AIBU in thinking this is taking the piss?

[CallMeExhausted]

As I have mentioned before, DD is medically complex, so we have in home nursing one night a week so I can get a solid night's sleep.

2 weeks ago, so that she could attend a wedding, one of our nurses asked if she could move her night from Friday to Thursday. Because it was extenuating circumstances, I was happy to accommodate her, but the Friday is part of our family routine.

Fast forward to this Friday past... I got a call mid-afternoon from the agency she works for saying that the nurse said she was unwell and didn't want to pass it to DD (I appreciate that) but she could come the following day.

I am unsure how it is that someone can predict they will be 100% well to care for an immunocompromised child only 24 hours after they have to cancel a shift, so I said no thank you to the Saturday shift.

Sunday, the nurse texted me asking if I was angry about her being sick as I would not give the the hours back. DH and I, as this nurse has a bit of a history of doing the bare minimum, bit feel that the nurse was not actually sick, but trying to get herself a night off without losing any hours.

She logs on to her computer on our wifi as soon as she arrives, when I changed my wifi password, she was downstairs asking for the new one within 10 minutes of arriving - saying she didn't know how she would occupy her night if she couldn't watch netflix.

We are currently trying to find a replacement for her, but with this info, what do you think is more likely - that she was actually sick with an afternoon onset high speed cure illness that would have been gone within 24 hours, or that she was taking the piss with us and trying on changing our schedule to suit her.

So, what do you think?

It's difficult to say.

A migrane/blinding headache/childcare emergency that wouldn't go down well with the agency, those would be understandable.

Same with the wi-fi, I wouldn't actually have a problem with that, back in the day, the nurse would have just read a book or something.

If you are unhappy with the nurse, and in a position to hire someone else, I'd say you should do that.

Trying to catch her out won't really make any difference to anything, will it? And while she may or may not have been ill, her reasons for needing that night off may have been valid. Agencies can be a nightmare to work for.

What was the nurse sick with.

I doubt you can prove it 100%.

It doesn't really matter because you don't rate them. The trust between you is breaking down.

Concentrate on getting a replacement or does proving the nurse is not telling the truth mean you can get rid of them now and get a replacement straight away?

I was about to say the same thing about a migraine.... but the thing is they aren't contagious!

Is she expected to stay awake all night? Presumably she is not actively nursing your daughter in all of that time, if so, I don't see the problem with her occupying herself online. How come it's a problem?

You'll never know and you'll certainly never be able to prove anything.
Can you ask the Agency for someone else?

I'm 50/50 on the illness, depends on what it was.

But adding it to the rest of the info I'd be a bit .

Has she ever actually asked to use the WiFi? Yes I agree it would have been a book years ago, but I don't like someone i don't know using mine as you can't control what they might be downloading/viewing.

That and the text all feels a bit off to me.

From past experience of doing one to ones on a patient the first 15-30 minutes was always checking equipment, where spares were, did anything need stocking up etc, even if I'd seen the previous nurse doing the same as I'd arrived. As well as the checking on the patient making sure that they were comfy etc.

After all it would be my registration on the line.

At the end of the day you have to feel safe/happy with your DDs carer, you're not so keep looking and good luck.

I guess the bottom line is , does she do a good job when she's there. ? Does your dd like her ? do you like her ?. if so let it go. if not then look for a new nurse.

Do you have to give out your wifi code? Just say no? ! It's broken, or you are turning it off at night etc. see how she reacts.

could the illness have been a hangover? Just wondering - as you said, otherwise how would she know she'd be ok for the following day? Don't really have a view on the netflix things - does it put you out for her to be on it?

I think YABU

There are LOADS of illnesses that could be a one-day event! Bad period (i always had to stay at home the second day of my period due to flooding), migraine,sick the day before she called in and is giving it the obligatory 48 hours before coming into contact with your child?

What is she actually supposed to DO during the night when your child is (presumably) mostly sleeping? Nurses working night shifts in care homes often watch television or read to pass the time whilst residents sleep.

If you don't feel comfortable around her then get rid but I think these reasons are pretty flimsy.

Yes, there are loads of illnesses that are a one day event (migraines etc) but OP specifically said that the nurse didn't want to 'pass it on' so obviously the nurse was suggesting that it was it was something that was possibly contagious.

Whether there was any truth in the statement that she was ill.. Well I guess there's no way of knowing!

I think she could have easily been at the tail end of an illness and ok after 24 hours.

Is your child asleep when the nurse is there?

I would guess at D&V and exercising caution by avoiding her clients for 2 days afterwards. Why wouldn't you just ask her the nature of her illness?

I'd also assume it was a sickness bug and she was waiting the full amount of time before returning to work, 48 hours etc.

Is Netflix not just the same as bringing a book to read to pass the time? I don't know how it works and what the duties are though so, not sure on that one.

I don't have issue with the netflix, per se, I did give her our wifi password after all - but not within 10 minutes of arrival. The goal for her is not to arrive, get comfy and start watching.

When she arrives, she should do vitals, meds, personal care, read the notes to cover the time she has not been here... if DD is still awake, then range of motion exercises, respiratory therapy... see what I mean?

She specifically said she didn't want DD to catch what she had - if it was the tail end of D&V, then a call 4 hours before shift was not appropriate, making sure the agency knew the day before so the shift could be filled was.

I don't need to prove her honesty - and frankly? If it were an "I need the night off for personal reasons", then why say she needs time to not be contagious?

She's not DD's favourite nurse, but she will do for now - DH and I both felt she was trying this on (changing her day of the week at will) and not actually ill, particularly after the text. Apparently, we are in the minority.

She could have been trying it on - but then she could have been genuinely poorly. You will never know.

If you aren't comfortable with someone you need to trust alone with your child, you need to find someone else and go with your instinct IMO.

Thing is, we don't know her, you do. I'm quite a big believer in gut feelings - what does your gut tell you is the best thing to do?

You will never know for sure if she was ill or not.

However, she certainly shouldn't be needing to log on to your wifi within 10 mins of arriving - unless she arrives just before you go to bed and wanted to make sure it was working before you disappeared.

I'm afraid my experience of agency staff is very mixed. They often get messed about by the office so there seems to be little loyalty - and the nature of the job means that the flexibility is what they want (unlike say a job on a ward at a hospital). Does she actually have a contract that says she must work every Friday night (apart from annual leave) or is it just a flexible contract - in which case she could have just said "I can't work next Friday" anyway.

Sounds as though you aren't particularly happy with this nurse in general so time for a change anyway. Is it easy to ask the agency to send someone else or will they need a lot of training specific to your DDs needs?

I know of someone who sacked their DSs' nighttime carer after they found them asleep on the job - so if Netflix keeps her awake then perhaps its a good thing (assuming it isn't disturbing your DD) - as long as she has done her jobs 1st.

Yes I see what you mean now about the wifi issue now OP. She doesn't sound the greatest, as you have identified.

I think she wanted the night off and not to lose her hours, I think you have got it spot on. She doesn't sound brilliant tbh so hope you can get a new nurse soon for your DD.

I wouldn't like her using Netflix at all. Either she has to turn it up loud enough to hear, risking disturbing your DD's sleep or she's got ear phones in, risking not hearing your child if she needs her overnight. So not like a book at all.

Also why is she contacting you to ask if you are angry at her? I've done a lot of agency, both actually nursing and behind the scenes in the office and I've never heard of a nurse contacting the client directly like this. Any grievances really should go through the office.