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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy iPads for my children?

74 replies

Kingsfold · 04/04/2014 18:02

They are nearly 12 and nearly 10. Both would like them ("everyone else in the class" has them, obviously. Ahem). I think they should be doing something more interesting with their time, and that the last thing they need to do is loaf around on the internet. Nearly 12 yo would be likely to take root on one, so it would mean arguments about time limits (currently 1 hr per day max on my computer).

FWIW, DH and I have none of these devices (no iPad, no iPod, no smartphone etc), and rather feel that if anyone is going to have one, it should be us before the children.

But are we BU?

OP posts:
usualsuspectt · 04/04/2014 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingToBedfordshire · 04/04/2014 18:07

Yanbu. Totally your call and those are reasonable reasons not to get them.
Yabs (you are being smug). No need to ask this on here, I think you know yanbu.

However, I do think you and your dh could get a lot out of some up to date devices. My tablet and smartphone make my life a lot easier.

hiddenhome · 04/04/2014 18:09

Yes, you are. They're great and very useful.

Your children need to keep up with technology and, if you can afford it, you should buy them something that will help them keep up to date. You don't have to buy Apple products, there are less expensive tablets and phones out there.

Arguments over time limits are just part of parenting.

My ds1 (15) spends his time on the net educating himself about extreme left wing politics and is now of the opinion that he should go and run Cuba Hmm

lottieandmia · 04/04/2014 18:11

YANBU. Presumably they are able to get online at home and they don't need an iPad to do that.

I will not be buying my 10 year old an iPad although we do have one at home.

Faverolles · 04/04/2014 18:12

YANBU, but the majority of their friends probably do have some sort of device.
My ds is 13. Sadly, loads of his socialising is done over his smartphone. If he didn't have the option to do that, his social life would be non-existent.
It's the way the world is going. It's all very well to make a stand, but it could be your dc missing out.

(Not that dc should spend every waking hour on devices, but they do enhance their social lives)

shakinstevenslovechild · 04/04/2014 18:13

My dc have tablets and manage to have a healthy balance between using them, being with their friends, sports, clubs etc.

I would rather my dc learn about internet usage, keeping safe online and responsibility while they are still young enough for me to keep an eye on them and guide them.

JCDenton · 04/04/2014 18:15

Doing something more interesting?

Interesting for who?

Spending too much time sedentary, especially unsupervised with internet access is a valid concern, certainly, but what is wrong with wanting an iPad?

Should I refuse to buy DP the food processor they asked for because it doesn't get my pulse racing?

LtEveDallas · 04/04/2014 18:15

DD has had one since she was 7. She's currently up in her bedroom making a school out of her teddies. Having an iPad doesn't mean sitting on it constantly.

Some parents buy them, some don't, neither way is better - just different.

Nataleejah · 04/04/2014 18:16

Yanbu.

I wouldn't buy for a child. There is an ipad in the house that they can sometimes play on, but not their own.

rabbitlady · 04/04/2014 18:17

get some technology for the family to share.

my dgd is 2yr4mo and has a mini ipad, if that's what they're called. she uses this and her parents ipad and iphones very efficiently. its a life skill nowadays.

hiddenhome · 04/04/2014 18:18

They miss out socially if they don't have these things as they get older. It would be the equivalent of banning the telephone when we were teens. Teens need to make strong social connections and thwarting those connections will just breed resentment.

GinSoakedMisery · 04/04/2014 18:18

Completely up to you what you do/don't buy them.

You'll find though that most of their friends do in fact have a tablet of some sort.

PerhapsNot · 04/04/2014 18:23

I don't mind what you do Grin Really, it's no biggie. They can get them when they are older with their own money if they want. If they already have access to the internet then they are not exactly being deprived.

My DD1 gave hers away to my Dad so he can play Candy Crush as she never used it.

kernowal · 04/04/2014 18:28

My daughter had to save up for her own iPod Touch 2 years ago (but we paid for insurance on the assumption she would lose or damage it). Making her "earn" it her made her look after it and not abuse the privilege of having one.

She listens to music on it with her nose buried in a book. She enjoyed taking photos on it, which resulted in her asking for a proper camera for Christmas. She does waste time playing games, but all 12 year olds do. She's less likely to download something dodgy on my own computer if she's fiddling around on her iPod. We were also able to get away with buying her a basic phone for school, rather than a smart phone, because she has the iPod at home which does all the same things, so she's less likely to get it pinched at school.

I've recently bought a Kindle Fire for myself (as well as having a Kindle Paperwhite). She wanted to fiddle with it, but quickly lost interest and went back to her own device. I do regret getting sucked into the whole "Apple" thing (because they are expensive and you do get locked into iTunes), especially as there are such good alternative products available now, but I think smart phones and tablets are simply a standard product these days in the same way as a spirograph and set of Famous Five books were when I was growing up. Why don't you get one for the family and take it from there?

