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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Her indoors...

52 replies

lollylaughs · 15/02/2014 08:31

I heard this term for a wife for the first time yesterday. Maybe I have been living under a rock, I am not in UK so maybe this term is widely used, but I just have never heard it.

AIBU to think that this is one of the most derogatory term I have ever heard!

OP posts:

feelingvunerable · 15/02/2014 08:34

It was widely used in the past, I find it derogatory too.
There again I detest the word bird to describe a woman and always pull people up when they say it.
Perhaps if more people were challenged on it they would stop using it.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 15/02/2014 08:40

It was popularised most widely by a tv show in the 80's so became more common then I think.

I imagine now it is used more tongue in cheek.

If it was seriously then yes they are an arse. And living in some weird bubble where it is 1984 and they are in hackney!

mumblechum1 · 15/02/2014 08:41

I think it is used tongue in cheek these days. DS refers to his best mate (they finish each others' sentences) as 'Er Indoors .

He wouldn't call his girlfriend it, I don't think...

OwlinaTree · 15/02/2014 08:44

There's some Xmas song 'what are we gonna get for her indoors'

It's not a very good song!

OwlinaTree · 15/02/2014 08:47

does this work?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 15/02/2014 08:49

It's a term Arthur Daly used to describe his wife in Minder, tv show from back in the day.

daisychain01 · 15/02/2014 08:57

It is meant to be a bit derogatory, but good natured - Arfur Daily was a cockney sparra. Minder was really funny, not least of all because 'er Indoors was never seen, she was only ever spoken about.

Probably best to rerun an episode then you'll get the drift of the humour.

daisychain01 · 15/02/2014 08:58

Probably a bit less insulting than "me bitch" but these terms are cultural, innit.

CatAmongThePigeons · 15/02/2014 09:00

I have a real dislike for 'the wife/missus'. It just screams possession.

ithaka · 15/02/2014 09:02

It is a similar term to 'the missus' (or in reverse 'my old man'). Usually used ironically these days.

magimedi · 15/02/2014 09:03

There was a cartoon in Private Eye (I think) ages ago that was a sketch of the queen doing the washing up & captioned: "ER indoors".

madasa · 15/02/2014 09:07

I refer to DP as 'Him indoors'...is only said in jest and I wouldn't refer to anyone else's wife/husband/partner in that way

harticus · 15/02/2014 09:14

She Who Must Be Obeyed from Rumpole is my favourite.

Her Indoors doesn't bother me at all (Minder generation) but I cannot understand why some young men are referring to their girlfriends as "the missus".

QuietlyWingingIt · 15/02/2014 09:20

DH calls me the missus, 'er indoors, wiffy and my personal favourite...The Boss!
I don't think it's anything to get worked up about.

madasa · 15/02/2014 09:26

DP often refers to me as 'my little kommandant' ...

NymodigFruOla · 15/02/2014 09:29

I'm old enough to remember it from Arfur Daley/Minder. It was considered tongue in cheek in those days - I always imagined the, unseen, Mrs Daley as a force to be reckoned with

I think it's still used in jest rather than seriousness.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 09:35

owlina I love that song! thinks its quite funny!

like most things, it depends who is saying it and why. My dad refers to my mum that way but it is meant with love and affection and a reference to remember the tv show that it came from.

DH calls me that on occasion to jest with me. he also calls me The Calendar and The Oracle. [shrug] I very much doubt it is used other than in jest to the partner or in jest with the lads down the pub. no harm is likely to be meant by it.

why are people so quick to take offence at everything?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 15/02/2014 09:36

I wouldn't get to the point of calling it ' one of the most derogatory terms I've ever heard'

It's not something to get that uptight about, is it?

AllMimsyWereTheBorogroves · 15/02/2014 09:40

I think if you'd never heard it before you might assume it's being used by a man who thinks a woman's place is in the home, preferably saying very little while slaving away keeping the home immaculate and getting dinner on the table as soon as Her Lord and Master is home.

Those of us who know this phrase from Minder know this is not what it suggested - for me it always suggested that Arfur Daley was out on a long leash and had to watch his step or he would be in trouble. It was much more like She Who Must Be Obeyed. Plenty of sexist overtones and gender stereotyping, but not in the same way.

Thistledew · 15/02/2014 09:43

I dislike "The Wife". When do you ever hear a man referred to as "The Husband". "My husband", yes, and I don't have a problem with "my wife", but it's the use of "The" that annoys me. It feels like being reduced to the status of "the car" or "the sofa". Using "my wife" at least describes a woman in terms of her relationship to the person speaking. Calling her "the wife" reduces her to being a thing that is a wife.

goldenlula · 15/02/2014 09:44

'My man' and 'my woman' make me cringe. I can't help thinking it makes the other person seem like a possession. I occasionally hear 're console's but as a tongue in cheek thing, mainly from those old enough to remember Minder. Dh occasionally uses it in jest when on the phone to one of his mates, normally when they are both trying to pretend they are under the thumb in a jokey way.

CailinDana · 15/02/2014 10:05

My MIL used to call me it. After a lot of dirty looks she stopped. She used to collaborate with her DH in putting women down as a way of appeasing him and making out his appalling sexism was ok. Because I wouldn't happily submit to being insulted she stopped.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 10:23

thistle I sometimes call DH 'the husband' - but again, only in jest when he has done something hugely annoying and serious like leave his dirty socks next to the laundry basket again

I doubt there are many people who use these sort of terms in anything other than an affectionate and jesting way.

feelingvunerable · 15/02/2014 10:56

John Steinbeck used the term the wife as a deliberate derogatory term. The wife was never referred to by her actual name. The character he was writing about was racist and mysoginistic.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/02/2014 11:01

It wouldn't bother me. Though as far as I know my dp has never called me it. I occasionally call him 'im indoors though.

I really hate "hubby" and "wifey" which seems to be all over Facebook. Please stop, you're not actually married.

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