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Original poster

How did you know you wanted a second child?

31 replies

shil0846 · 13/03/2014 14:02

I've just been reading the "How did you know you want children" thread and it got me wondering how people decided to have a second child.

My DS is now 14 months old, sleeping through the night and in a good routine. I'm not sure we could afford another DC or whether I could cope with the new born stage again...but part of me wonders whether it would be better for my DS to have a sibling. How did you decide and is it really easier the second time around?

OP posts:
chattychattyboomba · 13/03/2014 14:04

Currently pregnant with DC2, due May. The short answer is 'I didn't'
There were lots of pros and cons and I (we) did do a lot of weighing up.
I guess we just knew we wanted more than 1 and didn't want to leave it too long. This kind of sped up the. Process, that being said DD will be 3 years old when this bub is born.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/03/2014 14:06

We always wanted more than one. We wanted Dari have a sibling. Once DS got to about 18 months we figured it was about time to try again. After one mc I'm now expecting no.2.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/03/2014 14:07

Dari?? DS. Stupid phone.

YouTheCat · 13/03/2014 14:08

I had no choice. They wouldn't let me just keep one of them no matter how much I protested. Grin

CailinDana · 13/03/2014 14:10

Broodiness. No it is not easier, not for me anyway. I'm glad to have DD and that DS has a sister but I am strung out.

InvaderZim · 13/03/2014 14:10

DD is three and I still don't know if I could face pregnancy, breastfeeding, a nod losing my sense of identity for a year again. Confused

If I could somehow skip all that and still have another kid, I would. (But I don't think adoption is for me.)

PrincessOfChina · 13/03/2014 14:13

I just about feel ready, which is convenient because DD will be out of full time childcare in a year or so, so we'll just about be able to afford one.

YorkshireTeaGold · 13/03/2014 14:15

I always wanted 2+ as both dh and I are onlies and from small families and (imho) it's crap.

Dds are now 2.7 and 5 mths and, while it is very difficult to do the "newborn" bit again, I love that they have each other. I can see it being easier quickly as they'll have each other to play with etc.

I'd really like 3 but they've both been rubbish sleepers while I am bfing and I know I Can't do it again.

Never regretted it though.

deakymom · 13/03/2014 14:27

well i got with a man who was medically proven not to be able to have children Grin thats how i got number 2!

Estrellita · 13/03/2014 14:28

In an ideal world I would love another, but I'll be sticking at one. We have relocated from the UK to a country where maternity leave is at best 3-4 months unpaid. I had horrific spd with my first and was in hospital for much of the third trimester. I don't know how i would manage if that happened again now that I have a toddler to care for and no family support. And I know that families do what they have to do but I wouldn't feel comfortable with a very young baby in childcare.No judgement, just personal choice. Besides, at that age my Dd was still up all night from colic and reflux. So I will be stopping at one and counting my blessings. And making sure that dd has lots of opportunities to socialize and make good friends. Unless I win the lottery and can afford to quit work, and get a nanny in for extra support if hospital, plus top notch insurance. Then i would probable have one or even two more!

seaweedhead · 13/03/2014 14:29

We knew we wanted more than one and decided to just get it out of the way because we knew as ds got older and easier to care for the prospect of having a newborn again would become more daunting.
There's just over 2 years between ds and dd and they play together really nicely most of the time.

Eletheomel · 13/03/2014 14:30

I never wanted an only child, so always wanted more than one - I didn't even think about the practicalities (sleep? who needs it...) I just didn't want DS1 to be an only.

LetTheRiverAnswer · 13/03/2014 14:32

I was definite I wanted two. When ds1 was 18 months I got quite anxious that the gap was going to be '"too big". That, I think, was bonkers. I think I just assumed I wanted a small age because that's what dh and I both grew up with. There is just over two and a half years between them and I've found it hard. Mostly because ds1 hit a difficult phase and was very demanding, but also things like needing a double buggy. Some people get the pay off of them playing together, but its taken ds1 and ds2 nearly three years to learn to do that! With the benefit of hindsight I think three or even four years looks like a good age gap. I suppose my advice would be to not worry too much just yet, there's no rush and you may get a sudden broodiness when the time is right.

violator · 13/03/2014 14:32

DS is 2.5 and I have not felt even a smidge of broodiness since he was born.
Horrific PND probably contributed to that, but I don't think we'll ever have another.

We're happy the way we are, another one would mean I'd have to quit work, which I really don't want to do. I'm 37 too so not like I have 10 years to faff around the issue.

