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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen day thing. IABU. I think.

44 replies

Discoflame · 16/06/2014 19:16

I am pretty sure I am actually being unreasonable but maybe other people telling me will make me cheer up and get on with this!

I've been invited to a friends hen day. It's a full day thing, afternoon tea at her house then up to a club for a cocktail class and dinner. Apparently there will be games and stuff.

I hate this kinda thing, but she's a good friend so I will go.

However money is really tight just now and I have no spare cash. The evening thing was £40 and I couldn't afford it so I said I would just attend the day, afternoon tea at her house.

But that's to cost £25. Am I totally unreasonable to have assumed it would be free??

Don't get me wrong, I'd have take a bottle of bubbly and some chocolates but £25 to sit in someone's house?!

Argh, tell me I'm a moany skint cow and I should shut up and put up please? Maybe I will enjoy it when I get there???

OP posts:
marshmallow2468 · 16/06/2014 19:17

£25 to sit in somebody's house? Seems a little odd to me. You're not being unreasonable.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/06/2014 19:18

That sounds a bit steep!

SatansFurryJamHats · 16/06/2014 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplecircle · 16/06/2014 19:23

She might be catering it. If she's asking folk to bring cakes and sandwiches then shes taking the piss
If she's paying someone to provide all the food and drink then sounds a bit expensive
You can have afternoon tea with champers at Betty's for £25

hotfuzzra · 16/06/2014 19:27

Perhaps then bridesmaids have organised games and props and presents for the bride? And perhaps there will be food and drink?
Are you good enough friends to say you can't really afford it? If they want you there they'll pay it themselves if things really are so tight. Good luck and try to have fun.

WooWooOwl · 16/06/2014 19:30

Yes, it's too much. I'd expect there to be lots of champagne, or at least prosecco, and a gorgeous afternoon tea spread for that much.

I expect you're going to be paying for a lot of tacky additions to the hens outfit, and a few tacky decorations as well.

Georgethesecond · 16/06/2014 19:30

If you were going to take champagne and chocolates then surely you were going to spend that anyway? This way I think it is ok to arrive without food/ drink. Though maybe a small girly present don't know what though, sounds like a nightmare to pick something

Georgethesecond · 16/06/2014 19:31

Oh god yes I once had to pay for a limo and a feather boa

tak1ngchances · 16/06/2014 19:33

I bet there's a stripper coming to the house

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/06/2014 19:33

That sounds pricey. I'd expect to spend that in a nice hotel with potentially everyone chipping in for the bride. I think it's difficult to query it without looking mean.

Coffeeinthepark · 16/06/2014 19:35

I sympathise. I went to one hen do where the bridesmaid expected all guests to match her best friend enthusiasm and on top of all the costs for everyone there kept on appearing extra bits and pieces

Original poster
Discoflame · 16/06/2014 19:37

I suspect the money is going to be more for the tacky bride stuff and also drink. I don't drink so that's fab Hmm

Argh I really don't want to go and I totally resent paying for tacky crap. I would have been able to tell the bride that I am skint before but she has become a complete bridezilla and I don't think she would take it well.

Well at least I know I'm not being totally unreasonable! Now I just need to suck it up and plaster a smile on my face! O god I hope there isn't a stripper...

OP posts:
lettertoherms · 16/06/2014 19:38

YANBU... if you can't afford it, you can't, and there's no obligation to go to something you can't afford for a friend. Hate the idea of charging for a party.

But if you were going to spend that amount to bring something anyway, I would go to the day thing, but do not bring anything extra.

Whocansay · 16/06/2014 20:02

If they are good friends, can you not just explain, go for the afternoon and take your own food? ie a flask of tea / sandwich / cake? As you don't drink, they can't expect you to pay for booze.

If I was the bride I would just be happy you were there.

And I don't like the tacky stuff either.

YouTheCat · 16/06/2014 20:04

£25 for afternoon tea? Even somewhere posh I'd say that was extortionate.

I'd make my excuses and not go.

bitsnbobs14 · 16/06/2014 20:08

YANBU, if you can't afford it, what can you do?
It's awful when lack of funds stops you from celebrating with friends, be honest and tell her, she will understand.

expatinscotland · 16/06/2014 20:12

YANBU. just tell you don't have £65 to spend on a hen do and will go to the evening part.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 16/06/2014 20:13

I would call her and tell her you really can't afford it now. YANBU.

losingmybelt · 16/06/2014 20:14

Its not just the expensive hen weekend, its also the cost of going to the wedding itself. The new outfit, possible overnight stay.

Being invited to a wedding these days is a VERY expensive business.

I don't envy you.

LeBearPolar · 16/06/2014 20:25

Who are these people who have such enormous egos that they think everyone will be delighted to spend this amount of money on things like this? I can't imagine being so up myself that I would think everyone was happy to fork out £65 to spend a day with me just because I was getting married.

Just tell her that you can't afford that but hope she has a lovely day.

matildasquared · 16/06/2014 20:30

It's not a charity event or anything is it? Like one of those coffee mornings?

Otherwise--she is really charging you £25 to come to her house for tea?

No, no way would I go to that.

zzzzz · 16/06/2014 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaroldLloyd · 16/06/2014 20:42

Actually stuff all adds up so if she is getting loads of cava type stuff and food for everyone I don't think it's totally extortionate.

But I would imagine she has got a LOT of wine for that much and so if you don't drink it's going to be a lot of money for you on that basis.

NoodleOodle · 16/06/2014 21:32

Could you phone and ask if it's ok if you just turn up with a bottle of Shloer as you don't drink?

Fruityb · 16/06/2014 21:38

65 quid would get you a lovely day at a spa with a three course meal!

YANBU. I hate this idea of big dos where people end up paying over the odds for stuff like this. Surely they should just be happy to have everyone here.

I hate strippers. ...