19 month old sleep training conflict

[Sickandtired14]

We have a 19 month old and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. She has never been a great sleeper. We never tried to hard, going down the 'it'll happen in it's own time' route and slowly slowly she got better. She seems to have reached her point naturally and night times are often a case of multiple wakings where she will not settle unless she is cuddled. This is my husbands fault. We have been bickering for MONTHS about sleep training as I've realised it can't happen naturally if he's always running in there, picking her up and cuddling her back to sleep. She needs to learn to self settle properly. I say let her fuss and cry abit, go in, reassure, maybe at first stay by her bed but no cuddles and over time get further from the bed etc. A midnight gradual retreat. He says we can't due to neighbours. We live in a block of flats. The building has these huge thick concrete walls you can hardly ever hear the neighbours. If they run or drop stuff yes but I've never heard voices or shouting so I don't think it's an issue. He hates hearing her cry, and more then that he really hates losing sleep! So I think these are the real reasons. He says I'm unreasonable for wanting to do a CC/GR and also cos of the neighbours. AIBU? Maybe I can't see it after so long with rubbish sleep.....

You could warn the neighbours? Am sure they will understand if there's a purpose...

Is she out of a cot yet?

A really simple thing, but this worked with my dd - within a few days she slept through (she was 19 months). We made a big thing that we were taking the side off the cot / having a big girls bed, with a quilt etc.

You and DH need to sing from the sale hymn sheet. Some form of sleep training may work but you both have to buy in to it otherwise it'll be a disaster.

YANBU. I have twins. Believe me with two DCs you'll be wrecked if DC1 isn't sleeping through, and if you're going to sleep train her it would be better to do it now than wait till her little sibling is here when she'll be old enough to remember it and associate it with the time her wee brother/sister arrived.

Your DH's practical objections are easy enough to deal with - talk to the neighbours, and buy him some earplugs. Convincing him it's the right thing to do is harder. Maybe buy a book on sleep training - I always recommend people "Teach Your Child To Sleep" by the Millpond Clinic because it was written by UK HVs and the advice probably won't contradict what your own HV says. The way I look at it, it's kinder to just do the sleep training and she'll soon be sleeping well rather than just avoiding the issue until the wee one arrives and then what? In the newborn days I did nights of seeing to two babies 3 times each a night and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And at least I got to rest in the daytime because they were both sleeping all day. You'll have an energetic toddler to keep up with as well.

I don't think it's a case of either of you being unreasonable, you just have different parenting styles. Is there no way you can compromise?

If DH is happy to do the cuddling at night, can you not sleep through and leave him to it?

Could he go away for a few nights and you give CC a go?

Maybe some of the No Cry Sleep solutions would be acceptable to both of you?

I think yabu ( a little bit) just let your dp get on with waking and cuddling and you stay in bed.

We recently sleep trained 14 month old ds ( I'm also pregnant) and it was surprisingly easy, an hour of on/off crying on the first night and then no crying. I think
It's important that you both agree on the method.

This is the thing, I'm getting pretty desperate to have it all sorted before baby makes an appearance!! And his reluctance is really starting to irritate me. The ear plugs sound like a good idea!! I weaned her off night feeds and wanted to coincide the sleep training then but he wasn't supportive as he thought she was too young. I'm going to do it. I just wanted the reassurance that I wasn't being unreasonable!! Thanks all.