to expect DC's dad not to share a bed with DD (5)

[ViviDeBeauvoir]

First of all, let me be clear that this has nothing to do with the fact he's a man.

My reasons for not wanting him to share a bed with her and to expect him to put her back in her own bed are:

1. He sleeps in a single bed
2. He weighs 20 + stone
3. He drinks alcohol most nights
4. When I used to share a bed with him, he sometimes used to squash me

I am worried he will roll on DD.

He says it is the same as her sharing with me.
I don't agree.
I am BFing and co sleeping with her brothers (1 and 3); I weigh 10 stone, I have a king sized and bedside cot and I don't drink alcohol.
Am I being unreasonable or is it not actually very safe for her to share a bed with him in these circumstances? She is a small 5, if that makes any difference.

She should be in her own bed

She does sleep in her own bed usually, I mean when she goes in during the night.
Its not a good idea, is it?

It isn't.
One of the reasons I coslept without DH was because he is a very heavy sleeper. I once had a broken hand & he rolled on it - I had to kick him and shout repeatedly to wake him, he has also rolled on the dog without even stirring. Alcohol impairs that alertness and with a large man in a single bed there is less room for her to move away from him. Even on the edge she would be too small to move him.

I think it is a risk. It might be small and at 5 I would probably be fine with it if they were sharing a double or if he was awake and just cuddled her to sleep before moving her from the single but I don't take risks because I know how easy it is to fall asleep & to maybe make a poor choice when you're dog tired.

Is there a compromise he would make? I understand it will be hard to hear what amounts to 'I am think you will harm our child' as it feels like you're attacking the intent (loving & comforting) and abilities rather than trying to make a risk assessment. Hard one.

As a bedsharer you're probably very aware of the issues around bedsharing, when it's safe and when it isn't so you probably don't need us to tell you that YANBU. I would have no problem sharing with any of my children, my eldest is 7 and she's my teddy because she's so cuddly and she doesn't move a lot. I always make sure though that I bedshare with the younger ones safely.

In general men shouldn't bedshare anyway because they're not as responsive. My OH is one of the exceptions, all of his babies have slept on his chest with him flat on his back as he is light enough a sleeper to respond to them in that position.

DH sleeps with DS (2) but I wouldn't like it if he were overweight or drinking. DS has been known to wake him up and tell him to go sleep on the couch because "you're squishing me daddy".

Your situation sounds very different and if you're not happy with it, I'd work on finding a compromise (mattress in her room?)