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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I should lie?

25 replies

imyourhuckleberry · 23/09/2014 17:11

I have a 14 week old baby and I am so tired of being asked if he sleeps through or if he is in a routine, I think I will just start lying and saying yes to avoid the pity faces and 'oh all of mine slept through at two weeks' type comments. No one looks after him other than me and DH nor is likely to in the future so I won't get found out.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 23/09/2014 17:13

No, you are not BU.

When my grandmother asked me if I was still breastfeeding my two-year-old DS I just said no, even though I continued to do so for another six months.

It was very liberating

NeedaDiscoNap · 23/09/2014 17:14

I think most of the people who say their babies are sleeping through are fibbers!

My DD is almost 17 weeks and people constantly ask if she's sleeping through. I just smile and say 'no, but I'm sure she will when she's ready.' If they go on and on, I generally say something like 'all babies are different!' in a crazy sing song voice. I have been more rude on a couple of occasions!

I hate this type of competitive parenting. Rise above it - your child, your way. Ignore the nosey people!

LadyLuck10 · 23/09/2014 17:16

Don't let anyone make you feel like you should lie. Just tell them the truth, you shouldn't care about anyone else's opinion.

firsttimekat · 23/09/2014 17:17

Do it if it makes you feel better.

I found people had different definitions of sleeping through, and when I realised it made me feel loads better about how much sleep my 12 week old was getting.

Their definition was waking once or twice for a feed and then settling again. Now to me that isn't sleeping through so I'd always said no he wasn't sleeping through. Now I just fudge an answer as I realise we aren't talking about the same thing anyway!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 23/09/2014 17:17

Why though... If he wakes frequently you're tireder than if HW slept a long stretch - if you say he's sleeping through people will expect more of you than you might be up to (thinking domestically and socially, assuming you aren't at work yet, who h might be different). Also people like me whose babies didn't sleep through until they were 8 months ("best" sleeper, and as he was end I still think 8 months is perfectly acceptable) or nearly 3 years (worst) will secretly hate you a tiny bit, and you won't even deserve it :o

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 23/09/2014 17:17

Ebf not end... Autocorrect

flamingtoaster · 23/09/2014 17:18

You could always say "No he doesn't and to be honest I will be so sad when he does because I love those quiet middle of the night feeds."

Itsjustmeagain · 23/09/2014 17:18

YANBU I lie all the time about this sort of thing. "Yes of course my two year old sleeps all night in her room" "no I would never feed my toddler junk" etc etc

I would lie chances are everyone you talk to is also lying!

CultureSucksDownWords · 23/09/2014 17:19

The sleeping through thing is bloody annoying. I used to just say something non committal like "we're getting there" and then change the topic. As for routines, if anyone asked me about that I just replied "no, routines are not for me!" And then changed the subject again.

I usually found that people who ask this sort of thing usually want to talk about their own problems. If you ask them the same questions back it is usually welcomed.

Charitybelle · 23/09/2014 17:21

Yeah, just lie. I had the opposite problem. My dd was such a good sleeper that I had to lie and say she wasn't so that I wasn't hated by all my friends whose kids didn't sleep through for months/years. I started off telling the truth, but once I started to catch the 'look' off people I quickly changed my tune and faked a sad face.
Life with a young baby is hard anyway without all the competitive/judgey nonsense.

sleepingdragon · 23/09/2014 17:25

I have a 12 week old and when asked, or asked how many times he wakes, I say 'I don't know'- its not even a lie really, I don't count how many times he wakes, don't look at the clock, and can't recall the definition of sleeping through. Some people have assumed that I am too sleep deprived to remember, or that I am trying to pretend he doesn't wake regularly, but people can think what they like!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/09/2014 17:38

Unless it's NCT "friends" on a competitive streak, it's just people making polite conversation, the way that they ask a child "how was school today?"

But yes, feel free to make it up. When does he start Kumon Maths?

crazykat · 23/09/2014 17:45

I had this from a friend whose dd 'slept through' from 4 weeks old. What she didn't say was her dd went to bed with her at midnight and slept till 6am. To me that's sleeping 6 hours between feeds not sleeping through.

IMO sleeping through is going to bed at 7/8pm and sleeping till 6/7am. Something my almost 2yo ds2 is still to master.

