to think my dsc should know how to be safe by now?

[NeeNawNora]

My dsc are 7 and 8. I have a 7 yr old and we also have an 18 month old as well as being pregnant. My 7 yr old is adventurous but sensible - I.e. She'll want to run or cartwheel on grass when dog walking but will check for dog poo, she'll want to stroke dogs but will ask first from a distance, she'll want to scoot ahead but will stop and check driveways/far back from roads, she'll climb on walls then back down the same way.

My dsc are a whole different story. They run towards dogs screaming and shouting and grab at them, they tread in dog poo frequently as they just don't look where they're walking, they can't be trusted to scoot ahead as they don't stop for roads unless told, they walk into roads if there's no car immediately in front of them, they'll climb on things then jump off and be surprised they get hurt, as well as getting repeated injuries from things like falling down the last stairs as they run, burning themselves in public toilets as they ignore the hot water signs, trapping fingers in doors etc.

I recognise that all dc are different but it's getting to the point where our toddler is more safety aware than them and where my 7 yr old is restricted in doing things because dsc can't be trusted to do the same. Mil says my dd is unusual and that dsc are normal for their age. Aibu to think they're old enough to know better?

Son isn't the safest and lacks maturity and is far from sensible. But he could even at age 7 be trusted not to run or scoot into the road. I would be a bit worried that they lacked impulse c

It sounds as though maybe they were never taught these things so it doesn't enter their heads. My dd is 4 and does most of these things as I've always talked to her a lot. And we're very anti dog poo!! She's not perfect by any means but I don't mind if she runs ahead a bit on a familiar route as I know she'll stop at a safe distance from the road for example.
Maybe you need to find strategies like games for eg to teach them whilst they are with you. That said, children vary so much in normal development it may just take them a bit longer to learn. Keep trying while you have them though and maybe they'll pick it up quicker than otherwise. Good luck..

I tend towards thinking it does vary quite a lot from child to child, within my family it does and I know that my approach has been a constant factor. Of my 3, 2 are vastly more "teachable" on the things you describe. Not just more likely to comply (although realistically they probably are personality wise) but they absorb the information differently.. Or so it appears.

The eldest is the least able to behave appropriately around roads/driveways/other pedestrians. It's definitely not for lack of instruction/information over time, lack of good modelled behaviour or lack of discussion on the topic.

It's very very frustrating, I'm now trying to approach the whole situation with the thinking that he finds it harder than the other two, he can't help that. The other two conform to the basic rules in an apparently much more instinctual way, it doesn't require as much of their attention to follow the rules, he has to consciously think about it all the time in order to not make mistakes. Which of course he doesn't do, because he's 6.

If your dsc are spending a fair bit of time with you and you feel that you're not doing anything different in how you handle all the dcs together then I reckon it's at least a possibility that it's not purely an "old enough to know better" situation. I do in a very literal sense trust my just 2 year old more than my approaching 7yo in some situations (scooting being one of them), I would very much rather this wasn't the case but currently it is.