...for being confused about party etiquette??

[ridingthewave]

Earlier this year my DD turned 6 and we decided to have a (really) small party at home with just her 4 close friends. There were lots of reasons for this, including wanting to 'go back to basics' with the whole party thing and just do something more personal at home. I guess I find parties for the whole class a bit over the top, but I do understand that some people love it (and can afford it!).

The thing is...am I being unreasonable to accept other people's invitations for DD to go to big class parties - ie if we won't be reciprocating? We'd of course take a present but I just wondered if people out there who go to the effort of having big parties get peed off when the invitation is not reciprocated?

Thanks for any insights on party etiquette!

If they do get pissed off, they shouldn't be having parties at all. You don't invite people to a party with the idea that they have to invite you to one. Life just doesn't work that way. You invite people to parties because you want to celebrate something with them.

We used to do smaller parties at home, but we now do the whole leisure centre/village hall type + entertainer parties. Not because we want to do what everyone else does- purely because it makes for less hassle, and we can afford to. But I miss the homemade parties.

I honestly would never be able to keep track of who invites who vs gets invited back. I tend to let my DCs say who they want to invite and I don't keep any record of whose parties they've been to!

For the sake of argument, if I were to realise that one of my DCs had not been invited by someone who we had had to a party, I wouldn't be at all offended. If my DCs were upset by it, I would tell them that every individual chooses who to invite to their party, and that they probably have very good reasons for making whatever choice they have made.

Sorry....seem to be struggling to string sentences together this evening, but what I'm trying to say is YANBU!

you would not be unreasonable no. I wouldn't bat an eye....any sensible person knows that budget and all kinds of things make people have a small party. It's not personal.

Thank you, that's very helpful. Think I've been getting too paranoid and appreciate these well-balanced replies!

What if everyone does this, and your child is the one who is never invited, even by the four children you thought they were close to?

I guess if everyone in the class had small parties then there would always be some left out - but hopefully every child would get a few invites over the year? Yes, it would be upsetting if my DD never got any invitations!

I think it's unlikely that they'll never get invitations elsewhere. Sure, it's possible...but really unlikely! For starters, whole class parties are not uncommon, in my experience. It's not something we do, as we prefer our DCs to invite the children they know and like and play with. Usually 10-15 or so, depending on capacity of the venue. But mine have both been to several whole class parties.

My dd is 6, ww had 10 to her party in november. I reckon since september she has had 3 or 4 invites? I couldn't evem tell you who they were from!