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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hand DS's homework in unfinished

25 replies

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 14:08

DS has just started yr2. He now has 2 pieces of homework a week plus spellings, and they are supposed to spend 15 minutes on each bit. No problem with that at all.

But DS is a terrible dreamer. He gets distracted so easily and it's takes him ages to finish anything. On Saturday we spent a whole hour on one bit, then did another hour on Sunday. This morning it still wasn't finished and he finally got his act together after breakfast and did it. I was determined that I would say 'No, time's up' and take it off him, but he was desperate not to hand it in unfinished. So basically he's spent absolutely ages on this and there will be no consequences iyswim.

WIBU to say, right, you have half an hour on Saturday and half an hour on Sunday to do this, and if it's not done, it's getting handed in unfinished? If there were actually some consequences to his faffing about he might start realising that he has to concentrate and focus and get on with it. It's such a waste of time, as well as it being hugely irritating to see him messing around. Also I have to 'helicopter parent' him to do anything otherwise he'd just sit there and moan about it for hours and hours, staring in to space and fiddling with the pencil.

Hope you have some advice!

OP posts:

TeenAndTween · 17/09/2014 14:13

Isn't the consequence that he spent his time on homework rather than fun stuff?

jopickles · 17/09/2014 14:15

I think the fact that he has to sit there and do it while not getting to play out watch tv etc is consequence enough and he will learn that he is missing out on doing fun stuff while he sits there. Maybe offer a reward for when he has finished or just simply do it in a few minute blocks so that he isn't expected to concentrate on anything for too long therefore losing his attention

Artandco · 17/09/2014 14:15

I would get him to go the homework the evening it's set. Then it's out the way before the weekend, and it becomes a habit which is easier when he starts getting homework every night

WipsGlitter · 17/09/2014 14:16

I would set a timer and say we're going to do this for 15 minutes then you can and do it that way.

DS would tend to procrastinate too so we do it in short chunks.

Can he actually do it ok, it's just the daydreaming?

redskybynight · 17/09/2014 14:17

In Y2, are there consequences even if it's not handed in (there weren't at our infants). TBH, unless it's something that particularly requires adult help, I would leave it for him to do himself. You don't get stressed about him not doing it and he wastes his own time if he messes about.

Bardette · 17/09/2014 14:18

I think that not finishing homework and then waiting for the consequences a few days later at school can be a bit far removed for younger children. It's too far in the future to be motivational.
Could you have a small incentive/reward for finishing homework. On a Saturday when he has all the time in the world he may find it difficult to see the need to work quickly. For my ds(7) saying, get this done then we'll pop to the playground/have a drink and a biscuit/play on the Wii works better than threats or sanctions.

Original poster

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 14:46

He can mostly do the stuff although he does like me to spell difficult words sometimes (I'm not sure if that's allowed but hey ho). He doesn't seem in the slightest bit bothered that he could be playing instead. I think he doesn't see that sitting at the table humming, playing with the rubber, staring into space, is a boring thing to do. Maybe if I left the room he'd be more bored and would get on with it.

I like the idea of the timer so I might try that. We sadly can't do the homework on the day it's set as we have another little boy here who doesn't leave until 6pm. We try and do it in the mornings at the weekend as he does seem to get on a bit better when he's not tired. I'll see how he gets on this week. We've said that it has to be done at the weekend this time round with no exceptions so fingers crossed.

OP posts:

DoJo · 17/09/2014 14:58

Is his day dreaming interfering with other plans? Or do you just not want him to spend his time sitting at the table fiddling around and humming to himself? Because I do feel some sympathy with your son in that I sometimes need the pressure of a looming deadline to really get anything done, so perhaps that's why he isn't motivated to get it over with, but if he could see how much of his time was being eaten up by procrastinating he might work out for himself that getting the work done is a better bet.

BlackeyedSusan · 17/09/2014 15:01

there is a high probability that ds will not do either piece of homework, or spellings this week. he has not been physically or emotionally capable. he is absolutely exhausted from sessions of intensive physio and has ASD exacerbating the change of routine.

Original poster

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 15:03

Well sometimes we have weekend type chores to do and occasionally we'll be going out somewhere to do something more exciting, but if that was the case we'd probably defer the homework to a more convenient time. I guess if we said, 'We're going to the park (or whatever) today so you've got half an hour to do your homework before we go' he might focus a bit more.

But then if he doesn't finish it, do I remind him to do more later? I just think that if he was given several opportunities to do the homework over the weekend and still didn't finish it, I could just say, 'right, it's being handed in unfinished' he might actually get the point.

OP posts:

HemlockStarglimmer · 17/09/2014 15:05

He sounds just like my daughter at that age. Drove me nuts that she'd rather gaze out of the window than just get on with it. I stuck with insisting that all homework was finished before anything else could happen. And yes, sometimes it took an hour!

