Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

[Tiredemma]

Why dont you just say that its probably best that you dont bring your children as its not going to be much fun for them standing around watching a load of 1 year olds play????

[TheScience]

Definitely don't take your kids - it'll be really unfair on them.

Go on your own if you feel obliged, but at least sit her down beforehand and tell her what a stupid idea it all is.

[Whowouldfardelsbear]

Is the banner to announce "Only under ones allowed to play"??? I assume they don't sell this one ready made on Clinton's then.

Did she give you a colour scheme?

Or did she just mean a "happy birthday" banner?

[2tiredtocare]

That's what I need want to know

[littlebluedog12]

Face painting for 1 year olds??? Most face painters won't do it unless the kids are at least 3 anyway. As for pass the parcel... madness!!

[OkieDokie]

I know this will all go tits up and I feel I should be there for her. I've tried nicely telling her that I don't think it's a good idea and have told her that my 2 year old doesn't really get the idea of pass the parcel and definitely wouldn't sit still for face paint as he generally enjoys just running around aimlessly/ pretending to be an animal. This fell on deaf ears as clearly she knows best.

She's been to my kids 1st birthdays up to 4 and I reminded her how great it was when we just had a little tea party and maybe she should just invite her friends with 1 year olds/ family to that and we'd meet up another weekend and do something. Apparently it's the done thing to have a massive party and she's trying to keep up with the other mums.

I know I wasn't strong enough and should have just said no to the invite/helping/telling kids no but I'm a pushover and can't say no.
I know I need to be straight with her and I'll just have to try.

I've suggested my hubby takes them out for the day but they all want to go even though the oldest understands it won't be much fun. My middle child insists it'll be fine and be great fun when we get there.

It'll turn into chaos, she'll be in tears and my hubby will secretly be pleased as he's getting pissed off with how PFB she is.

I just can't ever remember being like this with my first. I clearly need to get some balls...

[lottieandmia]

I would definitely not go. Your children are not going to be able to understand why they are being treated like second class citizens. She sounds like a cow tbh. Why on earth can't the older children have their faces painted?

Just say it's not a proper invitation if your children can't join in. Stupid woman. As an aside, who really has caterers for a 1 year old's birthday party?? My kids did not have organised parties til at least 4! She definitely has pfb syndrome.

[OkieDokie]

Haha no she wants a banner saying 1 year olds only :S. apparently it's in my best friend duties and I clearly have more time than her as all her spare time is spent planning. I just smile and hope she'll see sense soon.

[earlyriser]

I think you need to get her to include the older ones, you can do this by making seem like a positive thing. There is no way a group of one year olds can play pass the parcel without help, so intersperse the older ones with the younger ones and get them to help pass it around. Involve the older ones in helping the one year olds on the soft play equipment. Get them to help at the food stage too. Granted the 2 year old won't be able to help much, but the 4 and 8 year old can.

[AnneTwacky]

Stop letting her try and twist your arm. If you don't want to go, then don't.
I notice she's charged you with keeping the older kids from the soft play/ pass the parcel etc. I have a feeling if you go and it doesn't go according to plan, you'll get the blame. I would make my excuses, albeit nicely, and stay well away.

[lottieandmia]

I don't see how she is much of a friend tbh. A real friend would care about hurting your children's feelings. Your kids are all really little still anyway!

[MrsCakesPremonition]

She will learn. The question is whether your friendship can survive the learning process, because there is nothing that you have said so far that is endearing her to me.

Politely tell her that you won't be able to attend on the day as you will be entertaining your own children.

[Whereisegg]

I wouldn't relish having to tell a close friend they're being ridiculous, but you have to stand up for your dc.

Does she have a dh?
What does he make of it?

[lottieandmia]

Invite her to a dinner party and tell her she has to just sit there and is not allowed any food or wine

[QueenofallIsee]

I wouldn't call this person your best friend - she sounds horrible and like she will enjoy being mean to other peoples children. A banner for kids that can't read? The expectation that her 'best friend' will not enjoy the party but act like some sort of security patrol? 4 hours for children to sit watching babies crawl around but not being allowed to touch anything? Refusing to take up your kind offer of age appropriate games for older kids as she wants to ensure the party is only about her son?

I wouldn't be surprised if it was cos he was the only one there.

[lottieandmia]

I've just read that the party is 4 hours - what the hell?? She clearly has no idea. Everyone knows that a party longer than 2 hours is a very bad idea indeed even for reception aged children! Most of the babies will have fallen asleep half way through I would imagine. Dear me.

[OkieDokie]

Early riser that's a really good idea. I know I just have to be straight with her. She was/is a great friend, I think she's just trying so hard to impress these new friends that she's turned into a bitch.

Yep she has a partner and I've mentioned it to him and he just rolled his eyes and said it isn't worth arguing about and he has said she's become so obsessive and competitive since having their son. He'd rather have a small do and doesn't really get on with these new friends but as he works FT and she works PT, he doesn't want her to feel isolated as they all meet up a couple of times a week.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Re the banner - I'm guessing she caught you on the hop and you haven't actually said 'no' to doing that?

You HAVE to make it plain to her that you will absolutely not be doing that, and if she really wants this banner then she will have to do it herself. Accepting the task means accepting the responsibility. Tell her bluntly that since you think it's a very bad idea, you are ab-so-lute-ly not going to offer yourself up as a sacrifice when the shit hits the fan and the banner is pointed at by angry parents and tearful children.

Yes, you're going to have to grow some balls.

[CloverHeart]

Quit being such a pushover. If you can't confront her face to face then email her and lay it out clearly by linking her to this thread- that it's not going to work and you won't be seen as the big bad bully by the other parents, keeping their kids sitting at a table in a corner bored out of their skulls.

The worst that will happen, OP, is that she will have a big hissy fit, fall out with you temporarily and come crawling back when the party is a total disaster and all the other parents have told her how stupid she was (shortly before leaving the party after the first half hour because their poor kids are upset at being excluded).

I don't think you are being unreasonable by thinking she is being ridiculous, but YABVU to even consider putting your children through this nightmare of a party and causing yourself the stress of a) Tantruming kids and b) parents who will dislike you for forcing their kids off the soft play (because they won't blame her as she floats around al safe and smug with her PFB).

Sorry to be harsh but you are on about how unreasonable she is being - but don't actually want to do anything about it!!

[WooWooOwl]

This gets worse the more you post!

Seriously, email her a link to this thread and send her a grip.

[CloverHeart]

Sorry - Reading back that sounded ever so mean