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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not send ds2 to preschool at all?

34 replies

massivewhinge · 20/03/2014 19:45

He's 2.5, we both work ft so he goes to a lovely childminder.

My sister has just asked me which preschool he's going to and I said he isn't. You'd honestly have thought I'd said I was raising him as a Satanist.

She said everyone goes to o preschool. I said he's happy at his cm, she takes him out with lots of other children and cms and I don't see the point. She then countered that it would save me 15hrs worth of childcare a week, because she doesn't pay her cm (our other sister) while her girls go to preschool. I said that wouldn't apply as I'd still have to pay my cm (and rightly so...). I don't see any benefit to it so don't think we'll send him.

Anyway. My question is, is she right? Does everyone send their 3yo to playgroup/preschool? Are we being weird again?

OP posts:

Indith · 20/03/2014 19:49

If there is no benefit then why bother? Does your CM not do the 15 hours? Mine is able to offer it so if I choose not to send my ds2 to nursery when he turns 3 then I can jsut get it through her anyway.

Tbh ds1 did his 15 hours in private nursery. Dd did 2 terms in preschool because I thought it would work out as I was doing school run by then with ds1 but she wasn't happy and I wasn't happy so she went into private nursery instead (way better as could do 3 longer sessions rather than the 5 morning in preschool where I'd have to turn round and go get her pretty much as soon as I got home). Ds2 will do his at private nursery if the CM decides to send her own dd there for hers. If the CM doesn't then ds2 probably won't go.

Original poster

massivewhinge · 20/03/2014 19:52

I need to find out about the 15hrs, I think it's changed recently so all cms can offer it, not just accredited ones?

OP posts:

Original poster

massivewhinge · 20/03/2014 19:54

My older two went to ft nursery from 2 and 3 (I was sahm before then) so the free hours helped with that but I just don't see the point of asking my cm to take him elsewhere for 3hrs a day. It just seems complicated and unsettling for him.

But apparently everyone goes to preschool and I'm being weird for not considering it .

OP posts:

Forgettable · 20/03/2014 19:57

Lots of CMs won't offer it because the rate paid is woeful and parents cannot be asked to pay the shortfall

Round our way lots do the summer term before school at preschool (convoluted sorry)

Lucylouby · 20/03/2014 19:58

I'm cm and not accredited, but can offer the funding if I want. I don't but the open is there. Childminder may be reluctant as the fee for the 15 hours can be significantly lower than normal fees though.

WooWooOwl · 20/03/2014 20:01

Pre school isn't about childcare, it's about early years education.

If your CM really does do everything that a pre school does, then it's not essential, but it will be beneficial. Even just for getting used to structured sessions before starting school, but IMO there's more to it than that.

You should at least look round the local pre schools to see what they can offer your child. A good pre school is a fabulous place for a three year old, and it's not like he'd be missing out on anything at the CMs. He'd still get mornings doing the groups with her and afternoons doing whatever other activities she provides.

theeternalstudent · 20/03/2014 20:02

The curriculum for excellence begins at 3 years old and at pre-school they will be beginning some of their pre-reading and writing learning as well as numeracy. It also builds soft skills like learning to sit and listen for short periods of time. There is also the advantage that they will get to know some of the children that may be in their primary class.

Of course, if you have a really good CM then they may already be doing this stuff. If not then your child may be starting school already disadvantaged from those who have already began their learning journey.

Thecrazy88 · 20/03/2014 20:03

Maybe I'm misunderstanding this, but why would you need to pay cm for times when she is not looking after your daughter?

Pre school can be good for making friendships with the kids they will actually be going to school with so I wouldn't rule it out completely but as long as she is socialising with other children I don't see why it matters.

Thecrazy88 · 20/03/2014 20:05

Daughter = son, sorry!

AGnu · 20/03/2014 20:09

I'm planning on home-ed with my DC so I don't think they're going to go at all. I've had that look like I've grown an extra head when I say I'm not planning on pre-school. People seem more surprised about not sending them to pre-school than they do about the home-ed! It's made me question why I'm refusing to send them & I do think DS1 might enjoy it, but I'm still not sure it's what we want to do. I'm going to be a SAHM for the foreseeable future anyway so what's the point in shipping them off somewhere else?!

I say, do whatever you feel is right for your family. If other people question it simply state "This is what we feel will work best for us." & change the subject! They'll get the hint eventually! I hope...!

chirpchirp · 20/03/2014 20:15

I think it is completely your choice.

My DS also has a great childminder however he does go to the local playgroup for his five funded session. I still pay my childminder for that time as I drop him with her in the morning, she drops him at playgroup and picks him up and as she couldn't take on another child for that 2.5 hours I think it's only fair that she still gets paid.

