To feel like crying (massive first world problem don't feel sorry for me!!)

[listsandbudgets]

I got in from work 40 minutes ago to discover our cleaner hasn't been today. There's a phone call from her saying she needed to look after her grandchildren so she'd come on Monday. (that's another issue I'm not pleased a bit more warning would nto have gone amiss).

I left the house vaguely tidy but not clean as cleaner was coming. Also left spare room bed for her to change as we have guests arriving tonight. Spent last 40 minutes whizzing round with hoover, wipes and air spay, went into spare room to change bed only to find that the window was left open (by me to air room) and a bird has got in there, paniced and there is bird shit all over the stripped mattress, the pillows, the clean bedding and the carpet. It is one incontinent pigeon. Caught the damned thing and put it out.

Now got friends arriving in 40 minutes, toys everywhere courtesy of DCs, no dinner as spent 40 minutes cleaning to a crap standard and a spare room liberally besmattered with bird shit.

Off to tackle shitty spare room.

ABIU to cry, order takeaway and get guests and me drunk?

YANBU to do any of the above

a drink will help A LOT

Shit! (Literally)

Get lots of wine, tell guests and you'll all find it funny by the end of the first bottle!

Order the yummiest food you can find. Get lots of wine and enjoy anyway. You can all have a laugh about your horrible day after your first glass. You'll feel much better.

Sorry but that made me laugh out loud . Order take away, drink a lot and maybe not mention to guest that a bird has shit on their pillows for the night

I remember camping as a kid and a bird got in the tent we all got covered in crap during the frenzy of trying capture it.

At least you still managed to fine time to update Mumsnet.

listsandbudgets - " got friends arriving in 40 minutes, toys everywhere courtesy of DCs, no dinner ..."

Yet you found time to MN?

Takeaway, relocate the story about the bird to another room. Wine.

Pigeons are wankers, but I'm sure your guests will be entertained by the story (although maybe best to tell them tomorrow after they have slept in the bed!). Big drink consumed whilst kicking crap out of the way to clear a space and planning a takeaway of epic proportions.

My cat brought me a live bird once and let it go in the kitchen, shit everywhere.

Exactly what ohyoubadbad said. My god, what are the chances? So unlucky and hilarious!

If it was that much of a desperate situation then why come on here.

A cleaner's a luxury Fgs.

Oh, mcphee. You went there. No need.

Tackle spare room. Order takeaway. Ply guests with wine and entertain them with story of terrible day and incontinent pigeon. Ignore toys, guests are your friends and won't care.

McPhee.. I was struggling to find any sympathy too but then I'm in the foulest of moods today!!

Yes, a takeaway and lots of wine and everything will be okay. You might not think you've cleaned properly but your guests won't notice they may notice the pigeon shit and will think it's funny.

To those saying how come you have time to post on here, maybe she just needed to let off steam, have a two minute break from stressing about getting things ready.

I'm saying nothing at all about cleaners.

after all that they're running late and should be here by 8.15ish.

Spare room cleaned and sheets on. I've made risotto and defrosted some garlic bread, strawberries and cream for pudding. Hardly top notch cuisine but at least they won't starve. We'll go out for a curry tomorrow :)

Yes our cleaner is a luxury but since most weeks she stands firm between me and utter insanity she's worth spending my money on. Now I've calmed down I know she won't have failed to turn up without good reason, most likely her grand daughter was ill. Cleaners DIL is a nurse on critical care so much better I lose my cleaning than someone loses a skilled nurse for the day.

Think the wine may be helping my mood :)

As for updating mumsnet well I have to get my priorities in order don't I?

If I could afford a cleaner, I'd do it without thinking twice. Bit by bit tidying everyday doesn't always happen and my house clutters up because I leave it for "tomorrow" until the mess is overwhelming.

I did laugh at the bird though. You'll look back on this and laugh after you're no longer stressed about it.

Is the pigeon OK?

Oh dear.What a shame.Never mind.

I'm so jealous. I really really want a cleaner but I think they would be mumsnet venting "AIBU to be really peed off about the state of this house I was expected to clean?"

Oh don't be so bitter maras2 for heaven's sake. OP said it was a massively first world problem !

Have they noticed, or are you pleasingly pissed?

I missed the bit about the bird at first and thought you were just whining about cleaning your own house. I was going to come give you a bollocking about how entitled you are, but I'll let you off

How did a bloody pigeon get in?!

Have your guests noticed anything?