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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed with dh?

26 replies

Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:08

I am fed up with always being the one who does the chivvying and discipline stuff with ds. We have a busy weekend and ds has some homework to do. I went out earlier and asked dh if he could help ds do the work as this afternoon is the only time he could do it. When I left they were playing computer together. I've just got back and they're still playing computer! I asked dh if the homework is done and he says no - we haven't moved.
I'm now sitting in another room tempted not to mention it again but I know it just won't get done if I do that. They're still playing. Aibu to think its like having 2 kids sometimes!

Disclaimer - dh is great in other ways but I am annoyed about this aspect of our family life. I have brought it up before but nothing changes.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/06/2014 16:10

How old is your DS? I dont understand the need for parents to become involved with HW unless SEN.

Well, get your DS to forego something he is doing tomorrow to make time for the HW. At the end of the day its DSs responsibility to do his HW.

Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:12

He's 5. Year 1- he will be doing it but at this stage it's about getting him to turn off the computer and sit down and do it imo rather than dh facilitating the procrastination!
Tomorrow is events we've paid for so I really don't want to not go to these because dh is being lazy (and ds of course but I think dh should turn it off now)
Soon it will be tea time and then too late.

OP posts:
Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:14

YABU to chivvy. Like the PP, I don't understand the chivvying thing. The sooner DC learn the consequences of HW non-completion for themselves, the better. I will offer all manner of assistance and facilitation but I have always refused to chivvy, nag or remind. Seems to be working out quite well.

YANBU to wnat to be on the same page as DH though.

Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:15

Even in y1 fideliny? Nothing would get done here!

OP posts:
Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:16

Point out that he is running out of time and also point out what the consequences will be on Monday if it's not done. Then drop it. Seriously.

Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:17

Tell ds? I think it's a bit unfair to put the responsibility on ds when dh is playing 2 player computer with him. Fair enough if ds was just pottering on his own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:18

I will if that's the consensus though. I genuinely don't know!

OP posts:
Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:19

I (secretly) chewed my knuckles off for a term when DC2 was in Yr 1 and real HW started (arch procrastinator), but after a three or four serious tellings-off she clearly decided that HW was the lesser of two evils.

Her teacher was fine when I told him the plan. I dread to think what my weekends would have been like for the past ten years if she hadn't been forced to develop her own motivation

Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:21

Well kick DHs butt too obviously, but not with the aim of getting him to join you in lengthy joint chivvying.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/06/2014 16:21

Cat I agree with you. 5 is far too young to self regulate re homework, especially when fun computer games with daddy were the alternative I'd be pissed off too. I hate always being the unfun enforcer.

Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:22

especially when fun computer games with daddy were the alternative

Oh absolutely agree DH needs to stop that.

Hellokittycat · 07/06/2014 16:23

I agree with you cat. I have a boy in year 1 and no way is it fair to put all responsibility to remember and do his homework entirely off his own back. They still need you to sit with them and answer questions at that age (and for another year or so I'd say)
I'd give one reminder to dh that he needs to do hw now of just say something like 'right, I'm going to cook tea now while you two do homework. Or would you prefer to cook tea dh while I do the homework with ds?'

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/06/2014 16:24

Fid I could not agree more. I've got one in Y5 and one in Y3 and they are completely self sufficient, thank god.

Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 16:24

They're still playing! I would like to say that kitty cat but ds will again see me as the 'unfun enforcer' (great term btw!)

OP posts:
wheresthebeach · 07/06/2014 16:27

Own motivation in Yr 1? Really? Wow. Impressive.

I just set consistent 'homework' time each weekend. That's when it gets done. End of.

wheresthebeach · 07/06/2014 16:28

Oh...I'd be irritated too!

Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:29

There are some real cautionary tales on the GCSE revision thread (long term view adnittedly) including a woman who has taken to reading aloud to her sleeping 16 year old from a Letts revision guide in the hope of some subliminal absorption because said teenager just won't revise.

Fideliney · 07/06/2014 16:31

Glad I'm not the only one HeartSmile

Worked here anyway

Hellokittycat · 07/06/2014 16:36

Maybe say something to just dh then? Ask him for a quiet word and then out of earshot tell him that you feel bad that you are always the un fun enforcer and that you'd like to have a fun day out with them both tomorrow but you will have to skip some of if to do homework if if doesn't get done today and could dh please do some of the enforcing so it isn't always on you?

Or alternatively can you ask dh to do dinner so you can play a game with ds? Then just casually say 'oh can you set the timer for 5 mins to remind is when to stop for hw' and then he will be stopping the fun in a few mins time...

Nanny0gg · 07/06/2014 16:44

5 is too young for self-discipline for homework and I assume most would need adult input anyway.

Your DH is being unfair. You have to nip in the bud the possibility of you always being the no-fun 'bad guy'.

sanfairyanne · 07/06/2014 19:00

mine have all just got on with hwk or faced the consequences at school
they tell me and i sit with them to help
if they leave it late, i dont help
i always remind them once then thats it

Original poster
Cat2014 · 07/06/2014 20:03

Thanks for all the replies.
Thought I'd update - homework was done! I had a chat with dh and hopefully he understands. He said he just hadn't realised that this would be the only chance to do it!

OP posts:
vanillavelvet · 07/06/2014 20:43

Glad you got it sorted Cat.

My 5-year-old P1 (Scotland) wouldn't be able to read the homework instructions herself at this stage. Once she can do that I'll leave her to her own devices more Smile

Ronmione · 07/06/2014 20:48

That would piss me off too! You dh needs to think about things much more, needs to act more like a grown up.

SpiceAddict · 07/06/2014 20:55

Should I be worried that my DS in year 1 doesn't get any homework? They just get a reading book every week and there are some maths targets which you are supposed to help them practice, but there is nothing formal given like worksheets etc

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