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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to put more on my plate

25 replies

MrsSparkles · 22/03/2014 14:01

DH has hurt his knee, laid up for 2 weeks already, and isn't expected to be fully recovered for another 3 months, leaving me to organise redecoration and a house move, everything round the house and childcare. Alongside my full time job (which is very stressful at the moment as we're in the middle of a major refit), and taking him to all necessary doctor appts and physio's, which are an hour away from my job, so take 2+ hours out of my day.

Last night our agent called to say the tenants who rent our house are moving out, and DH suggested we (i.e. me), go to check the house. WIBU to say errr no - that's what we pay the agent for.

In the normal course of business I would of course go, but I just don't have the time at the moment, and his suggestion was to make time! Err unless he magics up a few more hours in the day, it is not going to happen.

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 14:03

When I first read this I instantly thought you meant putting food on your plate Grin

Personally I would go and check it out for myself but it's up to you of course

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2014 14:08

YANBU OP

But like Nursey, I thought this was going to be about food.

My DH always puts too many peas on my Sunday dinner because he'd rather dump them on my plate, than throw them in the bin Grin

Hope things get easier for you both soon Thanks

MegTheCat · 22/03/2014 14:13

I'd likely prioritise checking the house (as a one off) over something else. eg Can't he get taxis to his appointments? Or ask him what he wants you to drop instead?
We used agents for a while and sometimes they were a bit too nice...Could seem like they were on the tenants' side iyswim so would rather know everything was ok myself.

MegTheCat · 22/03/2014 14:13

I thought it was going to be about food too btw

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 14:14

My mind is centred around food at the moment worra it's not on

Finola1step · 22/03/2014 14:16

Right, so he's laid up because of his knee but not actually ill? Time to reorganise some of the work that needs to be done. Anything that can be done over the phone, on the Internet (e.g. arranging decorators, removal firms, utility companies) is squarely dh's responsibility. If it can be done sitting down, he does it. If not, you do it.

He may need to take a cab to at least one appt to take the strain off you. And with the inspection of your house, find the time to do that - it could save you a whole load if money and work further down the line.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 22/03/2014 14:18

Blimey. Agree with others, phone calls admin and organisation is now his duty. Taxis to some apps. Seriously he's hurt but not dead!

Fathertedfan · 22/03/2014 14:41

If you've rented through an agent, they will have taken an inventory when they did the let. I'd be quite happy to let them do the exit inspection. Also, if you've not done so before I'd suggest doing your grocery shopping online and getting it delivered. I did this when my DH had an accident and was incapacitated for some time. It freed up a decent chunk of my time, and mentally felt like somebody was supporting me (even if it was only Tescos and cost £3.50)!

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/03/2014 15:44

"DH has hurt his knee ... leaving me to organise redecoration and a house move"
I'm another who doesn't see why a crook knee prevents him from picking up a phone?

BlueJean · 22/03/2014 16:07

Good grief .Is his poorly knee affect his brain /hands/ears?

He can and should be doing anything and everything possible to help you . He can use a phone and internet to check details of the house move and to coordinate the agents visit to your other house.Feedback can be made directly to him so he can deal with any problems.

He can help around the house in small ways.Even the biggest knee operation doesn't mean total incapacity for months. The key to recovery is exercise usually as a strong body helps the joint recover. So he can manoeuvre himself into a position where he can fold clothes or even iron. Put stuff into and out of the oven. Move things from one place to another. Im not talking about doing a whole house scrub but simple movements done at his own pace that can help you .

I am talking from experience here as had a cruciate ligament repair and after the initial pain and swelling had subsided I was better off doing very slow bits and pieces. I did have a brace but that helped rather than hindered.I had to be creative about how I did things but usually I managed to do just about everything myself.

Tell him to man up and decide how much he is going to do to help . Then you might have time to do the house check yourself.

Doingakatereddy · 22/03/2014 16:10

Check the house. Check the house. Check the house

We are two thousand out of pocket due to the friends shyster immature fu king good for nothing twats that rented out house

Check. The. House

Hassled · 22/03/2014 16:14

I think Doing wants you to check the house.

I sense that your DH is milking this knee business for all it's worth. Time to get tough - he does all household admin. It's a well known fact that you can pick a paint colour while your knee is injured.

Finola1step · 22/03/2014 16:20

MrsSparkles where are you? I do hope you're not running around after your DH. Crooked knee doesn't = long term break. Not in this house.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/03/2014 16:23

CHECK THE HOUSE!

whois · 22/03/2014 16:32

You have probably paid for a proper inventory to be done via the agency? If so have them do the check out but I would also go and have a look round just for peace of mind.

Not sure why DH can't get taxis to appointments? Can he walk on crutches?

He can at least sort everything that can be done via phone or email.

Original poster
MrsSparkles · 22/03/2014 16:42

Nope - out ordering new furniture :)

Thanks for all the thoughts - I am paying an agency to do a proper check out, but I guess I should go just to make sure. It's an hour away in the opposite direction which is why I've been putting it off!

bluejean - I think he should be up and about but he's so terrified of doing more damage he just won't move, he's basically sat in bed for 2 weeks. Seeing the physio again Monday so hopefully they'll encourage force him to do a bit more.

All the lovely carers out there have my full admiration now, such a tough job!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSparkles · 22/03/2014 16:44

Am just going to put wine in the fridge so all will be well soon.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 22/03/2014 17:20

"he's basically sat in bed for 2 weeks."
The physio will have his guts for garters! Seriously, immobility is the biggest danger, it brings with it all sorts of secondary problems. You've been taking him to doctor and physio appointments, surely that's been pointed out to him already?

Joysmum · 22/03/2014 17:47

Ditto the others from experience, agents couldn't give a shit/fecking useless so do go check your house!

Also for to the others about ensuring DH takes on what he can do.

cheeseandfickle · 22/03/2014 17:55

YANBU.

I would be really pissed off at his suggestion that you "make time"

PurplePidjin · 22/03/2014 18:10

Many hospitals can arrange transport, so he can sit on his arse and google that for starters!

Mordirig · 22/03/2014 18:16

He is taking the piss! 2 weeks!,,,, 2 fucking weeks!
Sitting in bed, he is probably making it worse and his physio will not be happy about it either.
I have learnt from many many years of chronic joint and ligament pain that really you have to just get on with it, you have to do the work to get the problem resolved as quickly as possible, not talking running around but gentle and frequent exercise.
He has no right to tell you to find time tbh especially when he is not pulling any weight.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 18:18

I have had four knee surgeries. Never sat in bed for 2 weeks.

He is milking it.

Wen it was my right knee, meaning I could not drive, I got a bus to appointments.

Choccybaby · 22/03/2014 18:30

By staying in bed he's seriously increasing his risk of developing a deep vein thrombosis.
My husband's has knee surgery (ligament and cartilage) three times and always does whatever he can to help within the limits of his mobility and pain at the time.
Your "d"h is taking the piss

JennyOnAPlate · 22/03/2014 18:32

Make sure his physio finds out he's been sitting in bed for 2 weeks!

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