Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To wonder if I baby my DC>

20 replies

MammaTJ · 06/11/2014 20:50

DD is just 9, that is a 9 year old year 5. I do not let her walk home alone, have only just started letting her go to homework club. I have had to ring and make sure they keep DD there until the end, as she was leaving early when bullied!!

DS is 54 weeks younger, therefore two weeks behind! He is tough as old boots though and not bothered by anything I do, his sister does or other wise! He is kept on an even firmer lock than DD. What to you let your year 3, 8 year olds do?

OP posts:

smellyfishead · 06/11/2014 20:53

tbh its down to the child, not the age. I allow my 8 year old to do as I let my 10 yr old do, in most ways my 8yr old is far more responsible/mature/sensible than my 10 yr old- both boys btw.

Purpleroxy · 06/11/2014 20:53

You don't baby them, you made informed choices about their boundaries - stick to it.

When dd was 5, someone accused me of babying her when I wouldn't allow a sleepover. Stuff them!

Original poster

MammaTJ · 07/11/2014 04:54

That should have read 'DS is 54 weeks younger, therefore 2 YEARS behind'

OP posts:

MexicanSpringtime · 07/11/2014 05:03

Well, OP, I am of another generation and believe in a lot more freedom, but then I don't know where you live, I mean, how dangerous it is, or what your children are like. I only had the one child and she was born cautious, so I was able to allow her more freedom because she has always taken great care of her personal safety.

Just make sure that you give them freedom in doses they can cope with as they grow older, because you don't want them to go straight from a very sheltered life into dealing with all the things that adolescents have to deal with, without any halfway posts.

treaclesoda · 07/11/2014 05:52

I allow my 8 year old to walk home from school but only along with an older friend who lives right next to us. I wouldn't want her doing it alone.

loudarts · 07/11/2014 06:08

My dd asked when she would be allowed to walk to and from school by herself, at the moment she is in year 3. We agreed that she would be allowed when she started year 6 and not before.

foreverton · 07/11/2014 06:13

I've been accused of "mollycoddling" my 11 yr old ds.
He's now in year 7 but I only started letting him walk home from school in year 6, after Xmas, he has AS.

Now he gets 2 buses to secondary school and 2 buses home, is thriving with the responsibility and freedom and now I'm getting " are you sure ds is capable?" You can't win!

Ultimately, you know your dc better than anyone, trust your own judgment, what works for one family may not work for another:)

my2centsis · 07/11/2014 06:24

YABU for saying he is '54 weeks younger'. I mean really? Why not say a year younger

YANBU for the rest of your OP

wheresthelight · 07/11/2014 07:23

as someone else says it very much depends on the maturity of the child.

my dsc's mum babies them a lot. my dss is now 11 at in year 7 but his mum won't allow him out the house without her. he is incredibly sensible and much more mature than a lot of kids his age. when he is with us he is allowed a lot more freedom. he has taken himself off to the park since he was 9 and supervised his sister who is 2 years younger. (the park was only on the opposite side of the road to us) he also walks the dog when he is with us. his mum went allow him to walk home from school or to the juniors less than 1/4 of a mile away yo meet her there when she picks dsd up however he is allowed to when dp or I collect.

it is her choice and whilst she tries to kick off about the freedom they are granted here we leave it up to her when they are with her.

what o am trying to say is people will always have different opinions but you have to make the best decision for your kids

vdbfamily · 07/11/2014 07:39

For a 'generic' rule,I am led by school who insist kids are met by a responsible adult until they are KS2. When my youngest got to KS2 she was allowed to walk/scoot/cycle to school with her brother and sister who were in year 4 and 6 (she was year 3) Now older sister has started secondary school and the other 2 cycle together. We see them across the main road outside our house and they then have less than a 10 minute walk to get there with 2 small sideroads into small cul-de-sacs. It does depend on the child and how sensible they are but often they will only develop that sense if they are given a bit of responsibility.

skylark2 · 07/11/2014 07:53

My younger one always got to do things without an adult before my older one did, but that's because he had an older sibling there.

I think it very much depends where you live. My kids weren't allowed to walk home from school at that age, but it was two miles and involved crossing a busy dual carriageway (no crossing or lights). If I'd lived two hundred yards away on quiet pavemented roads, they would have been.

I do think "only just" allowing a nine year old to go to an after school club is a bit hysterical and rather mean. My kids could go to any after school club they wanted to which was offered to their agegroup. Your kids will be massively missing out if they can't do anything after school ever.

