Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

[ILoveWooly]

YANBU and I certainly wouldn't be making any excuse or ' saying as you're pg, it's too difficult to keep your kids off stuff so you are not going to bring them. go alone'.

I wouldn't be going and I would tell her you can't possibly bring your children to a party they are excluded from. My DD(2) is often the same size or smaller than many one year olds.

One day she will cringe at her behaviour or be hurt her child is excluded.

[TheJumped]

I'd go and take your kids - she'll realise within 5 mins that she can't ban over-1s from joining in, and will hopefully just feel a bit silly and go with the flow. If yours were the only over-1s I wouldn't, but it sounds ridiculous. Have you pointed out to her how it won't work?

[Gladvent]

Aw she just doesn't know what older children are like - she will learn! Tell her your 6, 4 and 2 will be helpers - keeping the little ones safe, gathering up wrapping paper etc.
Then on the day it will all be one massive bun fight just like every proper kids party ever anyway!

[cobaltcow]

God, my PFB's first birthday was another 2 one yr olds and a few of our friends sitting in the garden drinking wine and beer. Was more adult orientated than child orientated as they are just babies and couldn't even walk yet.

[CloverHeart]

Well, good luck tying to get any 1 year old to sit still long enough to have their face painted.

YANBU - She will learn when your kids and all the other 2+ year old's get there that what she is asking is just not feasible.

[SnowHOHOboarder]

This is aaalllll going to go wrong. I know she's your BF but I'd almost be tempted to go, sans kids (since they can't join in anyway) just to see.

I have an almost 3 year old and an 18 mo old and possibly only the 3 year old would 'get' the pass the parcel and I know neither would be keen to have a stranger paint on their face.

Here's what I predict will happen - there will be an absolute shitstorm when she's trying to get the 1 yo to do the organised activities and the older children will be the ones who make use of them - while your friend goes bonkers!

I can't believe she seriously expects little children to just sit at the side and watch. I hope this will be the kind of thing she feels terribly embarrassed about in years to come.

[saintlyjimjams]

Well yes, the ironic thing is she's putting on a party that would be great for pre-schoolers & infants - but banning them & only allowing babies who at best won't appreciate it and at worst will hate it.

[Floggingmolly]

Good luck to her with her pass the parcel for one year olds!! Don't even consider going; taking your kids to a party where they're not allowed to join in is the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard.

[Bithurt]

I got my ds face painted when he turned 1. I ended up with a (smudged) flag on his cheek as he wouldn't stay still long enough.

I'd say something to her as well. And if she doesn't change her mind say you can't go.

[notso]

I wouldn't go. It's not fair on your DC, my sisters first birthday was with all the other babies from the post natal ward. I was the only sibling, all the others were PFB's. I wasn't allowed to play any of the games, I just had to sit and observe. It was crap.

[Nanny0gg]

Hope none of the one year-olds are allergic to face paints...

You'll have to tell her it's unfair to older ones (especially the 2 year-old!) to just watch and if she insists that it has to be that way, then you'll have to decline.

[OkieDokie]

My husband thinks we shouldn't go and I can see where he/everyone on here is coming from but she really wants me there. I've been friends with her for 19 years and seen each other through highs and lows and probably in a few months/when her DS starts running everywhere she'll realise how silly she is. I have tried nicely saying it but she's very defensive and thinks that the party should all be about her son. Whilst I agree he should be the focus, I think she should make it as pleasant for everyone going.

They're not short of money and I've suggested a craft table or I've got a big garden Jenga/connect 4 she can borrow but she said they weren't needed as the soft play takes up a lot of room.

I can understand how an 8 year old and a 1 year old wont be safe and my eldest would probably be ok with it, not so sure my 4 and 2 year old would be though.

She said there will be a buffet and she'll put out some balloons but she expects them to sit nicely/talk/eat for 4 hours.

It's not even just my kids as she wants me to tell others that their kids can't use stuff and make a banner? As I said she's a tad loopy!

I just wish she wasn't so close to me as I could be I'll or something. The other thing is she's been getting my kids excited and we spend a few hours with them every weekend and my kids adore her DS, aarrgh.

I'm thinking I may just email her a link to this thread and hopefully she'll see sense :).

[Groovee]

You do realise that we want an update on said party once it's over?

I think she's got no clue about 1 year olds and how they should just have some toys and crawl or walk about. But excluding all the others is quite sad.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

Why is she bothering hiring a room and inviting any child over 1? Pointless.

I'm another who wouldn't go and I would tell her that I'm sorry, but a party is supposed to cater to everyone invited otherwise don't invite them.

She sounds like a loon.

[Groovee]

Okie, you could always go to the party and sit back and enjoy while your dh does something fun with your children. She can tell the other invited children that they can't have any fun for 4 hours!!!! I had a tea party for my dd's first birthday. There was her and her cousin born the same day, 2 friends babies and a friend's toddler and that was it. We had lots of balloons and a little tykes slide and they were happy while the adults got to come and go as they pleased for 2 hours.

[Nanny0gg]

If you're that close you should be able to speak frankly and point out how unfair she is being.

I know it's her child's party but just because she wants you there doesn't mean you should be. (Unless you leave your children at home and go and help)

It's not even just my kids as she wants me to tell others that their kids can't use stuff and make a banner? As I said she's a tad loopy!

I wouldn't call that loopy. She knows she'll get flack and she wants to avoid it by using you.

Sounds like an afternoon of misery to me.

[DontAskIDontKnow]

4 hours!

[saintlyjimjams]

she wants me to tell others that their kids can't use stuff

I think at that stage you should have raised your hand and said 'NO. I've listened to this loopy idea over the last cup of tea, but there is no way I am having anything to do with it. If you want a roomful of small children to stand around watching babies crawl over party equipment they're not allowed to touch- YOU tell them. Don't involve me in your craziness'.

Then say nothing more....

[Nanny0gg]

Oh, and one of my DGC had a softplay party in a hall for the first birthday.

There were all ages there (hardly any 1 year-olds!). There was room for a football goal, and the older children were really careful with the littlies and the parents were vigilant.

All had a lovely time.

[CloverHeart]

If you aren't able to cancel on her then, just go, grin and bare it. Sit back and watch as she loses her shit while all the other kids get stuck in and, when she comes to you asking why, simply say "I told you so".

I'd also get her to do her own dirty work and tell all the other parents their kids can't play when they are there.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

4 hours for a kid's party!

[Katinkia]

4 hours?! Bloody Hell that's a long time.

[plantsitter]

Look at it this way: as her best friend, you can't sit back and watch her party turn into a full-scale little kid riot when they realise they're not allowed to do anything, and have people slagging her off for the rest of eternity.

You should tell her to uninvite kids over 1 or let everyone do everything, and be quite clear about the chaos that'll ensue if she doesn't.

[Floggingmolly]

4 hours!!! You cannot take your kids to a party they will be actively excluded from for 4 hours, just to avoid upsetting your friend.
How could you even contemplate it??
That party is going to explode right in her face.

[formerbabe]

One year olds can't play pass the parcel...that will become obvious from the start! They also are unlikely to keep still enough to have their face painted (or give a toss about it).

And..who on earth hires caterers for a one year olds party?! You must mix with much posher people than I have ever met!