LoonvanBoon · 04/04/2014 18:33

I've got 11 year old twins. We have one family ipad and a couple more laptops. It seems to be plenty.

They don't have any interest in having ipads - they only ever use ours for homework & to look at a football app. - & they can't think of any of their friends who have them. Out of their immediate social circle, they think about half of their classmates have tablets - apparently a teacher had asked them.

They do have ipods - not ipod touches - but don't yet have 'phones. When they do get 'phones - probably when they're about to start secondary - they will be basic pay as you go ones. DH & I don't have smart 'phones & don't feel the need.

Hard to know if this is typical - fairly middle class area FWIW. I don't think they're remotely deprived & neither do they. If they desperately wanted tablets, they would have to be birthday / Christmas presents & would have to be something cheaper than an ipad.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/04/2014 18:42

I think a family ipad is a nice idea, you can put limits on how long you want your dc to be on them. They are great and useful for school work. Completely up to you of you want to get one or not though doesn't make you a better or worse parent than anyone else.

Philoslothy · 04/04/2014 18:55

My children mostly have iPads, just one more reason that by MN standards that I am a crap Mum. A position I am used to and happy with.

Original poster
Kingsfold · 04/04/2014 19:07

Wow - what a lot of replies. Thanks, all.

This makes for very interesting reading. One thing I was wondering was whether I am the only one who hasn't bought the children one of these things; evidently I am not. But I certainly don't feel smug about it (they both have Nintendo DSs, but have long since lost interest in them). They don't have phones of any description, but they don't need them at the moment.

I certainly couldn't have survived teenagehood without the phone!

I suppose I wonder about iPads as the only things we do have are two big-screen Macs (for work, though the children try to colonise mine).

Family iPad may be the way to go...

OP posts:
GossamerHailfilter · 04/04/2014 19:15

We have one which is for the whole family, DD who is 5 likes an app called Doodle Dandy, DS2 likes an app where you can spell out words and it reads them back to you, DS1 plays tapped out on it.

At the moments its upstairs uncharged and has been for a couple of days. No one is really addicted to it and we have never had to introduce time constraints.

Slackgardener · 04/04/2014 19:18

Our dcs have an itouch and a laptop - they don't want an iPad...it doesn't give them anything new but the itouch is used for making movies they script and act in, recording events, video diaries, listening to music, and some maths games among other things. They use their laptops for writing stories, doing their maths homework, watching films together. It's much more sociable than you'd think. They also enjoy playing instruments, climbing trees, roles play, board games, cooking, reading - you know variety is a great thing.
We limit screen time, we don't find it hard, it's something we've always done whether it's tv or the computer, it's roughly an hour a day.

Ploppy16 · 04/04/2014 19:20

YANBU to not buy them one, especially as it should be you first as you say! Grin
I'm going to go against the grain on one thing though, DS (13)has a phone but rarely uses it, he has access to an iPad and xbox live but rarely uses it for messaging (we have full access). He's not on FB or Whatsapp/whatever by choice. His social life is far from non existent, on fact he has to reign it in on occasion! Not having the latest technological devices doesn't always limit their lives, my social life was certainly full as an early teenager before mobile phones and fb, his is the same. It just appears to involve more walking..
There's nothing wrong with them having these things, they're fab! I love my iPad and will be upgrading to an iPhone soon and I can't wait. It's just not essential.

Ragwort · 04/04/2014 19:26

YANBU - I cannot get my head around the number of children that seem to have ipads on Mumsnet (I don't know any in real life) - half the threads on here go on about making a chicken last a week, the cheek of schools asking for a £ or 2 for non-uniform days and then people think it is perfectly 'normal' to spend £400 plus on a gadget for a child Hmm.

I am clearly in the dinosaur age over this - we have a family computer, DS has a mobile phone, that is perfectly acceptable.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/04/2014 19:31

You do realise that this is not an actual issue, don't you.

How could you possibly be unreasonable not to buy an iPad?

If you want to buy an iPad, then buy one. If you don't, then don't.
It doesn't make you a good parent. Or a bad parent.
Because its not an actual issue.

I honestly don't get it. But I am odd. I don't get all the angst about tv, iPads, playstations, this whole "I limit screen time" thing baffles me.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/04/2014 19:32

Yabu. Can you not resolve this between yourself and your husband?
What difference does it make if people on here say yes or no? Surely you can think for yourself.

Dinosaursareextinct · 04/04/2014 19:33

My DCs are a similar age and have no gadgets whatever. I am planning on buying a spare very basic pay as you go mobile though, for use by the older one when she goes out on her own. It won't be her own mobile though, as I don't think that's necessary. The older one did mention wanting an IPod recently, but she can save up for it herself, as I think it will be a shame when she's in the car with headphones on in a world of her own, rather than listening to cds with the rest of the family and having a laugh over them as she does now.