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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To remind people that he is two

37 replies

CruCru · 31/03/2014 10:00

My DS (2.6) is very tall and has quite an old looking face - plus his new haircut makes him look older. People usually realise how old he is when he starts talking but some people have assumed that he is four and is putting on a babyish voice.

Yesterday an acquaintance assumed that he was mocking her daughter because he mentioned her pink bicycle (he wasn't, he was just interested in the pink bike). I said that he wasn't and that at two he has only really started talking in sentences. Am now wondering if I am being a bit precious.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 10:05

no of course not a woman i knew had a very tall dd and was always telling people her age it must have been hard for her and this person thought your son was mocking was a bit of a twit really

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/03/2014 10:07

No, you aren't.

It is a problem when one aspect of a child's development/growth outstrips the other parts.

With DS2 we are struggling at the moment because his vocabulary and verbal competence are way ahead of his age. He is just three, but can negotiate and find holes in an argument like a much older child - and so when he then has a perfectly age appropriate tantrum/upset it seems like he is being really naughty when in fact he is just behaving his age.

It is tough when you feel like people are judging them harshly, all you can do it remind people how old your child actually is!

Notcontent · 31/03/2014 10:12

I sympathise as I had the same issue with dd. She has been very tall and slim ever since she was a toddler and from 2 years onwards didn't have that chubby faced look that a lot of children have until at least 4.

It was tough because people always assumed she was much older.

VacantExpression · 31/03/2014 10:15

Have the same with my dd, she is 3 but looks 6 and has a speech delay so sounds like a 2 year old- people inpul often assume she is being cheeky when she really isn't.

fishybits · 31/03/2014 10:15

YANBU

People have expectations of children relating to how old they think they are. DD is 2.3, tall and speaks well for her age.

At a group before Christmas DD (20 months then) was playing with a toy when a boy I know to be nearly 4 came over and snatched the toy from her. DD immediately went to take it back which prompted the mother to say to me rather ironically I thought "don't you think that at her age, she should be sharing!" I replied that at 20 months, sharing wasn't on her radar just yet. The mother did apologise and said that she thought DD was nearer 3 because of her height and speech.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 31/03/2014 10:17

YANBU and I feel your pain as I had/have same problem with my DD. People thought she was older than her age (tall, sturdy, good talker and long hair) from the beginning really. got constant comments about her laziness (being pushed around in her buggy), being in nappies, having a dummy, not sharing very well, forgetting her manners, having a tantrum. And that was all before she was 2 and not unusual for that age at all!

ToriaPumpkin · 31/03/2014 10:23

YANBU. I get this all the time with my tall, skinny DS. He's not even two and a half yet but I'm constantly getting asked when he turned three. He's not speaking very well yet either so people think he's being rude/cheeky when he doesn't respond or babbles.

Last summer I was at a group and a girl was following him around, taking toys from him and pushing him. He eventually came to me in tears and I gave him a cuddle at which point the child's grandmother said 'oh, she made him cry, you'll have to toughen up lad!'

Seconds later she told the wee girl off for snatching from a boy I know is less than a month younger than DS. I did point this out but she said nothing. But then I've seen this woman take snacks from other children's bowls if they have something her granddaughter wants...

Sorry. That turned into a bit of a tangent. But basically, you have my sympathy!

rockybalboa · 31/03/2014 10:30

Not at all. I have a friend whose 2nd child is very tall for 2. He looks more like a 4 year old and she is forever having to explain things when he does/says things like a 2 yo, not a 4yo. Must be really tough.

pointythings · 31/03/2014 10:34

YANBU, had this with both DDs - they have always been very tall and very verbal and people have always had unrealistic expectations. Even now they're 11 and 13 it's still happening - people expect DD1 to be taking her GCSEs next year (errr, no...) and think DD2 must be at secondary school already.

Burren · 31/03/2014 10:37

YANBU. Appearance counts for so much in playground parenting situations. My almost 2 year old threw sand at a little girl yesterday in a playground, and because he looks like an adorable, fluffy-haired, chubby-cheeked angel, the parents were far more gracious about it than with another child who bumped into her on the slide. The other boy is exactly the same age as my son, but looks both older and 'harder' (cropped hair, more grown-up clothes).

(I read mine the riot act and made him apologise, incidentally.)

Backtobedlam · 31/03/2014 10:38

It can come in handy though at other times...my ds has been able to do activities and go on rides long before a lot of his older but shorter or younger looking peers!

ThisMorningWentBadly · 31/03/2014 10:42

Used to drive me crackers when ds2 was little. Infact we stopped going to playgroups because of it.

