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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

car gift or money?

21 replies

jammyjamjam · 10/03/2014 16:49

Hi
MIL doesn't need her car and wants me to have it. It's a one year old Ford, much nicer than my 10 year old fiat. She says she'll find out the value of the Ford and give that amount of money to my SIL so that there's no ill feeling between us. My problem is that we need the money more than a new car. so I would rather she gave me the money instead of the car but I don't know how to say this. dh says I should accept the car. AIBU?

OP posts:
RoaringTiger · 10/03/2014 16:51

Yabu

MillyStar · 10/03/2014 16:51

Yes

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 10/03/2014 16:53

ok I probably am :(

OP posts:
LunchLadyWannabe · 10/03/2014 16:53

Your mil hasnt offered you money.

She has offered you her car.

You cant ask for the cash value of the gift instead of the gift.

picnicbasketcase · 10/03/2014 16:54

I don't think you can turn your nose up at a free one year old car, tbh. It's an incredibly generous offer and she is likely to feel snubbed if you say 'I'd rather have the money'.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 10/03/2014 16:55

She is being very generous.

You have the choice to politely decline, if you don't need the car.

How on earth could you possibly say to someone no thanks, can I have the cash instead.

That would be an outrageously grabby thing to do.

The very very most you could possibly say would be thank you so much, but honestly we are ok with our car. Perhaps X (sister in law) would like it.

Maybe your mother in law will then give you money or maybe she won't. She would be very generous to do so and of course it would be completely up to her.

LunchLadyWannabe · 10/03/2014 16:57

The very very most you could possibly say would be thank you so much, but honestly we are ok with our car. Perhaps X (sister in law) would like it.

This

Only1scoop · 10/03/2014 16:57

Yabu and sound very very grabby. She has made a generous offer....just politely decline....but I don't think you will.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 10/03/2014 17:04

not grabby at all, we're overdrawn every single month and it's a struggle with kids birthdays, school trips etc. I would rather she offered the car to SIL and offered us the cash, but SIL has a brand new car and they've just come back from Bermuda for half term. I know MIL is being kind as she knows we can't afford a good car for me, but I don't think she's looking at the whole picture. An amazing gesture on her part, I know, but we need the cash

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 10/03/2014 17:07

It is a lovely gesture on her part.

So if you accepted the car, would it save you any money?

I assume it would be in better condition, therefore saving you money on repairs? If it's only a year old it won't need an mot, will it? (i don't think??), what about fuel efficiency? road tax?

then you could get a few quid for your old car, even just scrap would be something to put towards your overdraft.

BackforGood · 10/03/2014 17:08

I can understand what you mean - £8000 or whatever it's value is would be a LOT more useful to me than a car. When you don't have a lot of spare cash, then it seems a bit wasteful to spend that much on a car which wouldn't be your priority. I know you are not actually spending it, but, in effect, you will have something there that isn't a priority for your budget. Of course it's nice of her, but not much help to you.

Would you or dh be able to say to MiL. "Thanks, that's a really generous offer, but, tbh, at the moment getting a new car isn't a priority for us - how would you feel if, once you'd given it to us, we sold it and used the money for - either insert what you want it for, or just leave it as 'something else ?'"

ILoveWooly · 10/03/2014 17:09

Just because your Sil is doing well financially doesn't mean your Mil wouldn't want things to be equal. If you don't want the car, or can't afford to insure/tax the car etc then simply decline and thank her for the very kind offer.

Only1scoop · 10/03/2014 17:09

'Not looking at the whole picture' she has offered you a generous gift. She doesn't need to look at 'the whole picture'. If you don't want the car politely decline....

Impatientismymiddlename · 10/03/2014 17:10

If you decline the car she should refuse to give you the cash equivalent. She has offered you a car and as you admit that it is much better than yours the gracious thing to do would be to accept the car. The ungrateful thing to do would be to ask for cash instead.
Are you jealous that your SIL is getting the cash whilst you are getting a car?

HermioneWeasley · 10/03/2014 17:14

Surely the car will save you money? Your 10 yr old fiat must need a lot of repairs and if you need a car, this means you'll have a reliable car for years to come and not need to worry about replacing when the fiat starts to cost more than it's worth.

You're certainly not worse off for having it.

BackforGood · 10/03/2014 17:16

Am I the only person on MN who actually talks to people in our family ? Confused
Why on earth would nobody else have a chat with them about it ?
It's a bit like the thread where the OP was complaining that the rest of the family had eaten all the veg at Sunday dinner while she was feeding baby - THIS IS YOUR FAMILY - surely you just talk to people, no?

Not that it's going to happen but if my MiL offered that, I'd have a chat with her (or dh would), thanking her profusely but explaining what would be more helpful. In what way would that be awkward or rude ? This is your dh's mother.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/03/2014 17:21

If she gives you the car you can always sell it, but that might cause bad feeling. The will almost certainly be more expensive to insure than your current car. So, you may not be able to accept it if you are already living slightly beyond your means (that sounds like I'm accusing you of being profligate, but that's not how I mean it). Do your sums, prudently, a one year old car may cost more in insurance but will likely have lower running costs (though why is MIL getting rid of it? Is it a lemon?). If you can't afford it you may just have to tell her that, otherwise accept with good grace.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 10/03/2014 17:21

God no. My mother in law?

Thanks but I'd rather have the cash?

I can't imagine ever saying that to my mother in law. Ever. And not cos she's nasty. She's a lovely woman. But please give me thousands of pounds instead of the car, thanks v much... ?

I'm having cold sweats just thinking about it Grin

Impatientismymiddlename · 10/03/2014 17:23

Sometimes newer cars are cheaper to insure due to having additional safety features. They are also sometimes cheaper to tax and run due to being more fuel efficient.

Original poster
jammyjamjam · 10/03/2014 17:24

I wouldn't dream of asking her to give us the cash, I just wished she'd offered it to SIL and gave us the cash, which is what is going to happen to SIL. Not jealous of SIL at all but they are quite well off, kids at private school etc so £8000 is not that big a deal for them whereas for us it is a huge deal. I think I'll accept it and be very grateful, which I am, but I'll have to completely forget about the lump sum sil is getting which would come in very handy to us, but I do realise it's not SIL's fault that she's getting it. I don't know, anyway thanks for your input, it's all a bit clearer

OP posts:
Original poster
jammyjamjam · 10/03/2014 17:26

Actually, good point about checking out how much it would cost to insure it. If it's much more than I pay now we simply couldn't afford

OP posts:
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