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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to chop her feet off

31 replies

Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 18:46

Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh but I have had to endure DM deliberately winding me up all day.....

A few weeks ago we got a new carpet in the front room as the old one got ruined by dd2, we couldn't afford much so its not the best carpet or really a colour I'd have chosen but we were limited by finances. For us it was a lot of money.
Because the last one got ruined we decided we would be really careful with this carpet so no outside shoes in there, dcs not to sit around eating/spilling drinks etc as we want it to stay looking nice for as long as is possible with small dcs!

DM came round today unexpectedly, came in to the hall and said "ooh new carpet-my carpet is horrible you know. I need new, where is yours from" etc etc
I asked her would she mind taking her shoes off asit was muddy outside and she just walked in! I asked again and she touted and took them off slowly after walking round. I was fuming.
When she was about to leave she took her shoes into the front room, put them on, walked around. I said to her "please can you not do that I asked you earlier, we really want to keep the carpet nice and your shoes are muddy" she completely ignored me. I had to leave the room and she came after me in front of dh and said "don't be like this with me, my carpet is ruined because of you and dsis and db when you were children, its not fair that I can't get new"!!!

I was so angry with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 18:47

Tutted not touted!

OP posts:
Procrastinating · 20/02/2014 18:49

She sounds nasty. Chop away.

TheReluctantCountess · 20/02/2014 18:54

She does sound nasty.

BrianTheMole · 20/02/2014 18:55

I'd tell her not to come back until she changed her attitude.

ForgettableTampon · 20/02/2014 18:55
Original poster
Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 18:57

Thankyou, I was worried I was being a bit funny about my pfb carpet (its the first new one we have had-the ones we got when moved in five years ago were second hand and didnt fit properly, this one although cheap is brand new and all clean)!

OP posts:
wheretoyougonow · 20/02/2014 18:58

I would be fuming with the complete lack of respect to be honest. Next time, block the doorway until she takes them off!

FryOneFatManic · 20/02/2014 18:58

Gosh, how nasty. Stop her coming in until she can respect your hohuse and your requests.

The fact that her carpet was "ruined" by you and your siblings is actually irrelevant. She could have chosen to make you take more care, in the way you are doing now.

MaryWestmacott · 20/02/2014 18:58

She sounds a cow. The deliberate nature of trying to ruin your stuff, and winding you up about other things makes me think she's not really a nice, supportive dm, and that you and your dcs aren't really benefiting from spending time with her (let's face it, it's not good for children to witness their grandmother treating their mum like shit).

You probably should be limiting her access to your life, not just your carpet. But if you can't limit her access to you, make her take her shoes off at your front door, make her put them back on at the door, say "well if you hadn't deliberately walked mud on my new carpet last time we wouldn't do this, you started being petty."

Original poster
Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 19:07

Don't see her often but when I do she always manages to cause a problem or argument. Always of her own making but if I'd got cross with her she would have turned the tears on and played the downtrodden victim.

She's an odd woman. I've hoovered for the second time today so feel better no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 19:07

Now

OP posts:
PoorOldCat · 20/02/2014 19:15

Oh Gosh. Can you stop having her round? I'm afraid I would absolutely explode if someone treated me like that.

oldgrandmama · 20/02/2014 19:21

She's WAY out of order. Really nasty behaviour. I wouldn't have her round, to be honest, if she ever does it again. And the crap about you and your siblings messing up carpets when you were kids - oh please! Stick to your guns. She sounds horribly childish and somewhat malevolent. Poor you.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 20/02/2014 19:23

I always thought we were very good as children-I remember spilling some lilt when I was about 13 on her carpet but nothing else! She made it sound like we did a drop dead Fred with the dog poo!

OP posts:
PoorOldCat · 20/02/2014 19:30

Yes I think she sounds really narcissistic.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 20/02/2014 19:36

Your mother is a rude and unpleasant woman. Well, at least in this instance she is.
If she'd been worried about the carpet when you were all little she could have had a no shoes indoors rule, it's not that hard and she should have more respect when she's in someone else's house.

Next time, if and when, you have to be more assertive and bar her way, then put her shoes away somewhere until it's time to leave.

Enjoy your carpet, it's really nice to get something new Smile

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 20/02/2014 19:49

But Hedgehog, when you spilt Lilt it was on the family carpet not hers, surely and it was by mistake presumably? Her act of attempted desecration was deliberate! She really pulled some nasty stuff out of somewhere. Is there something bigger going on? I would send her an offcut so she walk about on her own bit to her hearts content, she sounds like a right mardy mare! Upthread another poster said they would bar the door next time until she had taken her shoes off. I would bar the door period!

Meerka · 20/02/2014 19:51

when you chop her feet off, make sure it's not in the front room. Messy :D

But yes, she was being a cow and like dinnae I think it was so deliberate that there was somethign else going on.

Suttonmum1 · 20/02/2014 19:57

Get the children to become the 'Carpet Police'. In charge of spotting people with shoes on or eating.

Bearmonkeysmum · 20/02/2014 20:04

Chop away op, I think she was rude & disrespectful of your home.

Isabeller · 20/02/2014 20:11

Next time meet her at the front door with the hoover, a stiff brush and dustpan and give her a thorough valeting before she leaves the hall. Then follow her around the house with the hoover.

lazyhound444 · 20/02/2014 20:17

This reminds me of my late DPs, they used to come round and eat scones and biscuits with NO PLATE. I'd put the plate right under whatever they were eating and they'd ignore it and continue munching and crunching, spraying crumbs everywhere. It drove me insane.

MehQueen · 20/02/2014 20:19

YANBU.

Make her post her shoes through the letterbox before you even open the front door.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/02/2014 20:20

It wasn't very polite of her, but maybe she feels you're being pretty rude too?

Maybe she feels very awkward to be taking her shoes off? Or genuinely believes they are clean? My mum has rotten standards but I know she doesn't know it. There's no excuse for tramping mud into a carpet deliberately, of course. But maybe it'd be better to accept she is uncomfortable with this?

I can see it is a lot of money to you, but it sounds as if she is thinking from a less well-off perspective, and is feeling hurt that she would not have pushed you to make yourself uncomfortable, and she doesn't understand why you are doing so when in her eyes, you are well off.

FlumpieWumpie · 20/02/2014 20:25

WOW! Carpets are expensive... even cheaper ones. Our carpets are over 20 years old, a bit "cat attacked" in places, and I still expect people to take their shoes off. I also like them to take shoes off in the hall by the front door, before walking on the (old scratched) wooden floors. I hate muddy/wet footprints.
She doesn't sound very nice IMO, but next time she visits, I suggest a couple of supermarket carrier bags are strapped on her feet on arrival, attached by elastic bands around her ankles...

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