Original poster

imyourhuckleberry · 23/09/2014 20:16

Thank you for your comments. I would define sleeping through the same as you crazykat. Unfortunately TreadySoftly, it is family who are asking me these thing, and its definitely a judgypants comment rather than polite conversation. I think the solution for me is a mixture of the odd 'fib' and a breezy 'we're getting there' (thanks culture for that one!).

Funny how sleep deprivation and stress doesn't seem to get you much sympathy from your loved ones, but stranges on a forum understand and empathise with ease! Good to know I am not alone

OP posts:

PterodactylTeaParty · 23/09/2014 20:23

Try "Oh, DC sleeps like a baby," bright smile and change subject. I get a lot of mileage out of that one.

Moominmarvellous · 23/09/2014 20:47

Oh god I hate all that! My DD didn't sleep properly through all night until she was 4 and I wonder if anyone's baby really can with the various stages.

They're born and need night feeds for for 6 months or so, so they dont really 'sleep through' then.

Then its teething which interrupts sleep.

They suffer the odd cold here and there so coughs, blocked nose etc affect routines I'd imagine (they did mine)

Next thing we're potty training/going into the big bed - possibly new babies arriving - again, disruption.

I just can't see how any child isn't affected by at least one or all of those things in babyhood which naturally affect sleep.......Oh except my niece who slept through from day one and never cried

I'm not saying that NO babies sleep through consistently from an early age but I do think that they are in the minority.

lbsjob87 · 23/09/2014 21:35

My 5 year old slept through from six weeks old, and although I never bragged about it, if people asked I told them the truth.

Now I have a 12-week-old who doesn't sleep through yet, the same people ask. If I say "no, not yet", I get "Haha, that's your punishment for having a good one last time." Which is utter bollocks and sums up half my relatives.

So now I don't just lie, I tell them utter rubbish. Someone asked me the other day, I said "Yes, he sleeps all night, although he occasionally wakes up early and just reads quietly to himself."

littlesupersparks · 23/09/2014 21:37

My favourite

'How does he sleep?' 'Like a baby!'

'Is he good?' 'Perfect!'

Strange things these people ask of new babies xx

BiscuitMillionaire · 23/09/2014 21:40

According to some book or other (maybe it was the No-Cry Sleep Solution), sleeping through is defined by researchers as sleeping from midnight to 5am!

Biffalobuff · 23/09/2014 21:57

God yes just lie.We didn't with our first and only realised after staying with friends that they had grossly overstated how well theirs slept.With number two we just said 'he's great' which was true,he was,he didn't sleep but he was still great!
People put way too much emphasis on the sleep thing,I still get cross when MIL compares our kids to DNs as it's always sleep related.It doesn't make them better children!!
Do not worry about this question and ignore anyone making you feel bad about it!

Momagain1 · 23/09/2014 22:26

No matter what you say, someone will roll their eyes, so it might not help. Saying something like, 'sleep is going well, we are happy' might confuse them.

'Sleeping through' really means, is the baby having one of his long sleeps at the time you want to sleep. My older children had a long sleep in the evening, when I was busy with dinner and such for their dad at first, and later dad and DD1 when dd2 was a baby. After sleeping all evening, of course they would want short sleeps interrupted by feeding and play when I wanted to be asleep! With my last, his dad wanted to play with him in the evening (unlike older kids dad). So he was played with after evening feed, bathed, napped in dad's arms, more playtime, and after his late feed, we all went to bed. We had no particular plan or goal to create the schedule, just a dad who missed him all day. It worked a hell of a lot better!

minkah · 23/09/2014 22:30

Babies sleeping through and being in a routine.... Just the kind of dull questions that it doesn't matter what you answer, to them.

Really. Just please yourself. The only question you need right now is "how can I help" or "more cake, love?'

Just nod and smile and say "I've always liked cake", no matter what they ask.

That'll learn em.

kelper · 23/09/2014 22:36

DS never slept properly Until about 6 months ago (he's nearly 7)
I have a v smug friend who has had the perfect pregnancy, and now the perfect baby. That hurts. Wish I'd thought of the Cake answer.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/09/2014 23:14

I got told by one woman that her baby slept through from 2 days old

Of course it did.......

PiperIsOrange · 23/09/2014 23:24

Ds is 8 and still don't sleep all night, DD was 7 weeks old and slept all night but I was tired because of Ds.

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