to find my mother really irritating

[carlajean]

We've got my parents to stay for the night in our new house and,as ever, my mum is wandering around, brushing the area in front of the house, watering the plants, telling us what we should be doing. Yesterday she started reading through our welcome cards ( I know not everybody agrees with me, but I think you just don't do it, and she knows that) and told us we were peculiar because we asked her not to.
She loves looking in cupboards and just can't sit still. So, having had the best intentions, I end up feeling really annoyed. Plus arguing with my dh, as he is irritated too.

Mildly irritating, YANBU. Don't overstate it though.

I vote really irritating.

AW give her a break. Different generation, her mother would have done the same

Some people just can't keep still, esp in so done else's house. Give her something to do to get her involved in some way.

'If you are bored mum/mom , there is some ironing, weeding! digging painting to do.'

P.s...i am one of those people, I find it hard to keep still for more than 5 mins. Give me a job though and I'll either do it or start keeping still...

You don't want her reading your welcome cards?

Do you mean the ones you receive from friends and family saying 'welcome to your new home'?

The ones you display on the mantelpiece, and windowsills for people to look at?

The ones people, well, look at?

It's a new house. People are interested. They are curious to know if this cupboard is small, or large, or not even a cupboard at all but an ensuite, or an entrance to a different room, or a secret tunnel.

I'd never pick up people's cards and read them, I think it's really nosy. And my mum knows that.

And I showrd them all the cupboards and rooms but she still wanders around checking them out. Why?

My mum does this but her intentions are good. After reading about a lot of downright nasty dms and mils on here and also having had several friends whose mums have died I am trying to be more patient. It has also occurred to me that my impatience and other traits can also be as annoying as fuck

Perhaps she feels nervous in a new place?

Going to make you a brew?

It's not really bad to inspect look at cards on display but it would be better manners to ask if it's all right to look at them and look at the messages in detail. I don't mind but prefer it when they do ask.

I can understand the telling you what to do thing would be irritating (I've had plenty of experience of that from dm and mil over the years!) but I don't get the issue with looking at your cards. I think it's nice that some people want to read them.

A friend of mine has a MIL Like this ad it used to drive her batty until she took the advice Ribena has given you and she now just gets MIL to do ironing, clean windows etc.

MIL feels useful and involved and my friend can say she is going off to the shops Costa whilst MIL cracks on.

She did have to nip some "poking around DILS bedroom" nonsense in the bud though.

I realise this is your DM, not MIL, but the same outlook might help? And just be thankful it is only one night

The reading of cards is annoying. My MiL knows not to read any cards in my house (unless she's sneaky and asks DH when I'm out)

It's normal for people to read cards. Honestly it is. I know people who keep cards handy for ages after an event and hand them to visitors to read (so they can read that Jim and Maggie - who they've never met - say happy birthday. Big surprise, not). Now that's unreasonable. Reading cards on display isn't. If you don't want people looking at them, put them out of sight as you would a bank statement.

I get that you are irritated by her poking around in cupboards, but possibly she's familiarising herself with where everything is. In case you ask her to hand you a teaspoon, or to get a throw for the sofa.

If I were you though, I'd be extremely annoyed by all the "you need to do..." conversations.

"what's that mum? We need to get the sink in the utility room back to a sparkling shine, and the plug hole de-gunked? Good idea. There's some cif and some scourers in the co-op, and you might want to get some marigolds while you're there. Ours will bebe too big for you. Thanks."

MIL makes a beeline for cards in our house and it really irritates me, especially when they're Valentine's cards DH and I have sent eachother.

Telling you what to do--very irritating.
The other things- I think she's just trying to help and showing an interest.
Agree with the others-give her jobs you really want doing and thank her for doing them-then you'll both be happy.
Reading cards on display-fine, poking around in draws and bedrooms-not okay.

My mum can't keep still either. I let it wash over me and keep her occupied with jobs. Since having dd she has been a godsend. I count myself lucky that this is the worst I have to put up with (but yes it does make me feel a bit guilty for wanting to wash up after dinner rather than during).

What do people write in cards that's so secret?

I only ever get: Dear Limited, Merry Xmas, from Your Friend.

If I'm lucky, I get a kiss on the bottom, but that's from DH

Well personally, my cards to DH say something like "I can't wait for your hot, throbbing mansword to impale me tonight, sending me into wet, wild paroxysms of ecstacy"....and still she reads them!

You have my sympathy, my mum can be very similar. I don't mind so much her looking at cards or in kitchen cupboards. The thing that pisses me off is when she tells me what to do. She became very pushy after I had DC 1, giving lots of outdated (at times plain stupid) unsolicited advice and getting sulky when I didn't take it. I get even more annoyed with her when she tells me to do something that I am already doing and she knows it. I have found standing my ground with her and questioning her about why I should do it, making it clear i know what i want to do/how i want to do it and pointing out that sometimes I'm already doing and she can see that and that has made her think twice before opening her mouth.
Unfortunately it's starting up again, I am pregnant with DC2 (having had a miscarriage earlier this year) and I've already had a lecture on how I can avoid another miscarriage even though she knows it's mainly down to nature - thanks mum. Also had a lecture about how much I am eating, I am so hungry, stomach rumbling therefore my body is telling me I need more food - she doesn't agree. I think a lot of it is down to her not accepting I am now an adult and can make my own decisions. I am trying to let it wash over me and not get to me but it's annoying sometimes.

It wasn't until I discovered MN that I even realised looking in people's cards displayed in full view was even considered nosey!!! Now I ask; another lesson learned from MN.

Mine is coming to stay [with the two nieces] for 3 nights in August. I have bought some spare crochet hooks to teach her crochet. I'll get her doing a scarf for the girls. Or something.

My friend was furious at her MIL reading their anniversary cards which were displayed on the mantelpiece. I was torn between thinking it was a bit nosey and thinking she should have hidden them if they were so private!

It's bizarre that some people object to their MiL or own Mother reading greeting cards which are out on display.

Put them somewhere more private if it bothers you.

My mum is very similar.

One of the reasons the buzzing about annoys me though is that I'd like her to just sit down with me for a chat & a cuppa!

The cards wouldn't bother me, I'd do the same at her house (not at anyone else's though).

The telling you what to do...grr! My mum has a habit of starting sentences with "You know what you want to do? You want to blah blah blah..."

Well actually if that was the case I would have done it or had it in hand by now .