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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report the neighbours to nspcc?

37 replies

CakeyCakeyCakey · 18/02/2014 10:01

We moved house a couple of weeks ago and the couple next door have a boy about 18mths old.
He cries all the time, day and night, interspersed with the crying is mum screaming at him to lay down and shut up and loads of banging, a few times I've heard the boy crying and then mum starts shouting and boy screams louder.

My ds is 2 1/2 I admit I shout at him sometimes but not all the time, I've never heated any playing noises (the walls are paper thin) just crying.

This morning something in the pitch of her voice changed and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on it but it heightened my concern.
I've sent an anonymous email to the nspcc to say what I've heard and to ask them to maybe direct the health visitor there to check they're all ok.

I know reporting when you suspect something is happening is the right thing to do and I've told people on here to report report report before bu now I'm dithering, they'll know I reported them.

OP posts:
PeterParkerSays · 18/02/2014 10:05

I would report to social services rather than the NSPCC. Also, if you've only recently moved in, and both you and she have DSs of a similar age, could you invite her round for a coffee and for the boys to play? It might also be that she doesn't have the money to go out with him, and would appreciate the chance to offload, if she's on her own with him a lot of the time (you mention a couple in your OP but only mention her behaviour - how is he with the child?)

If it's a dry day, knock and ask if she wants to go to the playground / park then both boys get fresh air and a go on the swings.

Bingbongbinglybunglyboo · 18/02/2014 10:13

Report to social services. Do it today.

inlawsareasses · 18/02/2014 10:14

All the nspcc do is forward the email to social services, I think you did the right thing we all have a responsibility to protect children.
It may be she needs some support and may not necessarily want to ask for it.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 18/02/2014 10:16

I've been trying to pluck up the courage to knock on the door since we moved in, I have social anxiety and am really struggling with moving to a new area and leaving behind the few people I knew behind.

I'm going out today but if they're in tomorrow I might give her a knock and see if her ds wants to play duplo with mine.

I never see of hear her dp, Dh has seen him and I think he works a lot he has a car which is parked outside most evenings.
I can't quite put my finger on it but I think she needs help with him, if I was a normal person I'd knock on the door and have her come for coffee and chat and be able to offer advice.

The idea of meeting someone new makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 18/02/2014 10:18

I might text my sil (social worker) and ask her to look into it, she wouldn't be able to do it herself as she comes here to visit but I'm sure she could speak to a colleague.

OP posts:
Triliteral · 18/02/2014 10:22

Texting your social worker SIL sounds like a good compromise. You are obviously worried and only want the best for your neighbour's family.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 18/02/2014 10:23

I've already reported to nspcc but I'll send sil a text and see what she thinks.

OP posts:
needtobediscreet · 18/02/2014 10:36

Yes, do report it, please. You'd feel awful if you didn't and something happened. I've called social services about concerns about a neighbour's children before. I had to as was just worrying so much about what I was hearing.

Cuddlydragon · 18/02/2014 11:48

I think if you are worried and you clearly are then texting your sil is a good idea, and as soon as possible tbh. Hopefully it's nothing but it isn't worth taking a chance.

Finola1step · 18/02/2014 12:02

You are right to report it.

Cravey · 18/02/2014 12:15

Social services is the way to go. And yanu. If there's nothing wrong then at least you know you did the right thing. Rather than waking up one morning after doing nothing, to news reports of a dead child. Dramatic I know but it does happen.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 19/02/2014 21:36

I've had an email back from the nspcc they have referred the case to children's social services who will assess what risk there may be to the child.
Even my Dh has commented on the screaming, he doesn't notice anything.
I've spoken to sil who is going to keep an eye out for the referral and make sure it's properly checked out.

There's nothing else I can really do I don't think.
It's just really upsetting to still be hearing it and not be able to just run in and grab the kid and hide him.

OP posts:
VelmaD · 19/02/2014 21:39

My neighbour knocked on my door when she heard a really bad time in mine and my sons life. She was honest and the next day I asked for help from my gp and friends. I bought her flowers. It was hard for her, its hard for me, and sometimes still is, but that reaching out by someone on a limb changed us all for the better.

You've done the right thing.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 19/02/2014 21:44

That last line is exactly what I need to hear, I have a little voice that's telling me it's none of my business and I shoul just ignore it, what if it's nothing?

I can't listen to that voice, what if it's wrong? The consequences of doing nothing could be far worse than them possibly knowing it was me who reported them.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 19/02/2014 21:52

if it is nothing then there will be no harm done. If it is something then you may have saved a life.

sleep well. You deserve it.

Extremewife · 19/02/2014 21:54

Yes you did the right thing if you were mistaken and there is no problem no one gets hurt and a small child is fine xx

LaGuardia · 19/02/2014 21:57

If they find out you reported them, then you have brought a whole load of trouble to your (new) front door.

needtobediscreet · 19/02/2014 21:59

LaGuardia - how would they find out? Stop scaring the OP who has done the right thing.

milkysmum · 19/02/2014 22:03

LaGuArdia is that a helpful comment? I think not. OP if you were worried you did the right thing. Once ss have done an assessment your neighbour may well get the support she needs if she is struggling. Ss won't just go and take the child or anything (unless significant risk obviously)

LucyBabs · 19/02/2014 22:05

LaGuardia Its an 18 month old baby. Its best ss are involved as it sounds like the mother is really struggling.
Should we all turn a blind eye? Not when it come to the vulnerable, no.

dollymixedup · 19/02/2014 22:05

The only way they can find out is if Cakey tells them.

Cakey - you've done brilliantly.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 19/02/2014 22:18

Thanks guys. I'm hoping it's nothing and they jut need a little help.
He's squealing now, sounds like he's refusing to sleep, and now dad is shouting.

LaGuardia that was one of my biggest worries, what if they know it was me and it causes trouble? I could think that forever and ignore it and be selfish but what if that little boy is scared and hurt? Would you be able to leave it in case it caused problems for you?

OP posts:
allcatsaregrey · 19/02/2014 22:21

I did the same thing with my neighbours after because of her drunken behaviour and screaming at the kids. She must know it was me but has never mentioned it. Don't know if it was followed up but after that things improved and I hardly ever hear her screeching and swearing at the kids and they are no longer wandering the streets late in the evening.

gamerchick · 19/02/2014 22:28

if it's nothing then it won't matter.

keep an ear out and don't hesitate to ring the police to check on them if you have to.

Original poster
CakeyCakeyCakey · 19/02/2014 22:43

He's still squealing and shouting, from what I can hear they're not shouting anymore and I think they're ignoring him.
It's really upsetting, I want to sleep (I have a health problem that includes chronic fatigue, I'm exhausted) I can't face going upstairs and listening to it all unfold yet again.

OP posts:
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