AIBU they need to give me a sodding key

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My neighbour who is 85 (and is lovely btw ) has a son who is disabled he is 50 and not so lovely he swears a lot and we think he has also been hitting my nanny next door any who

Yesterday he was crying and swearing out side my door so I ask him what's up he keeps repeating my mum my mum where's my mum
Nannys car is parked outside and the lights are on in the house

I ask son were mum is he just keeps saying where's mum I establish he has no key when I ask him why not he just says I expect mum to be in any way I then say right because your not sure were nanny is and the lights are on and her car is parked up(she can't really walk) I gonna ring the police as she might have had a fall.

So I ring 101 ask for a welfare check they come with in about 2 minutes the son is screaming for them not to brake down the door just as the police van arrives with the ram thing to knock in the door nanny arrives in a cab (her leg was playing up couldn't drive and decided to get a cab to the shop and back but the can took an age)

thank god nanny was safe police officers came and had a word with me
They asked if this happened before sadly this is the 3rd time
1st- nanny car broke down son didn't have his key and waited in the cold for 3 hours to get home nanny phoned me from friends mobile and I got the up message to him but he wouldn't come in ffs
2nd time nanny took to many meds and fell asleep son came back from work couldn't get in didn't have a key and saw her slumped on sofa knocked us oh kicked the door in (he's a nurse) thank god she was ok
3rd- the thing yesterday

Any way me and the police pretty much came up with they either need to give us a sodding key or the son needs to carry one but they need to sort it out we can't keep going through this every couple of months

AIBU

Today nanny came round with some flowers and Sadi thanks for making sure she wasn't hurt .

But I did raise the issue of the key again if they don't feel safe with me having it then fair play but they need to do something she said it's not that she feels wired about us having a key the son doesn't want us to have one.

Does the son live there but not have his own key?
That seems a bit odd

Would he be able to use a keysafe?
www.coopersofstortford.co.uk/src/gbase/coopers-of-stortford-outside-security-key-safe-prodst08823i/?gclid=CIH_lfeW3rwCFVKWtAodxxYAzA
or similar

Someone (and preferably someone they feel sage to ask for help (you then) needs a key)! They need sort it on the previously mentioned criteria!

Sage=able

He can't uses his hands that well hence why don't have a mobile I did say you can get mobiles with massive buttons

To be honest I think this is more about him wanting her to be at home when he gets back because him not taking his key means she has to be back at a certain time very day

When she came to my wedding she left halfway and was very worried she had stayed to long

I did say and she said well he doesn't want any one you have a key when I told oh he was like it's her house ffs she can give a key to who she sodding well wants especially if I am gonna have to kick down the door again at some point

They need someone to have a key. This is not necessarily going to be you.

You can get electronic entry systems, so if he had a fob-type thing it would let him in.

Sort of like thisone

None of them have mobile phones so if it's not someone on this road were pretty much back to square one

Kirsty problem is I think he quite likes to have her in waiting for him because if he won't take his key I am not certain he would take a fob out

If you think she is being abused by him (emotionally or otherwise] then is there any way you can talk to her? Get her to try and involve someone to help her - social services might class her as a vulnerable adult, if she is physically less able and living in fear of another person in her home. They might be able to offer some support to her and her son?

I'm not sure what the UK system is, but here we have the Office of the Adult Guardian which monitors situations like your neighbours, especially if you feel there is abuse going on. If there is an equivalent for you, it might be worth a call to them. Sadly, his mother is not going to live forever and it would be important that plans have been made for that eventuality, as well as if she needs to go in to care.

How sure are you that he is hitting her? An 85 year old won't take much to be seriously hurt, in which case he will be in several different kinds of trouble. If you think it is a real possibility then you or your OH could alert somebody.

Cross post!

We have tried in vain oh is a nurse and tried sorting out someone coming to house help her with her meds and stuff

He didn't like it if I say oh I heard someone shouting last night she just sort of says oh you know how he gets a brushes it off

I have also offered to do some house work 1 hour (free of course) but she won't have it

So we have just settled on being friendly so we know what's going on I try and knock once a week and have a chat see how she's getting on also we have each other's phone number and I always make a point of ringing of I hear shouting asking for sugar or some such thing

Thing is we have no hard prof she's always got fractures but it's the way she tells you

Oh I am such a doop banged into the wall again very much like a abused women also the younger brother made a funny comment to oh about a fall she had last year which made him also think also the shouting a swearing by him

Mann is so difficult I really don't no much about adult abuse I might have it all very wrong

But he defo rules what's going on maybe his condition causes behaviour issues

If it was a wife that you thought was being beaten up and/or controlled by her husband, would you let her sweep it all under the carpet and ignore it? Or would you report to the police? Abuse is abuse, by any family member.

I think you really need to try and have a heart to heart with the woman, and actually tell her you want to report your concerns to the police. She might not want you to, abused people often don't.

However hard it is, you just can't turn a blind eye to abuse. You must do something. Please.

He may not be doing it deliberately - he sounds vulnerable too. If it is reported, then he can get the support he needs as well.

What KirstyJC says. Your local SS department will have a procedure for checking out concerns about vulnerable adults, just as they do for children. Alerting them is anonymous, and they'll only take it further if your neighbour agrees to them doing so.