Where was your DD going when she left early? At nine I think you should be expecting her to take responsibility for staying where she's supposed to be and asking an adult to phone you if she feels she can't.

I agree with the person who said that kids can't develop responsibility if they are never given any.

Original poster

MammaTJ · 07/11/2014 08:37

YABU for saying he is '54 weeks younger'. I mean really? Why not say a year younger it's just an efficient way of explaining. It is not a year, they are two school years apart.

Where was you DD going when she left early?

Good question! She was upset, allowed to leave early and wandered around for a while, then was found and taken in to the after school club I used to pay for her to go to and that DS was at. This is where she is meant to meet her Dad, but later than the time she got there.

OP posts:

atticusclaw · 07/11/2014 08:47

Mine are the same age as yours and in the same year groups. (year 5 and year 3) but DS2 is one of the youngest in the year and is over two years younger than DS1.

I have just this school year started to give them a bit more freedom. They now get the school bus home. I can trust them to sit nicely and wait if for any reason I wasn't at the bus stop to pick them up (although I feel more anxious about that now its dark). I will leave them in the car if I nip into the little tesco express for 10 minutes and I will wait outside the tesco express with DS2 whilst letting DS1 pop in for a pint of milk and some bread.

I still wouldn't be happy about them walking about or using public transport on their own. They would have to be with an adult.

They've both been to after school clubs since they were 4 but they're all on site and they can't escape without an adult picking them up.

Around the home I'm more relaxed. They're both trusted with using the scouting log splitter to split wood and will use the toaster and microwave to fix stuff for themselves. They are both cooking basic meals such as risotto and using knives (under supervision) to chop vegetables etc.

hippo123 · 07/11/2014 08:49

I hate posts like this as surely what people allow there children to do depends mainly upon the child and the area you live. I allow my year 3 child to walk home from school and play outside. he also rides his bike down a bike path for a few miles by himself and goes to the local shop.However if the school was a 20 minute walk with dangerous roads I wouldn't let him. nor would I let him play outside of we lived on a busy main road. generally though I use my common sense and I'm also guided by my child, if he feels he's capable of something he normally is.

Mrsjayy · 07/11/2014 08:56

What you or dont allow your children to do is your business really I think you know your children's limits and sticking to them giving freedom and independence is a gradual thing really, you will find some of their friends are allowed to do x y while others are doing z , as long as you are not stifling them then its fine,

Mrsjayy · 07/11/2014 09:00

When dd1 was 8 she was allowed to the park corner shop and round to her friends to play dd2 was a wanderer and got distracted she was allowed nowhere on her own at 8 except walking tovschool but it was 5cdoors down . You have to use common sense,

rumbleinthrjungle · 07/11/2014 09:33

It depends so much on the individual child too - you may have an incredibly responsible five year old you'd trust further than your go-for-it-and-think-later ten year old, or an older child you know is more emotionally vulnerable than a younger sibling. The only people who really know what each child is ready for is the parents.

Original poster

MammaTJ · 07/11/2014 19:04

I am led by school who insist kids are met by a responsible adult

They only have me and DP, no responsible adults available!

Pass by the thread then Hippo, no rule that says you have to comment on every thread!

OP posts:

canyou · 07/11/2014 22:58

Op if it makes you feel better I am sat up waiting on DSS 17
yro to come home, his DMum insisits that he be home by 8.30 I told him while with me he could stay out playing pool with the lads, am sick in case anything hapens, last week was the first time in his life he stayed out at a friends house .
Do what you and your DC comfortable with but allow them to gsim social awarness and skills
being a Mum is hard

Original poster

MammaTJ · 08/11/2014 09:56

The trouble with DD is that she thinks everyone is her friend. One terrifying example is the man who lives down the road from us. He stroked my then 10 year old god daughters leg on the bus(police involvement, her word against his,I totally believe her). I told my DD to keep away from him. She said 'But he's our friend, we see him every day'. I explained that seeing him every day did not make him our friend, but she still doesn't really understand. I told her he did a bad thing to my god daughter, but she still doesn't get it.

She is begging me for more independence, but she scares me because she is so trusting.

Some of you may remember her thread, under my name about her karate. She loves it and is very good, but that also gives her a false confidence. She believes she could fight and beat anyone, in spite of her being bullied and not fighting back at school.

I have a much older DD and I was quite happy for her to make her own way home when she hit year 5. It really does depend very much on the child.

OP posts:

Flip