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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to do this?

26 replies

stillloveholly · 03/04/2014 14:33

both mine and friends ds go to an after school activity but it finishes at 9.30pm. friend lives 2miles out of my way but has asked if i will pick up her ds and drop him home-not sure why she cant do it as other parents come on foot/bikes/with babies ect.
dm and dsil think i should refuse or only offer once in a while but not sure if being unreasonable or not

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2014 14:36

Suppose it depends on why she can't do it herself really. Don't refuse out of hand for no good reason but make it clear it won't be a regular thing or maybe suggest you take it in turns, one week you do it, the next week she does it.

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 03/04/2014 14:36

If you're driving, I would do if. I don't drive so don't know about petrol costs though so maybe she'd have to chip in.

saulaboutme · 03/04/2014 14:37

It's a big ask. I'd be inclined to say no. is there a reason why she can't do it?

Jinty64 · 03/04/2014 14:37

Can't you do it week about or does she not have transport. If she is a friend I would come to some arrangement.

Miren · 03/04/2014 14:38

What do you think you should do?

If your happy to, then why not....just because someone else said you shouldn't?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2014 14:38

A big ask? 4 miles for a friend? Really?

Original poster

stillloveholly · 03/04/2014 14:39

she doesnt drive but dsil thinks she should walk, but not so sure myself a i drive but to be honest am knacked and just want to get home!but happy either way

OP posts:

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 03/04/2014 14:40

One off? Sure fine why not. Chalk up a favour owed.

Every week? Why? Petrol needs including. And how do you tgen miss a week without 'letting down' her?

Think before agreeing x

Original poster

stillloveholly · 03/04/2014 14:42

myself have walked in all weathers with kids when not had a car but not sure as dm and dsil think shes taking the micky-she has never paid petrol and i am always skint as a lp

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2014 14:42

Is she a good friend or just a casual aquaintance.

To be honest, if it were a good friend of mine I wouldn't hesitate to offer - can you imagine in the winter walking kids home at 9.30.

If it's just someone you know casually then maybe a bit different.

Do what you want though, not what your SIL tells you.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 03/04/2014 14:47

If you don't want to do it, then don't.
Just do this first week as discussed with her and don't do it again.
They wouldn't have started going to an activity that they have no way to get back from.

Purplehonesty · 03/04/2014 14:52

I would but then my friends and I often go out of our way to help each other with anything from lifts to childcare.
Would you not be better to have the friend come home with you after school for tea and play them drop them at the club together? That way you only have to go out of your way once at drop off. Just a thought...

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/04/2014 14:55

Where is her house, your house and the venue compared to each other?

What are those 2 miles like? 2 miles driving @ 60 mph takes 2 minutes, 2 miles stuck in dreadful traffic can take an hour.

AnnieLobeseder · 03/04/2014 14:57

Is there another day where it might be handy for you if she took your home DC for a bit, or could she take them to the activity? I can see why you would be reluctant to bring her DC home with an extra 4 miles tagged onto your trip each time, but if you can think of a favour she could do you in return....

ENormaSnob · 03/04/2014 15:17

I think it a bit cheeky to expect every week.

Once in a while not a problem.

InAGrump · 03/04/2014 15:24

I'd do it once

Bifauxnen · 03/04/2014 15:32

I would, if she's a fairly good friend, just cos of the time of night. If I was the friend I would offer petrol money, though.

Ledkr · 03/04/2014 18:12

If you are doing it already then what's the problem unless they live out of your way.make it clear that sometimes things may change if you have stuff on or he's not going.
It would have been nice if she offered petrol but if its on way back it's no big deal is it?

WhatsTheWordHummingbird · 03/04/2014 18:16

Maybe just say "look, if you are in a real jam, call and if I can, ill help out, however I cant commit to it on a permanent basis"

rabbitlady · 03/04/2014 18:17

seriously, it does not depend on why she has asked you. nor are you obliged to ferry her son because you're ferrying hers.

if she can't get her ds to and from the activity, he can't go. that's the truth. you aren't obliged to make up the shortfall in their family arrangements.

if that sounds harsh, i was a lp from when my daughter was four, and there were many, many things we didn't do because we didn't have the money, couldn't get to and from etc. many. and we survived.

rabbitlady · 03/04/2014 18:18

for 'hers', read 'yours'. sorry about that. i was annoyed by her cheek and sense of entitlement.

Timeforabiscuit · 03/04/2014 18:21

does this friend have form for asking and not reciprocating?

Timeforabiscuit · 03/04/2014 18:23

hang on,you're a lone parent - then its a big fucking NO NO NO!

If she was living next door, then maybe, but miles out NO!

AmberLeaf · 03/04/2014 18:24

If I were this other woman, Id be finding something that was both closer to my home and didn't finish so late.

I don't drive, but am very happy to walk to and from places, but I wouldn't fancy a 4 mile round trip with a tired child at 9:30pm.

Are there not buses that go that way? even if so, at that time of night, I would think it too late on a school night to be travelling home at that time.

Its up to you if you do it or not, is she the sort that would pay you back with a child related favour?

Your SIL sounds like a meanie though.

formerbabe · 03/04/2014 18:26

Is it a one off favour or does she want you to do it regularly?

I wouldn't hesitate if my friend asked me because she couldn't make the journey one evening but doing it every week is a bit cheeky, unless you both take it in turns.

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