So lighthearted thread...
Man on train. Picks up his phone.
conversation goes like this....
No, I told you I won't be back all night....
Why, you know why....
Iv got two shows to do tonight....
To set scene.
His wearing standard clothes
Jeans, Jumper, kangol hat, beard, and has plastic bags with him.
My first thought was he was a stripper! 
But he really doesn't look like one :)