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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kisses and hugs unecesarry for acquaintances...

41 replies

KeepOnPloddingOn · 12/06/2014 20:08

I am not some over - zealous prude. I am not overly 'huggy' either. I do feel that a general greeting for dh's friends could be minimised to a simple 'hi'. A 'hi' would suffice.

However, this doesnt seem to be enough... They want a hug and a kiss everytime they see us and every time they go (several of them) I can tell dh's mates are not particularly desperate to do it, but I they dont their wives literally push them toward me and instruct they kiss and hug me hello. I mean, WTAF? Is this a new trend I have missed ?

I just find it all a bit of a pain, queuing up at the end of a night to make sure i hug and kiss them all- or else they will be barked at to kiss me goodbye by their wives (like i care!)

I do them, but I find this whole charade rather boring now.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mummybearah · 12/06/2014 21:46

Well... Yes I think so. I'm also not much of a hugger, but it's not much of a big deal with people you don't see regularly.. To be honest id just grin n bear?

samsam123 · 12/06/2014 21:49

I hate it people just say hi to me now - they will soon learn

myusernameis · 12/06/2014 21:54

I hate this. My partners family all do it. If we visit them for a couple of hours it feels like half the time is spent doing this hello and goodbye kissing thing. It actually stresses me out.

HecatePropylaea · 12/06/2014 21:55

No, you aren't unreasonable.

We don't all have to feel the same way or be happy with the same level of physical contact.

I'd rather chew off my own leg than do the whole hug and kiss thing. The clear look of horror on my face has stopped more than one person mid lean in Grin. I cannot be accused of being closed though. I tried it once. On a fellow mner no less. Never again. We were both horrified by the whole experience. Grin

It's as ok to not like it as it is to like it. It's personal preference. But since the right to not be touched if you don't want to be trumps the right to touch other people regardless how they feel about it, you win the kiss or not kiss competition. Grin

StoneFoxMama · 12/06/2014 22:17

It's totally ok not to like it, if you can get assertive just give the room a cheerio wave and leave.
I come from a French and Italian background, with an English public school upbringing. I've been kissed and hugged so much I'm worn away, the old school friends are the worst, surprisingly.

MaryAnnTheDasher · 13/06/2014 06:00

With you all the way OP. We don't do hugs and kisses in my family (Irish), never have but since been with dh it's hugs and kisses all round for the friends, wives and now the kids who are seriously not interested. And yes if there are a large group it can take half an hour to just get away. Stresses me out too, especially when I'm having to kiss and hug someone i cant stand and know they can't stand me!

financialwizard · 13/06/2014 06:03

From a Sicilian family here, and my husbands is Maltese. We all always hug and kiss when meeting or leaving.

steff13 · 13/06/2014 06:31

Our friends are all big huggers. I used to just put up with it, but I've learned to appreciate it now, and I don't mind anymore.

I am surprised at the number of people I see for work, strangers, who try to hug me. I am a mediator of sorts, and I guess sometimes people are just grateful to feel as though they've been heard. I really don't like it, though.

parentalunit · 13/06/2014 06:40

Just turn your head slightly and offer a cheek. Don't let them get too much into your personal space.

Original poster
KeepOnPloddingOn · 13/06/2014 06:52

Its is only ever the cheek parent! Crikey, do people actually kiss their friends on the lips as a goodbye gesture?

I really like what pp have stated about it taking ages just to say hello and goodbye... It is really stressful too as I think they know I dont like it much, but they feel they dont want to leave me out perhaps? Id rather they did.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 13/06/2014 06:53

I do it, but I think it's learned behaviour as I didn't before I went away to Uni (Northerner surrounded by Southerners although I'm not sure it's because of that) and so do it automatically but then the dormant northerner in me feels an element 'cringe' a split second after I've leaned in.

I remember taking a younger colleague to visit an agency in that there Lundun London and they were very agency dahling and her face when they went in for the hug and two kisses on each cheek mwah mwah was hilarious.

I thinks a social circle thing but I agree it's a bit awkward when women force their husbands into partaking

Original poster
KeepOnPloddingOn · 13/06/2014 07:02

I am originally a northerner (studied at Glasgow) and have since moved down to the Southern side. I agree it is probably more of a Southern thing, ime ...

