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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let my twins play fight?

18 replies

icanneverremember · 25/05/2014 14:56

They are 6. On one hand they are just playing and having a lot of fun wrestling outside. On the other hand one of them always takes it too far and it ends in tears. I feel like banning play fighting but there are two issues, 1st I feel bad that I'm inhibiting their play 2nd, where do you draw the line? Sometimes their play fighting is imaginative and they pretend to be characters (theif and jailor for example). Sometimes just their physical interactions turn into play fighting gradually.

I'm so sick of dealing with the fallout of these sparring sessions but AIBU to ban it?

OP posts:

Bigbird01 · 25/05/2014 15:40

Not really an answer, but my twins do the same (5). I don't ban it but try and step in if they are getting out of hand.
Apparently it's very common for twins to be overly rough with each other...

Goblinchild · 25/05/2014 15:44

Whatever you decide, make it clear that it's not appropriate at school or with other children. As a teacher, I get very pissed-off with the whinge of 'My mum lets meeeee...' as do other parents of children who are not into roughhousing.

KittyandTeal · 25/05/2014 15:45

I don't have twins but I deal with tons of play fighting at school (which is banned but never stops them)

My response is 'if you don't want to her hurt, don't play fight'. I'd give them that option and make them take a bit of responsibility for it.

snoofle · 25/05/2014 15:47

This went on with mine till they were about 15! sometimes my husband joined in
Never did find the answer tbh.

They are good friends. Always were.
From about 14 onwards they sort of turned to mental oneupmanship. Until one son tired of that thankfully at about the age of 20.

Twins can be such fun!

I did do a half hearted attempt at stopping the play fighting at one stage, round about 6, but gave up.

snoofle · 25/05/2014 15:50

I will add that they now live miles apart from each other, and in different fields of work

But wanted to say that they are both great team players. I think that all the years of play fighting meant that they were learning a lot, such as appropriate boundaries, and pretend but still love, and others can join in and still everything is ok etc.

snoofle · 25/05/2014 15:52

Have you seen those twin doctors that are on mainly childrens tv?
I recognise a lot of similarities in how they behave with each other, to mine.
When they were first on TV they were still tumbling with each other, and trying to outdo each other, all the while still very much keeping in contact across countries and loving each other, and sticking up for each other. Aw!

MissSmiley · 25/05/2014 15:55

Snap. Mine are nearly 7. They love it even though one of them sometimes gets hurt. Sometimes thru even pretend to be hurt as part of the game. I don't think it's possible to stop them doing it but I try to limit where they are. Our nanny told us it's a crucial part of their development. I'm going with that.

Original poster

icanneverremember · 25/05/2014 16:59

That's why I feel I would be unreasonable as it can be a good way of developing boundaries. They did get in trouble for play fighting with others at school and I fully supported their consequences. I have also made it clear it's not to be done with other children. Funnily enough (apart from school where I believe it was equally instigated by other chikdren) it seems to be something they just do amongst themselves. I think they like the challenge because they are so evenly matched.

Guess I'll just let them get on with it and accept the fact that I'll have to live with it for the next 10 years or so

OP posts:

snoofle · 25/05/2014 18:47

Mine were evenly matched in everything too. I feel your pain!

TeenAndTween · 25/05/2014 18:51

Can you implement a key word like STOP and if a child says it the other has to stop immediately?

Beardlover · 25/05/2014 19:53

I think they have to learn when to stop if one of them wants to stop. Yes agree with a code word. There should be time out for the child who doesn't stop when asked by other twin.

Beardlover · 25/05/2014 19:54

My brother and I used to play fight. He hurt me a lot and I was treated quite badly but my mother just let him get on with it because she was useless in relation to fairness or discipline.

SocialMediaAddict · 25/05/2014 20:02

My twins are best friends (9) but play fight all the time.

I have best male friend identical twins who are 40 and still play fight!! Never stops.

WilsonFrickett · 25/05/2014 20:59

I only have one child so in a way am not really in the position to comment, but here goes anyway - it's not a crucial part of any child's development, because not every child does it, either through choice or opportunity. DS is a singleton, I have a brother but there are 10 years between us, no play fighting opportunities there. Me and DBro have both developed fine

That said, if you're children do it I think it's fine as long as they respect each others boundaries and don't do it outside the home. Perhaps if this had been taipught DS wouldn't have come back from cubs with a black eye thanks to 'play fighting' in the tent...

Retropear · 25/05/2014 21:06

I've got twin boys as has my sister.None of them play fight like that.Mine leapt on daddy though.All 4 are a big woosy though.

minionmadness · 25/05/2014 22:27

My two really are the best of friends... but they play fight all the time. Occasionally one of them gets hurt although I try to intervene if I can see things going to far.

They don't play fight with other children though... just seems to be their thing with each other.

I'm pleased to read that I'm not alone in my frustration.

Delphiniumsblue · 25/05/2014 22:32

Mine are close in age and they enjoyed it- I found it irritating so I just left them to it.

WonderingAllowed · 25/05/2014 23:12

The problems start when one wants to 'playfight' but the other doesn't then they get to hulking great 12 year olds and the previously placid one decides he wants to proper fight his brother for all the years he's been got at and it ends in big bruises!!

Not fun and it involves a lightning strike up the stairs to stop them killing each other at the slightest bang from up there. Ho hum, I have told them I will be marching them to the Navy recruitment office for separate postings when they turn 16 and I mean it .

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