To pay for professional childcare.

[Kingswood123]

Parents have been kindly providing part time childcare for which we are grateful. They are now asking to be paid the same Rate as a nanny to keep the arrangement going. Mother in particular is very insecure and constantly picking holes in how we live and raise our child. Happy to grin and bear whilst it meant huge financial saving for us. If we have to pay are we better off with a professional who wouldn't make us feel like rubbish human beings every time?

Yes. Absolutely yes.

The same rate as a nanny

Time to start interviewing

That's a very definitive response : )

M

My son does seem happy with the current arrangement but there is real hostility towards me and hubby. I appreciate we are lucky to have parents willing to help out. But the emotional cost plus a financial one feels like a step too far.

Well if she want to get paid I think it in her every right, just make sure she is ofstead/eystyn registered and gone through all the hoop a child minder has to go through.

She refuses to do any ofsted / childminding certification unfortunately.

Have you asked her to do that then?

There is your answer, most work places do childcare vochours scheme. But can only be used if someone is registered . Ditto with tax credits help ( if needed)

If you pay someone for regular childcare (and its not evening babysitting) I think they have to be ofsted registered.

Sounds much too stressful! Get a childminder or nursery place or nanny.

I offered to pay before this arrangement started and use childcare vouchers from work but she didn't want to go through any hassle or in fact accept the money at that time.

There you go perfect excuse as pp said....the vouchers ....fantastic

There's nothing wrong or odd in paying gps to do childcare. I don't see why gps are expected to provide regular free child care but this doesn't sound like a happy arrangement.

Paid as much as a nanny? Then I expect they will come to your house rather than you having to organise taking child to theirs. I employed a nanny rather than using a childminder or a nursery for the sheer convenience of son being looked after in his own home. Will they be providing the same level of care as a nanny?

Yes, definitely the vouchers. With the current scheme if you and your DH both claim the maximum you can save £1800 per year I think. So either she registers or you look elsewhere.

Or you could treat her as a professional who has just done something you don't like and find another CM and then say 'sorry, the arrangement wasn't working out' and then don't discuss any further.

It's not really the money. If it was a happier situation and we didn't get left feeling like we are hopeless people and parents then we would happily pay full whack. I guess we don't know if little one will be happy with someone new and someone he's not related to.

Good advice on the vouchers. Thanks guys.

Trained child care professionals will have the knowledge and experience to make sure he's happy so don't worry if the transition is a bit difficult. It will be worth it to preserve a better relationship with the grandparents if you want that to continue, they sound like they are not supporting you in the way they should IMHO

Thanks guys. Good point. Whenever I ask for something not to be done (usually because I think it could be dangerous or not right) whatever I say will be forgotten. Perhaps it will be best for everyone in the long run including our DS.

If you pay someone who's OFSTED registred, and good, the quality of their care will probably be better than your parents anyway.

Of course with parents it's all about strengthening the family bond, and that's something that can't be quantified. But if the arrangement isn't working for you - and is in fact damaging the relationship between you and your parents, I wouldn't worry about quality of care being an issue. Just make sure you get a good nanny / childminder.

Why not go for a great childminder? Then your son will most likely get to play with other children, something which could be hugely beneficial to him, and which presumably your parents aren't offering.

DS has been to two CMs, and DD is with one now. I did a lot of research each time to find a CM who felt like they were the right one (as well has having great OFSTED reports etc). We've had three very different CMs, but all wonderful, and great for DS and DD IMO.

If you were paying a nanny they would also help out with housework, cooking, cleaning

Mine didn't and wasn't expected to except cooking son's meals. She was expected to take him swimming, to tumble tots, nanny and baby group etc etc which I doubt the gps have factored in.

1. Nobody should provide regular childcare unless you have a reasonable relationship with them, and they respect your primary role as parent - for the sake of the child(ren). They will sense hostility and division and it will harm them. This is most particularly so when a relative is in question, IMO. In fact that's one of the reasons divorces harm kids so much - relations who love them disliking and undermining one another is bad news.

2. If she wants a nanny's pay, then she needs to undertake a nanny's training, flexibility and willingness to accept instruction. A nanny is an employee.

3. I don't think all the cost saving in the world would make this worth it.