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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have bought a sofa before I bought a bed?

30 replies

AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 22:16

We've just moved. We left our old moth eaten sofa behind as it was disgusting and we both agreed that rather than bring it along, we'd get a new one once we'd moved in.

The bed we share is buggered...this has become more apparent as we moved...and it needs replacing too.

Today, I came across a bargain suite and bought it. Having spent the last week trying to engage DH in various sofas and finding him disinterested.

it now transpires that as I knew our bed was fucked, I should have got a new mattress and bed and not a new sofa...he's very annoyed that I didn't realise how uncomfortable he is in our current bed.

Our budget wont run to two large purchases so we have to wait a week for the new bed...he HAD complained a bit about the bed but feck me! If it was THAT bad then he should have acted imo.

He's all "You bought that sofa without asking me what I thought" and I DID ask him and he always went "Hmm....yes...interesting." and watched the footy!

WIBU to make the decision? The bed never occurred to me! We just have nothing to sit on!

OP posts:
Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 22:29

What? Do NONE of you care? Grin

OP posts:
RedPony · 30/04/2014 22:29

Tell him to sleep on the new sofa if he doesn't like the bed Wink

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 22:31

Well part of his complaint is that the sofa of it won't be comfortable to lie on. That's because our sitting room is tiny and anything larger would be silly.

OP posts:
MyPrettyToes · 30/04/2014 22:49

Generally YABU in purchasing a sofa before a bed. We spend more time sleeping than we do sitting on a sofa and I am always astounded how low a priority we put bed purchasing. I suffer from insomnia so when I do sleep it has to be good quality. I would rather sit on the floor and have a decent bed/mattress.

Having said that I am not surprised you just went ahead with the purchase if he was not interested. He pretty much refused to be involved so he can't really complain, on that front YANBU.

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 22:51

toes see...there's the issue. I could sleep on a hairbrush and do in fact sometimes just lie on the floor and fall asleep. DH can't.

I suppose I should have thought about him more....it's annoying though. I'd just buy a cheap mattress and a memory foam topper...he has to have an expensive one...so I have to suck up spending hundreds on something I don't care about!

OP posts:
MyPrettyToes · 30/04/2014 22:58

Had he been willing to discuss it you would have probably come to a compromise that pleased both of you, right? If he is aware that a bed is not all that important to you, refused to engage in conversation about the purchases then he is being unreasonable to complain when you made an executive decision. As much as I love a good mattress I see you point.

whois · 30/04/2014 23:02

Well personally I'd have got for a new comfy bed over a new sofa, but only if I thought the bed was actually bad! Sounds like you have different views on how bad the bed is? Beds are such a personal thing. He should have piped up before if it was bothering him that much.

WhispersOfWickedness · 30/04/2014 23:12

I would go for a sofa over a bed! I bet I spend far more time sat on my sofa than I do in my bed Grin
I do need to be comfortable in bed (I find it hard to get comfy when it is hard, such as a roll mat on the floor or similar) but even I can cope with a mattress on the floor for a couple of weeks Smile

AlpacaPicnic · 30/04/2014 23:14

But you asked him? And he ignored you?
Humph.... He could have spoken up if it was that important. YANBU.

EverythingsDozy · 30/04/2014 23:17

Sofa first. You said you left your old sofa behind and therefore didn't have a sofa. You had a bed. Sofa takes priority! Tell him to communicate better in future!

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 30/04/2014 23:27

That's it....I had nothing to sit on! Terrible as I felt I couldn't ask people round for a coffee or anything!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 01/05/2014 07:37

I would be livid if A large purchase was bought without my input. Nothing to do with the money as such but I would want input into something I am going to have to live with for years.

Chattymummyhere · 01/05/2014 08:26

Sofa then bed... I've had three new sofas and two new beds guess I'm due a new bed but the sofa if per say used more and by more people so makes sence to get that first

Chattymummyhere · 01/05/2014 08:29

That's just this house by the way which we have lived in just under 3 years before anyone thinks I'm a dirty one...

I also fine I spend much more on my sofa than I do my bed last example was

Sofa £1,200
Bed £230

EverythingsDozy · 01/05/2014 09:55

Why would anyone think you were dirty for only having three new sofas and two new beds?! That seems excessive, to be honest, if you've only lived in your house three years!!!

Quinteszilla · 01/05/2014 10:00

Yanbu.

Thats men for you, it starts early. Take my 12 year old. He came home after running cross country yesterday, in his pe kit. He was mucky.

I told him repeatedly, you need to undress, shower, put the kit in the washing machine so I can wash it. Did he listen? Did he engage?

The kit ended up in the washing machine just before bedtime. Not dry this morning. He was like Angry He said "you did not tell me to take it off!" followed by "It was not dirty, it did not need washing"

Eventually "muuuum, I will get detention" Then, a sulky "You need to ensure you manage to engage me"

You need to ensure you manage to engage me

NO! You, just need to make sure you always listen to me!!!!

Harrumph!

Enjoy your sofa. Your dh needs to take responsibility for NOT engaging with you on the matter.

Artandco · 01/05/2014 10:08

I wouldn't be happy. It's a joint thing imo. One might prefer certain style/ fabric and compromise made.

Although I can't remember when I actually last sat on sofa so slightly pointless purchase.

Bed much more important IMO and usually more expensive.

How have you gone through so many beds and sofas though? Do you not think those bargain bulk type places might be rubbish?

Our bed is about 7 years old. The bed about £1000, and mattress £2500! Wouldn't and couldn't replace that every year! It's made such a difference having a decent bed. It's super king size so that bumped up price a bit though

Sofa is about 4 years old and looks new ( despite being white fabric and having x2 children under 4)

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 01/05/2014 10:14

Artandco but I repeatedly tried to show him sofa options...and to discuss the purchase and he never engaged. He also didn't say "But I want to buy the bed first."

So it's his own fault.

OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 01/05/2014 10:15

Everything's that was incase people thought I had bad them tens of years

Original poster
AwfulMaureen · 01/05/2014 10:17

We've been without any seat for ages now....and I said over and over "We need to choose a sofa....look at this one...what do you think of it? Shall I get this one?" on numerous occasions and he wouldn't. Why should I have no sofa because he won't engage?

OP posts:
EverythingsDozy · 01/05/2014 10:19

Chatty - it didn't even occur to me you might've had them tens of years! Grin

lessonsintightropes · 01/05/2014 12:49

Wow Quint your DS sounds a trial.

Coumarin · 01/05/2014 12:59

Chatty You've had a new bed for every year you've lived in your house? Shock What are you doing to them?

If there's only a week gap between getting a new sofa and a new bed then the problem can't be the order which you bought them in. It must be because he wasn't involved in the choosing process. Did you only ask him what he thought once?

Coumarin · 01/05/2014 13:01

I can't actually get over someone buying 3 sofas and 2 beds in 3 years...

EverythingsDozy · 01/05/2014 13:06

I'm quite jealous that she can afford £1200 every year for a couch when I can't even afford to buy an old crappy second hand car (around the £700 mark!)

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