Never thought pre-kids we'd have one child but hey, that's life isn't it? Can't always get what you thought you wanted.

diddl · 13/03/2014 14:33

Well we always knew that we wanted two approx 2yrs apart so started ttc again when pfb was one.

LetTheRiverAnswer · 13/03/2014 14:38

I was definite I wanted two. When ds1 was 18 months I got quite anxious that the gap was going to be '"too big". That, I think, was bonkers. I think I just assumed I wanted a small age because that's what dh and I both grew up with. There is just over two and a half years between them and I've found it hard. Mostly because ds1 hit a difficult phase and was very demanding, but also things like needing a double buggy. Some people get the pay off of them playing together, but its taken ds1 and ds2 nearly three years to learn to do that! With the benefit of hindsight I think three or even four years looks like a good age gap. I suppose my advice would be to not worry too much just yet, there's no rush and you may get a sudden broodiness when the time is right.

Yonineedaminute · 13/03/2014 14:38

I always wanted 3 children so two children was always going to happen if possible.

I had dd a week ago and her labour went exactly as ds's did - she got stuck, it was another horrible labour. Pregnancy was also much harder when i already had another child. And for those reasons I think we are going to stop at 2 (I am currently desperately trying to think of the pros of only 2 kids and telling myself how blessed we are with the 2 we have).

Sillybillybob · 13/03/2014 14:39

We always felt that 2 would be the ideal number for us. Wanted to see how it went first with DS before any final decision! But we both felt that it was important for him to have a sibling, and we didn't feel our family was complete with just 1. I was lucky to have straight-forward pregnancies as well. Of course, everyone needs to do what is right for their family and their situation. We are definitely stopping at 2... I want to get back to my career, DS has health problems which may or may not be ongoing and I couldn't cope caring for him AND a baby (again, my personal view). Plus we can currently afford to do the things we want to do with the children. I think 3 would stretch us too far.

rideawayhome · 13/03/2014 14:40

I was always a bit ambivalent about having children at all. When I had DS I didn't consider having another really. I liked the idea of the convenience of just one, the fact that it's easier to plan things and be spontaneous, and DS has more options open to him as we don't have to plan finances or time around other children as well. I've also been able to get back to having a social life and identity for myself, as well as having lots of sleep and more luxuries in life!

MrsBungle · 13/03/2014 14:44

We didn't want just one child so we went for number 2 when dd was 2. We wanted dd to have a sibling.

LetTheRiverAnswer · 13/03/2014 14:44

Yoninee, i can help! I should probably have mentioned I also have an oops number three baby. No decision there, just carelessness. Three is hard. Never get to spend enough time with any of them. Can't take them all swimming, or out on the bike, more time lugging two non-walkers about. Expense. I love him dearly, but I often think id be a better mum if there was only 2!

Bythebeach · 13/03/2014 14:46

Hated being an only. DH loved being one of three...no brainer for us. And DS2 was the easiest baby imaginable. I love the silly sibling conversations in the back of the car, the puppy like bundling and joint projects of sticks and string in the garden. They bicker like hell too of course. 3 year gap. DS3 much more considered decision....much harder child but right for us!

wildstrawberryplace · 13/03/2014 14:49

I don't know if it is easier second time around yet as I am 36 weeks with DC2. I have a biggish age gap (6.5 years) - I never really got broody but I wanted DC1 to have a sibling. Kept putting it off until I hit 39, when I thought I really couldn't count my chickens fertility wise. Took 3 months until I fell pg.

If I didn't have the age thing against me I think I could have happily put it off for a few more years.

KeepSmiling83 · 13/03/2014 15:00

We're thinking the same thing at the moment. I'm an only child and have always loved it. We have a DD who is 2.8 years and are thinking about trying again in a couple of months. The things I worry about are: lack of sleep, money and (I know it sounds strange) but I really worry I won't love another like I love my DD. Everyone says its ridiculous but my DH has a sibling who is very much the favourite so I know it happens! I also worry we may have twins (not sure why, just a feeling!) which I just don't think we could afford!

RosebudTheCat · 13/03/2014 16:01

I wasn't sure, and DH was adamant we should have another (easy for him to say...!). I wouldn't be without my sister, so in the end agreed with him. Now have DS 3y3m and DD 11m. So glad we decided to have two, they already interact together quite well. Definitely not going for a third though - I reckon once your kids outnumber you it must get a lot trickier. At the moment DH and I can tackle one each when it gets a bit hectic in the evenings.