Personally I see a big improvement in DS development since he started at playgroup, he's more confident, he's more vocal, his vocabulary is growing at a much faster rate
And above all he loves it. I take him twice a week and on a Seperate note it's been nice to get to know some of the other parents who will be the same ones at the nursery/school gates.

WooWooOwl · 20/03/2014 20:18

You don't have to use all five sessions because that's what you are entitled to, most people I know start with three sessions a week because two isn't really enough to settle, and then build them up to 5 mornings the term before they start school.

HandragsNGladbags · 20/03/2014 20:20

DD1 really came on at pre school, she is a late August birthday and I thought it a good precursor for school. It made it a lot easier for her when she started properly this year.

It all depends on circumstance though. If the cm was able I would ask her to take the dc to pre school. If it would be a logistical nightmare then I don't think it would that big a deal.

areallady · 20/03/2014 20:22

Pretty much all of the child minders round here drop off and pick up at pre-school. Would yours do that?

You will not be out of pocket as you used the free hours, and the completely different dynamic that a play group offers, and your child minder is still paid.

Both of mine went to a private nursery and pre-school, they enjoyed pre-school a whole lot more, and it developed them.

happydazed · 20/03/2014 20:22

I'm not sending my 3 year old to preschool and I'm a childminder, I'm confident he does enough with me and several of the other children i mind are not going to preschool either.

I have seen children who were full time at nursery really struggle starting school and children who were home with mum and never been in childcare settle fine, so I wouldn't worry. I would do whatever you and our child are happy with. reception is getting ready for school I don't see the need to prepare for reception really however a good childminder will be doing all the things a preschool will do and more.

BeerTricksPotter · 20/03/2014 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

massivewhinge · 20/03/2014 20:25

Should say that he is a September baby so it would be a whole year at preschool. Plus at two and a half he's already reading simple words, writing numbers and doing 100 piece jigsaw puzzles so I really don't think he'll struggle at school without playgroup.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 20/03/2014 20:26

your CHILDMINDER will probably do the 15 hours check I am suremost do now my friend does sometimes , it really is up to you if your toddler goes to pre school I do think it beenefits them gettign ready for school etc but it honestly is fine for you not to send him he wont be a social outcast or anything

mrsjay · 20/03/2014 20:26

sorry do not know why i shouted childminder

AppleAndBlackberry · 20/03/2014 20:30

The only downside (assuming you have an excellent childminder) that I can think of is that it might be a bit of a shock for him going from small groups of children in a childminder's home straight into a class of 30 in a state primary. He might find it easier to settle in if he was already used to a 'classroom' kind of setting and also if went to a preschool where some of the children also went to the same primary school.

HerrenaHarridan · 20/03/2014 20:34

AGnu (nice tp name) I have had a similar experience, my mum is supportive if my decision to he but horrified that I'm not sending her to pre-school, go figure.

I know several mums with kids doing the 3hrs a day thing and it takes over their whole life. Tbf they are all afternoons so by the time they're up and at em in the am they've got to be back at 12.30 for nursery, finish at 3 by which time it's not really possible to start a kids activity and have the home in time for tea and bed.

So when I say lets spend the day at the museum they say they can't

There are lots of ways to skin a cat op, just do it what you think is best and then smile and nod

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 20/03/2014 20:35

Does the school he will be going to have a pre school? My dd's does. She goes 3 mornings a week and will be with most of the kids all the way through school.

Also the room is right next door to FS2 (reception) and they have the partition partially open so it means she is used to the hustle and bustle of big school already.

If you can't I probably wouldn't bother but fixing it so that friendships are sorted and they know the building makes starting school so much easier. (For you!)

SquinkiesRule · 20/03/2014 20:43

It won't hurt him at all, my second child stayed home with me till he went to school at 5. He is quite normal, does well with Maths, English and other things, makes friends easily and has a wonderful social life. We used to play educational games, and he'd help me shop and learned to read before starting school this way.
Our third child went to preschool at 4 mainly for the social side, she also learned to read and do maths at home before school at 5.
I think they start far too soon, 2.5 is still a baby, he's learning by playing and interacting at the childminders.

morethanpotatoprints · 20/03/2014 20:48

Hello OP

None of mine went to nursery, cm, or pre school and settled into school no problem.
It isn't essential or necessary unless of course you need the childcare.
In terms of education they'll be fine.

WilsonFrickett · 20/03/2014 20:54

I kept DS in his private nursery as the hours didn't suit for pre-school and he was absolutely fine. No problem with making friends or being structured or anything else. Of course, if your CM is already dropping off and picking up there, then it could be worth while to put him in, but it's entirely up to you.

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