Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

I just wanted to say that I really wasn't trying to diagnose her or anything. It's just she's really losing sight of normal life and I'm concerned. As for speaking to her DP, I've been his friend for 10 years and he's not just her partner as we've spent years going on hols/weekends away etc. She wasn't listening to me and I was worried as I don't want things to get any worse for her. He knew this but hopefully with 2 of us saying similar things then I hope it makes her think. Even if it results in her calming down a bit and not being so hard on herself.

She's seen me through break ups and saw me at my worst and I don't want to abandon her at one of her down points. I was/am annoyed at the whole party thing but that just seems a small part of it all.

I'm going to leave it now and see if she responds by the weekend when we were meant to be going out.

Oh and she's more of a nethun.

Any update today?

Oh Okie - her reaction does suggest that she's in a bad place emotionally! Glad you're friends with her DP and can talk to him as well and I hope that she does go and get checked for PND. I also hope that she comes round; you did absolutely the right thing, it's a shame that she can't currently see that.

you are a bloody saint op that's for sure.

she doesn't sound like she needs help here but a swift kick up the arse.

you are a better person than me.

she's a nethun!!! now that's just drip feeding op

You'd best get over to nethuns quick OP, you're probably getting slated over there.

I think it's a good idea to give her a little bit of space and see if she gets in touch with you. Whatever you do, don't back down on the party. Go on your own if you want to but don't get dragged in to any kind of marshalling activity.

Hi Okie - I was wondering how the weekend went? Did your friend get in touch?

Just a quick update, I heard off her DP a couple of times since but my friend found out and has convinced herself that we're having some kind of affair. We've not spoken since (understandably) so have no idea what's going on. The party's on Sat but clearly we won't be going. Have told my mutual friend so she'll let me know how it goes.

To be honest, I'm in bits about it all as they were both really great friends.

It might be worth your DH letting her know that it's not an affair. Other than that you'll just have to wait and help pick up the pieces when she eventually comes to her senses.

I'm so sorry.I can tell how much you care about your friend by how much you are worried about her but sometimes you need to step back. I hope she feels better soon and can talk it through with you.

Jesus
This is the behaviour of a person who isn't well. I hope her DP can support her to get help.

Oh my .

I was going to post that maybe she just wanted lots of presents for the baby so invited loads of children to that end. The it became apparent something wasn't right as it seemed like she was more highly strung about it all than being a bitch so I feel sympathy.

Until she accused you of shagging her husband . It could still be a sign of something wrong with her but that is a line that is difficult to step back over.

Oh I have took a step back. I texted him to see how she was and he called me back saying to never contact him again and I could hear her shouting in the background that I should be happy with my hubby, stop trying to get attention from my man and stuff. He texted me later saying that she's got worse, that she thinks we're at it and he'll be in contact when he could.

Not sure how I can be having an affair with 3 kids + 1 on the way plus trying to manage a job, house, pets, sick family member and all the rest.
My DP thinks it might be for the best as I don't need the extra stress that she creates. It still doesn't stop me crying most days but the pregnancy hormones aren't helping.

Oh dear you poor thing!

If it helps she sounds a tad crazy and you sound perfectly sane. Something is clearly not quite right, be it hormones, PND etc. hopefully, she'll get the help she needs and you'll get your friend back.

Have to say, at this point it looks as though you are better off without

Bloody hell, she sounds like she's losing it

Sorry you're having to step away from two great friends. If the relationship is strong though things will bounce back from this. Probably best to step away till it all calms down though.

Do you think this out of character behaviour is due to PND or trying to be perfect or do you think she is just being not very nice?

The first you could maybe see past even though you are hurting now? But the latter, not really.

You must look after yourself though first. You have children and are pregnant and you must take care of yourself .

It sounds like she's having real problems, whether PND or something else.

She does sound likes she's losing it. You and her dh must be so worried.

Can he speak to his ils about his concerns?

Oh no, she dies sound like she does have some sort of MH or PND issues. If I were you, I would take a massive step back from all of it, and concentrate on yourself and your family, and being relaxed fir the baby. Big hugs, gave a and

I really don't know why she's doing it. I'm very happily married and it just doesn't really make much sense. Unless she read the texts I sent her DP and thought more was going on? In them I only said what happened, that I was worried etc. My hubby thinks she might be slightly jealous of us (me) because I'm much more relaxed and just go with the flow. I'm just glad he laughed and gave me a big hug when I told him.

I doubt he'd have spoken to his IL's as they've never been close.

Oh you poor love. it's so awful when things like this happen but you did the right thing and one day (soon I hope!) she will know that. Please look after yourself xxxx

I really don't think you should have discussed this with your mutual friend, I also think contacting the husband again was a big mistake.

She may be feeling quite undermined that you're talking to others about her. If she has PND this isn't her fault and she will appreciate it if people still talk to her as if she deserves some respect as a person. I think you should contact her directly, say you're worried about her as she seems to be under a lot of stress and that you're sure the GP could offer some help. Say that you're there for her if she needs anything. Then back off and wait until she's ready to get in touch.

Contacting her directly would be a terrible idea in my opinion.