it in a slow cooker overnight if you have one?

Carrierpenguin · 08/11/2014 22:41

Yanbu. Can't she have the food your dh is cooking for one day per year? It sounds delicious!

Janethegirl · 08/11/2014 22:41

Cold turkey is nasty (actually turkey is nasty although dd disagrees) but I would not go to a vege Xmas dinner no matter who was doing it. This includes both my dcs ( note dd only wants turkey!)

puntasticusername · 08/11/2014 22:42

The veggie thing isn't really the thing - as you say, it's the wandering into your kitchen and throwing a turkey grenade into your lunch plans, that's what's the thing.

YANBU - as others say, the best option to offer her is to bring her turkey in some form that can be quickly microwaved just before serving. Otherwise, as a guest in your home who has been forewarned of your planned menu, she should probably graciously and gratefully eat what you offer her.

Trickydecision · 08/11/2014 22:43

Surely she doesn't bring a whole turkey just for herself? That is crazy. If it is just a leg or a chunk of breast, the microwave is her friend and she can stay away from your oven.

Original poster
WhizzpopWhizzBang · 08/11/2014 22:44

Why a whole turkey?

It's not a whole turkey to be fair. It's one of those sliced ones in a foil tray - the ones that you can get from Iceland and Marks and Spencer.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/11/2014 22:45

I think if you like eating her turkey, you need to phrase it as 'would it be ok if you cooked it at home and brought it in foil, MIL?' Rather than 'we are having a veggie Christmas'. All this 'your house your rules' business from some posters is a bit inhospitable for Christmas, to my mind!

My brother's vegetarian needs always mean cocking up the timings and moving stuff round in the oven, but I'd never say 'we are doing a meat Christmas, bring your stuff in foil if you must but you're not heating it up here'. Especially if I was planning to eat some of it!

Original poster
WhizzpopWhizzBang · 08/11/2014 22:47

you need to phrase it as 'would it be ok if you cooked it at home and brought it in foil, MIL?

She brought it in a foil tray last year all covered up. Still wanted to be heating it up though. Confused

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/11/2014 22:50

Is it really so difficult to heat up a foil tray? It's not a big raw turkey taking up all your space.

I for one would not much care for a quorny Christmas lunch with a bit of tepid turkey added to the mix! Heat up the poor woman's foil tray for her! Smile

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/11/2014 22:50

YANBU. amy83 has the perfect solution. Smile

chocomochi · 08/11/2014 22:50

To be honest, you wouldn't say to a vegetarian that they should cook and bring their own Christmas meal. Maybe she could come earlier to cook it/help out? You say you and your DCs don't actually mind turkey?

puntasticusername · 08/11/2014 22:52

I think this is not remotely about the turkey. It's a cookery-control thing. Is she perhaps feeling regretful that it's no longer her in the kitchen cooking Christmas lunch for everybody?

If so, it may be a bit hard to come up with a "job" that will make her happy, but could you try - any scope to ask her to do her famous table arrangements that everyone LOVES (thus keeping her well out of the kitchen) or similar...?