Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

[EasterHoliday]

Has Gluezilla bred already?!

[travellingwilbury]

If that was my best friend I would have flicked her forehead and told her "bitch you be crazy"


This , perfect

[shewhowines]

You will get the blame definitely, when it all goes tits up. She has absolved herself of any responsibility there. She has clearly delegated the policing job to you.

You must speak up now or your friendship will not survive
A. She will fall out with you for not keeping everyone in order.
B. you will resent her for making you do a fruitless task, and suffering everyone else's wrath.

[AreYouBlueOrAreYouBlind]

"I know I wasn't strong enough and should have just said no to the invite/helping/telling kids no but I'm a pushover and can't say no.
I know I need to be straight with her and I'll just have to try."

Please, lose the pushover label and tell her no, no you won't be policing other peoples children at her party, no you won't be informing people their older children won't be welcome to use the play facilities provided. No you won't be making a fecking banner.

She is so setting you up to be the bad guy here. If you make that banner it'll look like you condone it, and if it goes tits up she'll tell everyone it was your idea.
She sounds a bit selfish, she has one PFB and if I've read correctly you have three, plus one on the way. How have you got more time than her? In what universe does that make sense?

Just say no.

[snailhunter]

Tell her you have thought about how you're going to keep the older kids off the play area and you will be bringing the following:

1. A crack squad of eight-year-olds armed with Nerf guns, stationed around the perimeter of the play area with orders to fire at will
   
2. 50 metres of barbed wire to surround said play area
   
3. A decoy bouncy castle which will emit bright green paint and smoke if a child older than one comes near it, in the manner of one of the Securicor boxes
   
4. A huge banner with a picture of Freddy Kruger off of Nightmare on Elm Street pointing down and leering with his burnt zombie face, featuring the slogan 'ONE, TWO, CROSS THIS LINE AND FREDDY'S COMING FOR YOU'

[GlaikitFizzog]

Wait, she wants a banner, like a sign, saying no over ones? I thought you meant you were to be the one to enforce the ban?

She is waaaay past PFB.

[PedantMarina]

Lawdy me, Gluezilla got pregnant fast after her Save the Date to decorate wedding last year! If this fred is anything to go by.

completely missing the point-icon

[firstchoice]

DONT agree to be the bearer / enforcer of the bad news that none of the older ones can join in.
It WILL go wrong and she WILL blame you and your friendship will take a hit.
Tell her to tell her NCT 1yr old friends / 'put it on the invites' and step back.
Let HER state her 'party rules'.
Go, and try to help her when it all goes wrong.

I knew nothing about parties when mine were small but I hope I would have listened more than your friend seems to be listening to you as you are much more experienced and you ARE trying to help her.

Step back, go and be kind, and watch her have a VERY BIG drink afterwards

[WoTmania]

Personally I just wouldn't go, or would go on my own and leave DC with your DH. Sounds like hell for you and your children. I have similar age gaps, just a couple of years on and I would struggle to stop my DC joining in NOW let alone two years ago and heavily pg at that.

[OkieDokie]

We're meeting for lunch today so will have to have another word and if that doesn't work I'll send her this link.

I just don't want to lose her as a friend. I know she's being a cow but I'm really hoping it's temporary as she was such a great friend for the other 18 years and I love her to bits.

Thanks all :)

[travellingwilbury]

I would really consider not taking my children at all , yes she might realise in a few months /years how crazy she is being but I think you might be under estimating how pissed off and upset you are going to be after 4 hours of keeping your 2 yr old away from all the shiny stuff .

If this friendship is worthwhile to you and you want to keep it I would maybe go on my own to help out but I really wouldn't put my children in the firing line of this . It just sounds weird .

And pass the parcel for 1 yr olds is just cruel , Oh look at this shiny present you can't have , and listen to the music that I am going to keep turning off . As I said , weird .

[bodybooboo]

ok you know what you have to do op.

get your dh to take your kids so they don't go.

you go, develop a bad back so you just have to sit down and rest, you are preggers blah blah.

then watch the fun ensue, come back and let us know all of the details.

sorry if that's mean but really she's a bloody rude daft loon and have heard some pfb crap in my time but never as bad as this.

[Pigsmummy]

I can understand her fear of older children being too boisterous for the soft play with babies tbh its why soft play centres have separate areas....

However as she has invited older children too needs to come up with games/activities for them or not invite them.

[bodybooboo]

oh yeah and if she wants to tell the parents of older kids to keep off the soft play just let her.

if she asks you to police this just stare at her and say 'really seriously are you actually joking?'

