To feel sad for my son starting school nursery September?

[Mixedupmind]

When his brother a year younger won't be?
Hes starting in September a week before starting 4 so will probably be the eldest.
I also have another son 11 1/2 months younger than him so they really are like twins, intellectually etc they are pretty much on a par.
He seems excited about nursery although sad that his younger brother will be at home with me whilst hes there, questions that it isn't fair when "hes the same size "
I feel very torn and Sad that my eldest never had years of one to one time

Huh? Not sure I get this. They are less than a year apart. Not sure whether this was your choice or not. Your second child won't have had years of sole attention either. Will you feel a similar pang do you think?

I'm sorry OP, I don't see your problem either.
Do you mean they will miss each other, or you will miss ds1?
I also can't see the significance in one to one time you refer to, neither have had this have they?

Your elder son had a year of one to one time before his younger brother was born, and now your younger son will have one to one time while his brother is at nursery.

Yabu, one has to go to nursery and the other can't. It's a fact, and they will encounter many such situations.

don't send him then! he doesn't have to go. if you'd prefer to keep him home, then do!

I don't get what you mean.

But YABU because they are not like twins they are just close in age. You didn't have two newborns at the same time or two weaning.

Can you guess I have twins?!

the child can't possibly have articulated this concern, even he has felt it, unless someone has suggested to him that this is how he "should" feel.

tbh if you have treated them as "twins" to the extent that your 4yo is developmentally at the same stage has his younger brother then he needs to go to nursery imo. a year is a huge age difference at 3/4 yo

But he's had almost a year of your undivided attention when he was a baby?

Sorry ill explain a bit further
They absolutely do need time apart and really enjoy spending one on one time with either me or their dad.
My eldest has said a few times it is not fair he goes to nursery soon and not my youngest, I don't think he views him as younger as he is the same height and I'm not exaggerating when I say of similar intellect.
At 2 1/2 he is talking is full blown sentences, has been toilet trained not potty ( wouldn't use it ) since 19 months, counts to 50, can name all colours, not massively good / interested in sport like my eldest but other than that very similar.
Almost like he's refused to be left behind I suppose, wanted to be doing everything the eldest would.
I know my first had me for a year but he wasn't really aware at this point, my youngest will have me for 3 hours every day at an age of 3-4 where he will, I guess that's what making me feel guilty.

He may well change his mind when he gets to nursery and has a better idea of all the fun things he'll do.

Big it up to him that he's the lucky one because he gets to go to nursery first. Your feelings of guilt might be rubbing of on him, even though I'm sure your trying to hide it.

I see where you're coming from, OP. I have 2 quite close in age although not quite as close as yours, the younger is physically tall, and very bright, and they have been used to doing everything together as they were home educated until recently. At first they didn't understand why they were in different classes when they went to school, or got invited to friends' houses separately. They have adjusted quickly though and it's now normal for them. I'm sure yours will too but can understand when you say they don't see themselves as different ages. My youngest was sad that she wasn't allowed to do all the same things as her brother (school clubs etc) and he wanted her to go with him. But honestly,. in a matter of weeks they had settled, it is just a transition and a new arrangement, and they will get used to it, and be enjoying the new things they are doing, separately and together.

Do you think that maybe he is picking up on your sadness? From an outsider, it sounds like it.

I doubt it, I'm always extremely positive about it around him, that it's a new exciting journey and he can only go as he's bigger and younger brother has to wait until next year etc

My children are going to be 22 months apart and I feel really guilty that dc2 won't have those all day cuddles, both parents bathing him, feeding him, watching and documenting his every move, in my opinion the first year is more important in terms of bonding and quality time than the later years, in your situation I would feel that dc2 was the one who had missed out.

Is not your youngest able to attend nursery too? My DD is 2 1/2 and goes three sessions a week - two with DS of 4y and one alone. DS has more sessions than her so I get 1:1 time with both of them.

Well it wouldn't be that nursery as this one is the school with only one September intake a year.
My eldest is doing afternoons so I guess I could find one for a few mornings a week but would probably mean dropping youngest having 2 hours with eldest before having to collect youngest and drop off eldest to his session so I think the majority of the time would be spent running around :-(
I don't think that my youngest missed out on those things, my son was walking early therefore wasn't all that dependant on me by the time he was born, has always been very independent and keen to do things for himself, my youngest not so much.

My ds is also very independent but I can't snuggle on the sofa with a newborn and let the older child roam around by himself, I need to split my time so they both get input.

Yeah I do get what you mean, I never really thought of that.
I guess before they can talk / express their feelings I didn't really consider it.