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepOnPloddingOn · 13/06/2014 07:03

mimi the dormant northerner ...
I love that term!

OP posts:
chocolatemademefat · 13/06/2014 08:11

I'm in scotland and sad to say even up here the huggers and kissers are invading my personal space! In my family we don't even hug and kiss at christmas or new year - and we're all happy with that.

I don't want people I hardly know zooming in on me - it makes me feel awkward and at social occasions I sometimes wish I could just leave without telling anyone instead of enduring the insincere goodbyes.

parentalunit · 13/06/2014 18:48

Plodding Good God no!!! I just meant to offer one cheek (and gently hold their upper arms so they can't hug you IYSWIM) rather than have a hug. Then "bye, lovely to see you" or something and turn and walk away.

Defo no lip smacking around here...good grief!

HelenHen · 13/06/2014 19:06

Ahhh the kissing... All the in laws do it, it's weird and awkward and inevitably some creepy uncle will go for the wrong cheek and there's a horrible moment. Hugging isn't as bad but I'd still rather not. Nobody did kissy kissy before satc surely?

HelenHen · 13/06/2014 19:08

Ahhh the kissing... All the in laws do it, it's weird and awkward and inevitably some creepy uncle will go for the wrong cheek and there's a horrible moment. Hugging isn't as bad but I'd still rather not. Nobody did kissy kissy before satc surely? Unless you were pretend posh? Now it's grandparents and everything!

I'm Irish too

steff13 · 13/06/2014 19:08

Its is only ever the cheek parent! Crikey, do people actually kiss their friends on the lips as a goodbye gesture?

I have a female friend who always kisses me on the lips when we say goodbye. I was very surprised the first time she did it.

Scotslasslivinginfrance · 13/06/2014 19:18

I'm quite used to it now living in France everyone does the double cheek kiss even if you are being introduced to someone for the first time, it can also get confusing if you socialize with expats and French as expats are used to hugging and then so you have some hugs thrown into the mix. It happens pretty much constantly if you are out, even if people aren't joining the group but if you see someone you know, it's a small community and everyone knows everyone so you imagine how much this happens...

Oh and because we are close to switzerland there are also lots of Swiss folk around and they do a 3 cheek kiss which just causes mayhem as this sneaky little unexpected third kiss appears... Cue lots of head butting...so not that different to a night out Glasgow really... Maybe that's what makes me feel so at home here!

HelenHen · 13/06/2014 19:24

Lol I lived in Paris year's ago and remember the 2,3 or 4 kiss thing... I just kept going til they stopped

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 13/06/2014 19:29

Loathe the whole hugging/kissing thing. I don't ever do it.
I genuinely have no memory of ever hugging or kissing my parents and I don't think it's scarred me too badly.

brotherhoodofspam · 13/06/2014 19:31

I'm another northerner who hates it. I'm never comfortable knowing whether to our not and whether to kiss or hug or both. If I have to do something I would probably go for a hug rather than kiss as it feels a bit more sincere somehow, but generally I avoid if possible, lurk at the back of the departing group and make a quick dive for the door if I get a chance. Glad to read I'm not the only one who feels like this, I thought I was just anti-social!

HexBramble · 13/06/2014 19:59

I have a small circle of friends cos I'm an antisocial bugger and we don't hug or Kiss every time I see them. I do give them a quick hug if they've been through something difficult/achieved something/if I've not seen them in an age.

squoosh · 13/06/2014 20:04

It's funny the way cheek kissing is becoming the done thing in Britain. Those Mediterraneans and their affectionate ways, next we'll be giving each other little crotch fondles. Where will it all end!

I don't mind a bit of hugging and kissing but sometimes I'm in a rush and I can't be bothered.

And sometimes I like to crack out an old school handshake.

squoosh · 13/06/2014 20:07

'I genuinely have no memory of ever hugging or kissing my parents and I don't think it's scarred me too badly.'

I'm not being smart arse but I do find that a bit sad to be honest. My parents aren't the kissy kissy 'I love you' types but we always hug when I go home to visit and when I leave. Showing physical affection to our loved ones is such a natural human instinct.