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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should be supportive or at least STFU when I've got PMS?

54 replies

womblesofwestminster · 12/07/2014 12:58

I'm prepared for folk to tell me IABU. After all, I have PMS Grin

Basically, some months I have PMS for about a week, during which things that would normally be a mild irritant make me snarl. When this happens DH often says stuff like "Oh, this is going to be a GREAT day" or he gives me 'you're-a-psycho' looks.

AIBU to think if he can't say anything nice during this period, he should STFU?!

Fucking men. That is all.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 12/07/2014 13:05

Yabu, having pms doesn't give anyone the right to behave like a twat to their family and expect everyone to ignore that. I have it too, but don't use that as an excuse to treat my family anyhow.

RonaldMcDonald · 12/07/2014 13:09

Suffering from PMS or verbally abusive?
I've often wondered

upthedamnwotsit · 12/07/2014 13:13

Well if you're snarling at him is he not allowed to respond? It can be quite unpleasant to be lashed out at, especially if you're expected to just take it.

"AIBU to think if he can't say anything nice during this period, he should STFU?!"

You're the one who isn't being nice in the first place. You can't have it both ways!

mommy2ash · 12/07/2014 13:16

yabu it's not an excuse to treat people badly and if anything you should feel sympathy for him for putting up with this for a week out Of every month. You are the one with the issue so you need to find a way to live without biting peoples heads off

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2014 13:16

YABU

It can be very hard living with someone who is constantly snapping and snarling.

I think I would have said a lot more than that to be honest.

Of course PMS isn't nice, but you do have to be aware of how it affects other people.

ICanSeeTheSun · 12/07/2014 13:19

If you have pms then you need to get that sorted, not take your feelings out on your husband.

OurMiracle1106 · 12/07/2014 13:24

I used to suffer pms but I was slightly more cuddly, or always on the move and became a spring cleaner for a few days (hardly the end of the world for those I live with)

However I will confess to having one moody weekend in almost a year but I had a very stressful week and did apologize to mypoor flatmates. But I had a week of hell ahead of me and when I explained it they understood n supported me n my moodiness subsided

NatashaBee · 12/07/2014 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 12/07/2014 13:30

YABU. How would you feel if he get into a stinker of a mood for a week every month?

Lweji · 12/07/2014 13:32

Have you considered telling him you have PMS at the moment, and taking yourself away as much as possible, as well as thinking for yourself that you have PMS and STFU when you feel the snarl coming?

DoJo · 12/07/2014 14:59

I don't think PMS is an excuse for being rude to someone, and personally, if someone was snarling at me then I might be inclined to give them a look rather than just pretend it was perfectly ok for them to treat me like that. If you find your PMS hard to manage, then you need to deal with it rather than expecting your husband to suck it up indefinitely. Do you snarl at your colleagues as well?

gamerchick · 12/07/2014 15:07

Don't use it as an excuse not to reign yourself in. Tell him you're premenstrual and you're sorry if you're being a grouch and really try to check any free flowing being horrible because your temper is short.

Topaz25 · 12/07/2014 15:10

I hate it when people say things like: "Oh, this is going to be a GREAT day"! It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, clearly you're going to be irritable after that! But it sounds like he is trying to make a point (however passive aggressively) that your behaviour is upsetting him. Talk things through with him calmly when you are not suffering from PMS. If you "snarl" at him on a monthly basis then clearly something needs to change. You wouldn't put up with it if the roles were reversed. Here is some information about treatments for PMS:
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Premenstrual-syndrome/Pages/Treatment.aspx

Passthecake30 · 12/07/2014 15:10

Have you looked into dietary changes and supplements?

I know full well when I am feeling "sensitive"....I hide myself away and issue warnings. ...it I then get any agro...well....its not like he's not been warned.

Pangaea · 12/07/2014 16:03

You need to go to the doctor I think. You can't spend a quarter of your life subjecting yourself and your husband to this.

Goblinchild · 12/07/2014 16:25

Get to the doctors. how do you handle yourself at work?
When someone in my family is being an aggressive arsehole, they remove themselves from the rest of the group. Bedroom, long walk, Somewhere Else.
They are on the autistic spectrum, but it isn't an excuse to make other people's lives a misery. Neither is PMS.

Original poster
womblesofwestminster · 12/07/2014 16:32

Have you looked into dietary changes and supplements?

Yeah. I've tried evening primrose but it actually made me worse! I'm also taking zinc and magnesium which has done wonders for my PMS-related acne, but done nothing for my moods. Confused

OP posts:
SquigglySquid · 12/07/2014 16:49

PMS is not a get out of jail free card. It doesn't make you lose self control.

I find most women that "can't control" their PMS only snap at their husbands or partners, not work colleagues or anyone that would cause them serious consequences.

I get more irritable during PMS, but I also give my husband fair warning so that if I walk away or withdraw from him, it's not personal and he can give me some space for a bit. It works well. My mood isn't his problem, and I won't make it his. He also knows to be a bit nicer for a couple days. It's about compromising.

You can't just snarl and expect no consequences. See a doctor and tell your poor DH when you're PMSing so he knows to let you just walk away if you're getting upset.

Also, I find eating healthy light food (salads, sandwiches) instead of chocolate and carbs (that omg I crave so bad) cuts down on mood swings, bloating, and cramps tremendously.

LongTimeLurking · 12/07/2014 16:53

YABU. There is no excuse for anybody to "snarl" at their partner. YABVU if you behave like this and then expect sympathy from DH after your abusive behavior.

Original poster
womblesofwestminster · 12/07/2014 16:55

tell your poor DH when you're PMSing

Oh I do. It seems to give him ammunition for the snarky remarks.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 12/07/2014 16:56

Do you get snarly with your children? Workmates?
Or just your partner?

JoeyMaynardsghost · 12/07/2014 17:03

Go to your GP. I had to as my PMS was so severe that I felt I would cause him or me actual harm. I now take an antidepressant for the 2 weeks before each period so I am a lot calmer and relaxed. It may not work for you or it may do. But you have to try something, anything to relieve your symptoms. Hope you get this resolved soon.

Lottiedoubtie · 12/07/2014 17:05

I really don't get this. It makes me Angry to think of women who genuinely think they can't control their behaviour for one week a month Hmm. I mean if that was true of course women shouldn't be in positions of power, responsible careers etc...etc...

I'm sorry OP but I refuse to believe that it is 'just part of PMS' and your DH should make allowances.

SquigglySquid · 12/07/2014 17:12

Oh I do. It seems to give him ammunition for the snarky remarks.

I'd tell him a day or two in advance that it's coming up. Then let him know what you want him to do (let you walk away, get some food that won't make you bloat) , and what you are going to do to not snap at him (go on a walk, take a nap). But you can't tell him that and then expect him to put up with your bad behavior or cater to you and let you get your way just because you warned him.

By the sounds of it, you're telling him after you snap, in which case you're using it as an excuse, not a genuine warning that you need space for a couple days.

Hamuketsu · 12/07/2014 17:14

Just trying to imagine a bloke who was snarling at his wife due to some external factor that she hadn't caused, and then complaining about "Fucking Women". You admit that it's your own PMS causing the snarling, so what exactly is it about "Fucking Men" that's the issue here? Even if your own dh was being an arse about it - which he isn't, albeit a little passive-aggressive in his response - it still wouldn't be about men in general, would it?

I think you need to do more than trying supplements to try to alleviate this - e.g. see your GP - rather than putting the onus on your DP. Managing your mood is your responsibility, not his.