When he was two he could pass for 5. He was very tall and has always had a full head of hair. He is however a gentle giant. So if a child ran into him they'd just bounce off - people would look round and see the big child just stood there and a small child screaming and assume the worst. Also if a child tried to take a toy of him he wouldn't let them but he wouldn't hurt them (he just wouldn't let go). Again people would see two children tugging a toy and the small child screaming and assume the worst.

I've always been grateful that he is so gentle unlike ds1 because otherwise he'd have been lethal.

It's got a lot better as he's got older, we now only have problem with family as there children in the family that are the same age but half his size. And people often forget they ate the same. Things like going for walks, X will get carried but DS2 will be told off for whinging until I point out again that they are the same fucking age. Family members often treat him as off he's the same again as ds1. Grrrrr.

DeWe · 31/03/2014 10:44

If your dc is tall, then people assume they are older and expect the behaviour to go with it.

If they are small, then people can over praise and that's not good for the dc either.

EatShitDerek · 31/03/2014 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey223 · 31/03/2014 10:52

I feel your pain, DS is 27m and tall, people assume he's 3-4 (infact he's the same height as his nearly 5 year old cousin). I mostly ignore the tuts and looks though, about a year ago a woman started ranting at me that I obviously wasn't doing enough to get him to talk

He's a gentle giant though, at play groups other kids often take toys off him and he just cries or walks off

TrinityRhino · 31/03/2014 10:54

Its such a shame that you have to but YANBU

poor dd1 has always been very short and sleight(Is that the spelling)

last year when she was 12 she was buying a drink and I was standing near her ish, waiting on her

the lady spoke very slowly and counted out the change really slowly and one at a time into her hand

I can only assume she though she was 8 and I was letting her buy something for the first time

comicsansisevil · 31/03/2014 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2014 11:03

My son is 5 but looks about 7, I'm small but DH 's side are all quite tall.
It's got better as he has got older but we used to get very judgey looks when he behaved like the 2 year old he was but looked 4!!
From about age 3 I used to get asked why he wasn't at school all the time.

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 11:03

DD1 was an early talker but was a little dot of a girl people used to think she was older but small people have weird perceptions of what little children should be doing at age

MoominsYonisAreScary · 31/03/2014 11:12

Ds1 was a very early talker and very tall, he also had the most awful tantrums that strangers thought he should have grown out of by tge grand age of 22months. He looked and spoke like a 4 year old and was also potty trained.

Ds3 is very tall but only just becoming more verbal now hes just turned 3, I was constantly reminding people, even family members that he was only just turned 2 of course he doesnt like sharing etc hes still learning

MiaowTheCat · 31/03/2014 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onsera3 · 31/03/2014 11:17

YANBU. I really sympathise as I fear this happens to us. DS 17 mo is very tall, 33 lbs and has full head of hair. Size 7 shoes and due for a refit. Strings a few words together.

Many parents seem to be able to work out he's younger and try to explain to their 2/3 year olds 'it's just a baby' when he comes running up to them squealing because he's excited about a toy they're holding or something. The kids generally look terrified of him.

I feel like I have to make excuses for him when we're at playgroups as people expect him to have better sharing skills etc. Unfortunately, he's not quite the gentle giant some previous posters mention so I have to follow him round like a helicopter mum. Before his first birthday I found him towering menacingly over a scared petite three year old under the slide at soft play.

I've heard the problems can continue when they're older and other parents are suspicious about their ages when they tower above the others in sports teams etc.

Maybe we can get little age badges for them!

TheHamster · 31/03/2014 11:17

My younger two have been small- they are now average, but as toddlers, they were teeny little things, looking almost frail. People always talked down for them and praised them for everything (which was annoying as for example, if one misbehaved, I'd be charging over to come and tell them off and ask them to apologise, and the parent would normally assume that they were too young to get that level of telling off/wasn't mature enough when they were). Then DC3 was born, she was big from birth and suddenly expectations were high. She's still being mistaken for DC2's twin and is told off for more, but at least isn't talked to like a baby I suppose/babied.

Bumpsadaisie · 31/03/2014 11:17

I have this with my DS. He is hugely tall. People are surprised that he can still be quite nervous in busy situations and loud places, still wants his dummy; from his size they expect him to be a jack the lad off causing mischief with nerry a look back at mum.

I have to remind people he is only 2 and five months, a baby!

exexpat · 31/03/2014 11:19

I've always had this with my two - both tall for their ages, so people wondered why they were 'still' in nappies or using a pushchair, when they were two but looked at least four.

They are now much older and still look old for their ages, which has its pros and cons. DS is 15 (6ft tall and hairy) and has been getting in to see 15-rated films/over 16 gigs since before he turned 14 without being challenged, and if we are out for a family meal, the waiter often pours him a glass of wine along with the adults (he doesn't object!) - but he also gets asked for adult fares on the bus.

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