She's ten now and pretty good at cracking on with homework as soon as she gets home from school. She still gets distracted somewhat but not nearly as badly.

starfishmummy · 17/09/2014 15:09

If they are supposed to take fifteen minutes per piece of homework then that's what he should take - maybe a little longer but not over an hour. If the problem is that he wont focus then maybe the consequences of handing in unfinished work will make him do so.

Original poster

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 15:17

Thanks starfish. That's exactly what I meant. I thought I'd give him half an hour for each bit (fifteen minutes did seem a bit tight). For instance he had to draw a plate of food, label each item of food, then write a sentence about what he'd chosen. Then he had to do it again for someone's else's food choice. I reckon half an hour would be fair for that. Then, if it's not done, it's not done.

Now I just have to stick to my own rule!

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Gubbins · 17/09/2014 15:23

The school my children go to are very strict on not taking more than 20minutes on homework an evening. They recognise that making them sit there until it's finished is going to make it a very negative experience. My elder daughter can race through her work but my younger sometimes struggles, so we have frequently handed it in unfinished. No ones ever had a problem with that and I assume it gives the teacher a useful indication of how much the child can manage within the time constraints.

I'd assume that your school is similar. They want 15 minutes of homework done; not that they want x task completed. Otherwise why would they bother mentioning a time limit.

Original poster

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 15:27

Ah, thanks Gubbins. I'll check with his teacher.

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Charingcrossbun · 17/09/2014 15:33

Am I right in thinking you sit with him for the whole time? Could it be that he just enjoys spending this time with you? I agree with other posters that setting goals and time limits would be helpful and ultimately leave the work undone with a note/word with the teacher if needs be.

CromerSutra · 17/09/2014 15:44

Yanbu. IMHO that is an excessive amount of homework for a year 2 child (which I teach) since I assume he is also reading to you regularly too. I would tell his teacher about the situation and see if s/he agrees but I certainly would.

Original poster

farewellfigure · 17/09/2014 16:24

Cromer they are supposed to read 3 times a week as well which is fine as he loves his reading (thank goodness... one less battle!).

Charing I do sit with him and I think you're right. That could be part of the problem. I think I'll get on with doing something else and let him get on with it and see if that helps.

OP posts:

MrsRuffdiamond · 17/09/2014 16:32

When all three of mine were that age I refused to buy into the homework stress. If they were struggling to complete a piece of work in a reasonable time, I would help them. All of them would have been very worried about handing work in uncompleted.

I think it's ridiculous that children are on the treadmill at such a young age in any case. I don't think it's at all conducive to successful learning, if a child of 6/7 feels pressured by work.

Charingcrossbun · 18/09/2014 18:44

I have to say I agree ruffdiamond, I've taught primary and you want pupils to do about of work at home so there is a link between home and school. You don't want hours to be spent on it or extra stress put on anyone. Out of everything the reading is most important and your not lucky he likes it - he likes it because you're clearly a great mum who reads with him and has taught him the joy of books!

MrsPiggie · 18/09/2014 18:51

Just being curious here more than anything, since my DS is in year 2 as well. What kind of homework is he getting apart from reading? My DS gets some spelling (10 words) and some maths (1/2 page of questions), it takes him about 5 minutes to do both. I don't think I could pin him down to do homework for more than 15 minutes, but now I'm wondering if maybe this level of light homework is not the standard for year 2?

Artandco · 18/09/2014 19:31

Mrs- my ds has only been at school for 2 weeks (he's 4) so may not be accurate. However we have been told it's 15mins reading/ writing every night, and 5 mins maths every night. So far that's what he has had.

Tonight it was learn vowels. a,e,I,o,u, and write them down 3 times. Read a school book with us (1/2 words of each page type). And 10 basic adding sums ie 1+3=

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 18/09/2014 19:32

Unless things have changed immensely a piece of homework is supposed to take X minutes. If it is taking longer, much longer it is high lighting a learning difficulty ( daydreaming) and if it is correctly completed more quickly it is too easy.

You do not extend the time until it is done otherwise the teacher has no idea regarding ability.

UniS · 18/09/2014 19:37

In year 2 DS was a homework dawdler. After a chat with his teacher I would mark in the margin where he was up to at 20 mins and at 30 he would stop. It would be handed in and of he had not completed the task he would have to complete it in a break time or golden time.
Loseing a few minutes of golden time once or twice focused his mind on completeing tasks at home. The handwriting was pretty awful but he did finish the work.

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/09/2014 19:42

Tell him before you start, then make him sit with homework for the specified time, then sign it with the time and say you supervised it. School will do the rest.
It's not a case of he didn't finish it, more he didn't start it. Very common, and he is quite young.

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