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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

414 replies

OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 08:09

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

OP posts:
ChazzerChaser · 24/02/2014 10:22

Concur with what other people have posted, but in addition I think you need to think about looking out for her as a friend. Is this out of character? It sounds awful to be in a situation where she feels she has to do this stuff to keep up with others. Where are her true friendships? Where are her sources of genuine support? Of course it might be this is her bag and she is loving every minute of competitive parenting, or it might be her mental health is taking quite a hit and she's caught up in something she doesn't want to be, leading to odd behaviour. Clearly I have no way of knowing. But she needs you as an old caring friend if it's the latter. By which I mean helping her get back to normal, if this isn't normal, not facilitating the weirdness.

TSSDNCOP · 24/02/2014 10:23

You could do the banner MN style though:

Toys not just for 1 year olds

poppins30 · 24/02/2014 10:23

Just wanted to say some of the descriptions of 1 year olds playing Pass The Parcel were hilarious.

They really will sit (if she can get them to sit and not crawl off) bewildered as a shiny wrapped present is handed to them then taken away. There will be some very unimpressed babies!

I would go just to watch the sheer chaos unfold.

bodybooboo · 24/02/2014 10:23

not sure face painters actually paint under 3s do they?

cobaltcow · 24/02/2014 10:23

You'll send her link to this thread but can't actually tell her to her face as you think you'll upset her and damage your friendship - Ooookay!

bleedingheart · 24/02/2014 10:25

*Don't send her a link to the thread!' Guaranteed to kill the friendship.

I don't get why you have to have had a child of a certain age to be able to understand what a batshit crazy idea this party is. She knows your children so surely she can make a leap to understand what they'd expect at a party.

She shouldn't invite older children if she doesn't want them to participate.
I'm sure she has been a good friend in the past but an OTT party, ridiculous rules and you feeling unable to speak up independent of MN makes me think she's a bit of a dick really.

Tell her you can't go and supervise your children while pregnant. That the two year old won't understand the rules. Or can you go on your own without them?
Someone in her family should've told her she was making a mistake but maybe it has to be you.

CSIJanner · 24/02/2014 10:25

YANBU

"apparently it's in my best friend duties"

Like a chief bridesmaid? What the hell was she like when she got married?

I hope she does see sense as at the moment, she's choosing her new friends over a pregnant friend who would get the flack. Has she always been keeping up with the Jones as this?

Electryone · 24/02/2014 10:26

snail that's hilarious especially the Freddy Krueger bit!

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:27

Pedant I don't know what you're on about? I've been a regular poster on another name but changed my NN, but I've never used the name Bitchareyouonglue?

OP posts:
GlaikitFizzog · 24/02/2014 10:28

Okie, it's reference to another thread, you had to be there Wink

Floggingmolly · 24/02/2014 10:28

Why in the name of God would she want you to act as a bouncer to any over one's who might get confused and assume they're actually invited to the party?
As least, I can see why she'd rather not do that herself (Hmm); but why are you even taking it seriously??
You sound as daft as she is, tbh, to be shilly shallying and wondering what you're going to do...

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 24/02/2014 10:29

and after about a second she'll realise how insane it is that children aren't allowed to use the toys and will be runnning riot. Also the one year olds will hate the soft play stuff and the face paint.

ben5 · 24/02/2014 10:31

Good luck. She's mad. Another one thinking you might not be able to have 1 year olds face painted

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:31

Oh and I'm really confused as I've never mentioned my friend before. So this NN has been linked to another account?

Don't even give me nightmares about a wedding! They aren't engaged yet but a few months ago her partner was talking to me about proposing and different ideas he had.

OP posts:
cobaltcow · 24/02/2014 10:31

Does she use Mn - this is all quite identifiable - but you'll be ok as you have name changed.

Whowouldfardelsbear · 24/02/2014 10:31

What is she doing for party bags? If she only has party bags for the one-year-olds I can foresee even more tantrums and tears at the end.

She really will look back on this and cringe if it goes ahead in this style.

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:32

Oh that's ok then :)

OP posts:
formerbabe · 24/02/2014 10:32

I agree you shouldn't show her this thread!

She obviously has this idealised view of how her baby's party is going to be!

Her Expectations:

Lots of smiling happy babies playing the games properly, while any child aged 2 or over sits nicely with their parents enjoying the catered food and smiling at the happy babies!

The Reality:

Over tired babies running all over the place while stressed out parents drag them back to the pass the parcel! Older children screaming/legs kicking being dragged off the soft play by even more stressed parents! Upset older children pleading to have their face painted while parents try to explain they can't.

Hell!

bleedingheart · 24/02/2014 10:33

Just say no and don't go. The fall out from that would be better than the fall out from going to the party and it going tits up with you at the helm, nominated to take the flak by The First Woman to Ever Have Children.

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:36

For party bags she's going all out but she's doing every child one so at least she has thought about that. Although it's not a party bag as such and more like a rucksack, not even joking.

I promise she was never this bad or she wouldn't have been my friend for so long.

OP posts:
Whereisegg · 24/02/2014 10:40

Can't you talk to her dp about this madness?

Whowouldfardelsbear · 24/02/2014 10:41

How strange then that she's been thoughtful enough about the bags but not the entertainment.

Can you suggest hiring a magician or similar entertainer for the older kids? Will keep them away from the other things (probably not the two-year old though).

FunkyBoldRibena · 24/02/2014 10:41

You should not show her this thread.

What you should do is to say 'So, what exactly are the non 1yr olds going to do for 4 hours again?
'Colour in a banner'
'And for the rest of the 3 and 3/4 hours then?'
'whatever/something else'
'And for the rest of the [reduce the time accordingly] then?'
Until she has worked out a plan for the older kids...

If she really really thinks that they will spend 4 hours colouring in a banner, offer to be the photographer and stand back and wait for the explosions.

Fakebook · 24/02/2014 10:41

"4. A huge banner with a picture of Freddy Kruger off of Nightmare on Elm Street pointing down and leering with his burnt zombie face, featuring the slogan 'ONE, TWO, CROSS THIS LINE AND FREDDY'S COMING FOR YOU'"

Grin Grin Grin...I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that! Please make this banner OP, you have to!!

rollonthesummer · 24/02/2014 10:42

Are you pregnant, did you say? I'd develop a really bad back and not be able to go. She knows it will piss people off but were rather they were pissed off with you than her. I can't believe she'd make a pregnant friend do her dirty work?!