In the midst of all the judgey / goady / angsty Mother's Day threads...

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...to spare a thought for all the people who would love to be able to spend the day with their mother but can't, for whatever reason, and for all the women who desperately long to be mothers but for whom it hasn't happened, either yet or at all?

I haven't read them for that exact reason. My mum died in 2005. I have no children, I didn't want any.

The mothers day thread title might as well read: Ashtray on a motorcycle ? Discuss.

It's always a tiny bit of a conflicted day for me because as a foster carer I've spent many hours helping and paying for materials and gifts for children to make presents for their mums.

It's very, very sad to see children making gifts for abusive or neglectful parents who sometimes don't turn up or don't care for whatever reason.

If appropriate dh helps them to make me breakfast/make a card as 'I do the mum type stuff when your mums not here' but sometimes it isn't appropriate.

Dh has very sweetly bought me cards from the cats and dog before with hilarious real paw prints and now my favourite cat has died I really treasure it.

So, conflicted day - and not usually a great one.

to my wonderful mum, I wish more than anything that we could be deciding where to spend mothers day this year, I miss you so much and nothing is the same without you.
op, thank you for this thread my mum died 2012 at the age of 45. to all of those who will find this day difficult.

I know it doesn't greatly effect me but my dad lost his mum over 2 years ago and she meant the world to him. He would do anything for just one more kiss of her.

Laurie this thread puts it into perspective op.

we all miss my darling mil. would love to be showing her my teen dds now as she died when they were tiny.

I would dearly love to see my mum who died just weeks after I became a mum very recently. It is a bitter sweet day for me.

I couldn't handle the first mothers day without my mum. I just wanted to hide from it. My husband made me breakfast in bed and was really supportive.

As an adopted child who is now the mother of adopted children Mothers Day is a bit conflicted. To all who have lost their mums in whatever sense or way enjoy time with your thoughts x

YABU.

Someone's parent being dead doesn't make someone else's parent less of a cunt.

Laurie

Also a foster carer, I've spent a couple of evenings this week helping my young person make a card for mum. They're so excited to see and give it to mum on Sunday, but the chances are, mum won't turn up for contact, she never does. It's so unbelievably sad

Last year my older YP bought me a card, she said it was the first Mother's Day card she'd ever bought

So conflicted here too

for everyone

Plus

I don't see the situations you refer to make any difference because they apply the other 364 days of the year. It's an arbitrary day which in the UK falls on this coming Sunday but in other countries can be a date between February to October.

I am a mother and it means nothing to me. I've also just lost my mother who died relatively young to cancer and Mother's day is still just a meaningless day. My mother thought and my mil still thinks it is nonsense.

Different people have different relationships with their mothers. We should quietly respect that and not browbeat or guilt-trip people who don't adore/miss/love/are loved by their mothers.

to all of you

Oh Laurie, your post made me cry. I'm sure they have a great life with you and your DH but still - those poor kiddies

Thank you all for putting it in perspective.

Thanks for this thread, my mum died in 2006 and never met any of her grandchildren.

I'm lucky to have DS, but I'm feeling a bit 'done' with it all, it's been an assault on the senses for weeks every time I go to the shops!

Thank you. This is the first Mother's Day I will be having without my mum and the memories of last year when she was so ill are so harrowing I can't bear to think of it.

It is now my day I suppose as I am a mother but I know it will be a difficult and sad day with moments of brightness.

I'm really sorry for anyone who has lost a loving mum who they had a good relationship with. That must be hard and especially on Mother's Day. And likewise for anyone who wishes to be a mum.

Those of us who find Mother's Day hard for a very different reason are not intending to rub it in that we have a mother when others have lost theirs. The truth is many of us don't have, and never ever had, a mother in the way that we should have and that other people are lucky enough to enjoy.

We don't have to be at loggerheads - all of us on MN can celebrate what it means to be, to try to be, or to have, a good mum. And for those of you who have/had good mums, those lovely ladies may often have been the ones who played a caring or motherly role to us too - as teachers, social workers, supportive friends and so on.

In memory of the good mums

That's a great post lady and reminds me that as well as the pain of missing my mum I should think about how lucky I have been too.

Thank you Listen. I'm one of the lucky ones who still has my mum and has a good relationship with her, and ditto with my stepdaughter. I deliberately tried to keep the wording of the OP neutral and implicit in that "for whatever reason" are people who can't be with their mum because their mum wasn't/isn't the person they needed or wanted them to be.

listentothatlady I had a good relationship with my mother. I'm not going to miss her any more or any less because it's mothers'day. So no it is not "especially hard" on mothers' day.

What is the point of this day? If you get on well with your mother what need is there for it and if you don't how is it going to make any difference?

LIstenToTheLady -

What a wise post.

To all the people to whom Mothering Sunday / Mothers Day means something - bittersweet or not -

And for all the women who can't be mothers or those who have lost their children.

I do sometimes read MN and think "why can't people just be kind?".

My mum died aged 56 in 2010... Mother's Day has been hard for me since then but this year we've just found out I'm pregnant so I'm hoping, all being well, than next year will be better.