Not wanting to buy ds (13) replacement clothes he lost?

[Darkandstormynight]

A few weeks ago ds lost school shoes we even retraced his steps - no shoes. He was baffled and reasonably upset. Next day I bought him a new pair, these things happen. Old shoes wound up in lost and found, new ones already worn so couldn't be returned. Was miffed but figured whatever.

Week after that he lost his school jumper. No one is taking it. He's leaving things Somewhere with the clothes changes. Went to lost and found, no jumper. Again, I was miffed but as he had another I figured he'd make do until the end of the year.

This week - lost 2nd jumper!! I told him (again) to look in lost and found. And if it was still missing he could replace it (they are expensive). Was this U? He is usually very responsible and a good student and kid.

For X-mas I was going to get him another (larger) jumper and he mentioned he wanted a school jacket. Would it BU to then buy him these items? He is hard to buy for, says he doesn't need anything! So these presents would help me out buying for him! Would this be mixed message?

Are you quite sure he isn't being bullied and having things taken from him, but is too afraid to say so? It seems a lot of items suddenly in a short period....

No, I don't think that is what has happened. The shoes were found, so whoever found them put them in lost and found.

All the jumpers are the same, so if he takes it off, or it falls out of his bag, it is very possible if some kid sees it lying on the ground they will think "That's my jumper I lost last week!" it as theirs. It is fairly common to come home with a jumper that might not be the one you started off with.

Ds is pretty vocal and when it comes to money, if someone was taking these things he'd tell us about it. He had a few issues with a student last year (not outright bullying) and he told us about it and even went to a teacher about it.

IMO it's more about being a careless 13 year old!

Let him freeze! (Sorry possibly not a realistic option, but maybe for a few days........)

Is that all he's getting for Xmas? School clothes?

I would ask him to pay for the lost items using savings, pocket money etc, but I wouldn't give school clothes as a Christmas present. It will ruin all of your days!

No way it's acceptable to give the poor child school clothes for Xmas. Totally nasty IMO

My DD loses something nearly weekly it is deeply frustrating and my wallet is not happy. However cross i may be I would not get her school stuff for christmas thats a tad harsh. I make DD do chores for making me pay for lost things or occasionally miss out on an activity she'd planned but still feel a bit mean let alone no presents I doubt she'd ever forgive me and i'm sure your DS would bring it up for ever more.

Is it possible to replace lost items with something very cheap and basic, like from Primark?

I used to get school stuff for Christmas, not clothes that I can recall but stationery, lunchboxes etc. My advice would be to make him pay for a new jumper and if he doesn't have the money, make him to extra chores for pay.

Nasty to get essentials for christmas?

How things have changed!

How is it nasty? DD plays a lot of sport for school and town teams. She often gets kit as part of her Christmas presents. I'm not made of money!

When my DSs were at secondary school they got a reasonable allowance. If they lost stuff they replaced it out of their money. I think there needs to be a consequence but giving them school uniform to unwrap on Xmas day would be way ott!

Yet another reason school uniform should be banned.

What a waste of money.

Op I used to tell my kids to go to lost property and get another one as long as there wasn't a name on it.

Giving school uniform for Christmas? That's fairly crap.

School uniform as a Christmas present is awful, yes it's a pain when they lose things but I've lost the odd item as an adult and don't expect to be punished for it. Children need new clothes frequently, it's part of having a child.

Are the things labelled?

How do you manage to lose shoes? What did he wear on his feet to get home?

I can't get my head around this constant losing things at school, I managed to get through school without ever losing anything and ds hasn't lost anything. I don't understand it.

I wouldn't give him clothes for Christmas but would buy very cheap replacements from Primark, and label everything.

I wouldn't buy school clothes for Christmas presents, but I would be making him do chores for money to replace the clothes he lost and make sure they are named. Not sure how a 13 yr old could lose shoes. Are you sure someone isn't hiding them as a prank?

it is perfectly acceptable to buy useful items for Christmas. It is not actually child abuse if there are no presents at all if money does not allow.

no wonder we see loads of 'I don't have enough for food/electric because Christmas is coming', if this is the attitude.

back on topic - check for bullying etc, but if not then no replacement until he learns to be less careless. And no valuable items either!

Well yes agree special but the op doesn't say they are stony broke but more punishing his carelessness.