for now feeling like a crap mum?

[tryingmybloodybest]

Perfect father (ex-OH) of my DS just flounced off in a grump.
DS is 13, is in lower sets for most subjects but is articulate, and bright, just not very studious (has ASD) he wants to be a teacher.
he is forecast to get 5/6 gcse exams. I am just focussed on helping him improve at school etc .
his dad has had a go at him this weekend saying I should have been looking at entry requirements and different colleges etc
I know for teacher traing you need maths and English and science then a degree, but flipping heck, it's challenging getting his class/homework completed.
feel like shit now. ex hasn't a clue what it is like day to day with school work etc, he has fun alternate weekends and few holidays a year.

why do you feel like shit because your ex suggested he/you should be looking at post 16 options?

how old is he?

anyway learn to ignore the ex

Please ignore your ex. Your DS needs to be supported and helped exactly as you are doing at this very difficult stressful time. I really feel for those taking GCSEs there is just soooo much work.

You are NOT a crap mum :) you've heard it on MN and that is official.

Why is it your job and not his?

Oh come on, you know the realities, he clearly doesn't. So why are you letting his opinion effect how you feel!

Are you doing as much as you can to help your child? Yes?

Do you know if there are areas he needs help with? Yes?

Then he can fuck off as far as it is possible to fuck off, then fuck off a little bit more!

Take no notice!

you sound fine and he's 13 so a bit young yet to be thinking post 16 options.

choosing the GCSEs is obviously the first step and he should choose those he is strong in and interested in.

passing them is the first hurdle. he can look at options then.

your ex is perhaps trying to push your ds. no harm in telling a teen that if they want to achieve a goal they have to put in the effort.

however the telling should be positive not negative.

and of course you arnt a crap mom. but we all think we are sometimes.

thanks. ex just always (subtly) points out if I was "tougher" on DS his schooling would improve. sometimes I start thinking , what if it is me not pushing DS enough. He has boundaries and rules, but re-iterating them 24/7 is bloody soul destroying sometimes, i get fed up of the sound of my own voice!

but, heck he is only 13.

DS responds much better to positivity. His dad didn't even say goodbye to him today:(

my daughter is 13 she is planning her after school career choosing where she will go! i really wish she still liked barbie sometimes

really op your doing all you can totally sympathise with you xx

Why is it up to you to do all this ? If your ex feels so strongly about it, why doesn't he help out your DS with school stuff too ? Just because your DS (I'm assuming) doesn't live with him full time during term time, doesn't mean your ex can shirk off responsibilities like this.
He's his father, is just as responsible for your DS as you are.

Oh and you sound like a great Mum OP

You know your son best, and how to motivate him - you know he responds best to positivity. Your ex wants you to be tougher...it's a fine line though isn't it, getting even tougher could send your DS the other way, i.e. total rebellion to schoolwork.

Sounds like your ex wants to appear to be one step ahead when actually you are the one doing all the day-to-day legwork.