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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people think I have something to hide because I'm not on fb

40 replies

HuntingforBunting · 21/02/2014 11:32

Right. I've been off it for years but I get the feeling that people are actually a bit suspicious of me for not being on it. I get weird looks when I start talking about privacy and the weirdness of looking at other people's pictures endlessly. Aibu? I have also realised that my friends mainly keep in touch through fb so I'm missing out.

So am I being bu to think this and any tips on how to handle fb so I don't find it unsettling. Thanking you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
HuntingforBunting · 21/02/2014 11:33

I.e. I'm thinking about setting up an account again yikes

OP posts:
SoldAtAuction · 21/02/2014 11:35

Why would someone think you have something to hide? Loads of people choose not to use facebook, for different reasons. It isn't a big deal. Besides, people are leaving fb in droves, you were just ahead of the times!Smile

DoJo · 21/02/2014 11:36

Well, if you offer your opinions in the way you have described in your OP, then they probably don't think you have got something to hide, they think you are rude for implying that they are weird for being on FB.
I have never thought anything of someone's choice whether or not to be on FB, but if they implicitly criticised my choice whilst explaining theirs, I would probably be a bit Hmm.

Thetallesttower · 21/02/2014 11:36

I don't think anyone thinks anything of it, do they? I'm not on it, lots of people I know are barely on it (don't post much), some love it and post loads on it. I don't think they are thinking there's anything odd about me but perhaps I don't know.

FracturedViewOfLife · 21/02/2014 11:38

I had an account with people from school, jobs, pubs, holidays. Just lots of people I didn't care about. I found myself spending too much time on it so I deleted my account.

I made a new one with a different name for family and close friends as my little brother and my mum keep in touch with me through it. Plus, as you say, my friends do set up events and keep in touch using it.

I don't feel bad not accepting people and I rarely update it. It's worked really well for me.

That said, I don't think it is weird to not have it.

lazyhound444 · 21/02/2014 11:38

I've never been on Facebook. My teenage DCs aren't on it either. DH wouldn't even know what to do with it. Guess what? We have healthy, active social lives and good mates. Facebook is not a necessity and if you believe your friends are leaving you out of things or think you're weird for not having it, you need to get better friends.

Stinklebell · 21/02/2014 11:42

I don't think anyone thinks anything of someone not being on FB do they?

I'm on it, but I only have about 10 friends on there - just close friends and my family - we moved a few hundred miles away from my family so I use it to share the odd picture of my kids with my Mum

My privacy settings are set to the max, if I comment on a picture or something it doesn't show to their friends if they're not friends with me, I don't show up in searches or anything and I've got friend requests turned off.

No one has ever said anything to me about it or thought it weird

brooncoo · 21/02/2014 11:56

Erm no. I use FB but don't expect everyone else to.

Suzannewithaplan · 21/02/2014 11:59

I guess if all your friends use it you'll seem like the odd one out.

For me the fact that someone used fb would make it unlikely that we'd be on the same wavelength, it makes me cringe.

sadbodyblue · 21/02/2014 12:02

I have FB as have 2 of my friends. the rest not.

my teen and twenties kids don't use it as I can see what they are up to! FB isn't cool anymore it's for oldsters now.

they twitter and Instagram.

can't imagine anyone is judging you to he honest.

VulvaBeaker · 21/02/2014 12:03

YANBU, people are odd about anything that doesn't jive with the hive.

I recently deleted everything from my FB timeline, which took enough. I keep it now to stay in contact with family/distant friends, but facebook is annoying and possibly evil, ha.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 12:09

I have never had a facebook account, it's just never occurred to me.

I have had the odd 'really ' from people when I've said I'm not on it.

Funny isn't it.

Sallyingforth · 21/02/2014 12:12

I'm with lazyhound here.
I've never used FB, have never seen the need for it and many of my friends are the same. We communicate by email, and pictures shared privately on Dropbox. More more secure, and we aren't being followed around the web by FB and all the other sites that share their data on you.

DarlingGrace · 21/02/2014 12:13

Fb is so yesterday though. Apparently. According to the offspring. It's all reddit and tumblr and stuff. However I am living in the past.

Social media isn't an issue provided you set your privacy and don't 'friend collect' and keep it strictly to real friends, family, not colleagues and not school gate acquaintances

Original poster
HuntingforBunting · 21/02/2014 12:18

Thank you for all thoughts! I promise I'm not judgey about others use. It's good to have a plan though about going back on and you've given me some lovely ideas. No colleagues and school gate mums for a start

OP posts:
Owllady · 21/02/2014 12:19

I'm not on it either and I don't really care if people think I am weird :)

Original poster
HuntingforBunting · 21/02/2014 12:20

Good for you owl, I'm a bit self conscious and concerned about what other people think about me. Wish I could be less bothered tbh, working on it

OP posts:
FunLovinBunster · 21/02/2014 12:22

I've never been on Facebook.
I have a life.
And people share too much info about themselves.
I think this is weird, a bit self obsessed, as well as potentially unsafe.

Owllady · 21/02/2014 13:13

It gets easier as you get older :)
Just say no (like on grange hill)

brooncoo · 21/02/2014 13:51

Funlovingbunster - if you have a life, what are you doing wasting time on Mn with a load of strangers - or does that not count?

I like FB, it has been the best thing I've found so far for casually keeping in touch with friends and family. Totally different to emails, letters and phone calls. You can get a group of friends together for a casual conversation even if they are all living in different countries. I get a little snippet into their life and it can be spontaneous and very funny.

yourusername123456789 · 21/02/2014 13:56

I like Facebook for organising things and whilst I would never leave someone out who didn't use Facebook, I can't relay every comment made about the event to the non-facebookers. It's how I choose to communicate, so I don't think your friends are in the wrong. If you don't want it don't get it. As much as I like Facebook I can't say I care at all if someone isn't on it.

lebasi · 21/02/2014 14:05

I did overhear two Uni students discussing a guy one of them had recently started dating - the other said she wouldn't trust him because he wasn't on Facebook....

Original poster
HuntingforBunting · 21/02/2014 23:54

Exactly. That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about!!

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 21/02/2014 23:56

I'm not on Facebook. I really don't see the point.

thornrose · 22/02/2014 00:01

I'm not on FB but I occasionally snoop on dd's. I am particularly fascinated by people living in the same house having strange conversations played out for all to see Confused