To make my dis a birthday cake?

[marymouse]

Sorry it's a mil one...

Last year for ds1's birthday, my mil had a tea party at her house for him (it's her birthday the day before) just a small party tea but she asked if she could make him the cake too and I said yes. (First year I'd not made one)

For dd's birthday, she brought her a shop bought cake over with her presents saying she hadn't had time to make one.
I had spent all weekend making dd a frozen cake (mil knew I was making a frozen cake) so mil's cake wasn't eaten and was thrown away.

Next week is ds1's birthday and we're making a lego cake together, we've been collecting a mini figure a week for the candles and he's very excited about it.
Mil is coming the day before his birthday with his presents and I have a feeling she'll bring a cake with her.

I wanted to tell her not to bother as we were making one but Dh thinks I'm being petty and unreasonable. Am I?
I just don't want her baking a cake all weekend when I'm making one anyway.

Disclaimer- my cakes look crappy and are rough around the edges but I love the ritual of making them and the kids are always delighted with my efforts.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your kids, your choice to make their cakes.

but equally, more cake is always a good thing in this house :D

Can you just take the cake, say 'thanks, you shouldn't have - I have already made one' and then put it in the cupboard then give it back to her saying 'we won't eat this now, why don't you take it home and have it there?' ?

There's no point hurting her feelings.

Just serve both. What difference will that make to you? It's just a cake! The more the merrier.

Could you tell her how excited your ds is about making his cake with you and how you love your family tradition of making cakes together...
And then get a bit puzzled when she says it's her tradition to give them a cake - just saying that you thought that was a one off thing as the tea party was at her house. And that you thought it was strange that she'd brought a cake for dd when she knew you were making one.

Actually, as I'm typing this, the more I think that I don't think it is rude to tell her - albeit nicely - or maybe to remind her that you're baking ds's cake this year and that it would be a shame to see her waste her time making one and then see it go to waste like dd's did.

If she wants to do something, could you direct her to do something different that would be eaten - albeit less meaningful? So say for example that it would be great if she could make some cup cakes or a brownie traybake or some biscuits or cookies etc... Then she gets to do some baking and think she has helped but you have ensured that there aren't two birthday cakes, and hopefully discourage her from trying to muscle in on your thing?

Just say that you're baking a cake as well, and ask if she's fine with making a cake knowing it won't be the only one. If she is, well, just serve both. More cake = better.

Why would it go to waste if you served both?

The leftover cake send it your neighbours or post some to me

My MIL has a compulsion to be the cake provider. I don't mind. Some years we have two cakes, eg if there is a schoolfriends party at weekend and also a family tea on midweek actual birthday.
Just accept the cake and eat it when you like. Or make a trifle. Or whatever really.