[shewhowines]

Good luck persuading her at lunch I so wish that the friend won't listen, so that we get to hear how the crazy party panned out

[TinyTwoTears]

You have told her nicely that the party won't work. She obviously doesn't or doesn't want to understand.

At this point I would be telling her that you aren't going to because at 7 months pregnant it will be too physically and mentally wearing to police yours and everyone else's kids.

I would also tell her that she must stop getting your DCs all excited about the party because its not fair to raise their expectations and then snatch it away again.

And if she still doesn't get it, I would tell her she is deluding herself and not a good friend to put you under this much pressure.

Actually I am a bit of chicken and wouldn't do the last one ;)

[gamerchick]

Send her a link to the thread.

You are aware the way she's planning this may mark the end of your friendship don't you? And she'll have to make the most of it because everybody will avoid her parties like the plague.

I assume she'll expect gifts but you can't invite little kids and expect them to sit and watch.. The makes you look like a knob.

[meditrina]

Oh dear!

Having soft play just for the littlest ones has a certain logic, but only works if there is a good range of interesting stuff for bigger children. And 4 hours!

I think your best course of action now is to have DH take your elder 2 somewhere nice, and you go with just your 2 yo. Tell your friend that (being pg and all that) it'll take all your concentration to keep DC happy when excluded from the main party activities and you will not be able to police any other children on the day. Also, as you are not the host, you don't think it is right to pass on information about the party in advance as she (the host) will be better able to deal with any follow up questions.

Banner - up to you, really. It's a way of being helpful, if you want to be.

Please do let us know what it's like if you do go.

[MummyPigsFatTummy]

This is but also hysterical. I am amazed the face painter has agreed to paint 1 year olds faces. We were told they generally didn't do them before 3 because they tend not to sit still - the last thing you want is for a baby to move and get a paint brush in the eye or something. How many parents will really want their 1 year olds faces painted?

Also do all the other parents who are bringing older children know that there will be nothing they will be allowed to do? Because if I turned up at a party with DD who is now 4 and she wasn't allowed to join in, I would go home (leaving as politely as I could obv) even if I also had a 1 year old with me, as only the older child is going to care if they are at the party or not.

This is madness and I would definitely take a step back and, if you do feel like you have to stay to support her, I would definitely have DH lined up to collect the children when they start to realise how dull not being allowed to join in actually is.

Fingers crossed, when the day actually arrives and she realises what she is asking of the older children and how little 1 year olds can actually do, she will stick them in a ball pool and let the others take over everything else, and everyone will be happy.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

Please, please, pleased don't send her a link to this thread! On it, you have called her a bitch and a cow, and I know you're just talking about this one issue, but do you really think your friendship will stand that?

[ReadyToPopAndFresh]

yanbu

[gamerchick]

She doesn't really have the first clue how parties work does she.. is she not aware that everybody leaving happy having had an awesome time means it was a success?

[PedantMarina]

And OkieDokie, you should change your NN (and your demeanour) to BitchAreYouOnGlue.

Just read the bit about the banner! FFS.

[TSSDNCOP]

I'd send my own kids off with their father for a day of epic fun and McDonalds. I would not have my kids told not to join in at anyone's party, and having to sit down sad faced for 4 hours.

Then I would go, fnd a comfy chair and a cupcake, and watch the carnage unfold. Which it will. Like a veeerrry slow car crash.

I am PMSL at the decoy bouncy castle though.

[nobutreally]

Honestly, OP, I wouldn't show her the thread. I don't think she'll thank you
Obviously, she's bonkers, but if you want to hold onto the friendship, this is what I would do.
I would say:

• Look I get that you are nervous about the older ones dominating/taking over (or whatever). But the best way to stop that happening is to keep the older ones busy & occupied. Colouring a banner for 4 hours is not going to do this. We need to sort out some games for the older ones (If I was you, I might volunteer to do this. You've probably got board games/craft stuff/lego/playmobile?)
  
• You also volunteer to man the older kids tables/try and keep the older ones busy.
  

-but SHE needs to let anyone know who's coming with older kids that they won't be able to participate in certain activities - and what these are. YOu can't be manning the older kids activities AND patrolling the bouncy castle AND the facepainting AND the bouncy castle. Keeping kids off stuff is the parent's responsibility, you can't take that element on. Plus, I would tell her that some people may prefer for their older kids to only come for a bit if they won't be participating in some of the party games, so it's only fair to tell them. She must see that, surely...??

Maybe suggest that if (when) the little ones get tired of the facepainter, the older ones can take over. This will happen in 10 mins, so that one will die a death anyway.

If she doesn't go with that, I'd contract 24 D&V.